Who Was He Today?
by Puldoh
Summary: Mikey is put through Hell at the hands of Shredder! After forgetting who he was, his brothers and family struggle to bring back their Mikey. COMPLETED! Oct 24
1. Chapter 1

_Mikey couldn't count how many days he's been there. It seemed like so long. He just knew something was wrong, and that he was too confused to figure it out. _

_He was scared, alone, and afraid. He wanted to go home. That was one thing he desperately wanted. _

_But Shredder wouldn't release him. Instead, Shredder wanted to mess with his head. _

_Days gone by, and Shredder would come in. They had taken his mask, his weapons, and left him alone in the dark cell. He whimpered, he wanted to go home._

Then Shredder came, gave him a bottle of water.

He drank it thirstily, not knowing it was contaminated. Not knowing he shouldn't have drank it.

Then he was given a blue mask, and katanas.

Mikey was confused, he didn't wear a blue mask, he wore an orange one.

And he didn't use Katanas, he used nunchakus.

He frowned, protesting, only to get hit and tazed several times, before he picked up both items. He didn't know what Shredder wanted. He was more confused when Shredder started calling him Leonardo.

He wasn't Leonardo, he wasn't his older brother, he was Michelangelo, Mikey. He wasn't his brother. But Shredder kept calling him that. Mikey defended himself, using the blue handled katanas. His father had made sure all of his students knew how to use each others weapons.

But Mikey was defeated, he fell to the ground, crying in pain as his slashed leg bled. He whimpered, feeling Shredder's hands yank the blue mask off, and take the katanas away. He whimpered as his leg was treated roughly, and he was left by himself. The light was turned off, and he laid there, confused.

Several times this went on, always a different colour mask, red, blue or purple.

Called by the names of his brothers, fought in his brothers weapons, he started to forget who he was, as drugged as he was.

Days gone by, then weeks. It got to the point where he no longer was Michelangelo, he was whoever Shredder deemed for him to be that day. It depended on the colour mask he was given. He relied on it.

Some days, Shredder wouldn't come at all, just left him to try and think on who he was, still being drugged by the small amount of food and water he got. He couldn't think clearly, couldn't remember who he really was. Sometimes, rarely, he was given back his orange mask, and he could be himself again, he would remember. But then it was taken again, and he was suddenly no one.

_No one_, he thought, laying in the dark. _He was no one. He didn't know who he really was_, his mind mixed up, drugged, and confused. He whimpered in the dark. _Hearing the humans guarding the room, calling him turtle, pet, thing. Scum, reptile. He sometimes didn't know these words, and accepted them as something that was him. But he was still no one, until Shredder came with a mask and weapons. _

He cried out when the light was switched on in his cell, it was always dark, and he craved the darkness. It made him feel safe. Made him feel like there was a blanket over him. He could remember being little, barely, and hiding under his blankets. It was always warm, comfortable.

But the light was on, it hurt his eyes. He shield them, seeing Shredder come in, and he immediately crawled to the floor, knowing Shredder would get mad if he was seen on the bed.

He saw the anger in his eyes and flinched. He saw a blue mask in Shredder's hands, and katanas held by the foot soldier beside him. He flinched when it was thrown at him, and when he tied it around his head quickly, he became **_Leonardo._**

He stood, his eyes showing courage, and stubbornness. _He knew who Leo was. Leo was leader, brave, tough, and could kick Shredder's ass. _

Grabbing the katanas, he started fighting, but he was still weak, still drugged, and Shredder easily defeated him.

Shredder moved toward him, about to grab the mask, when he spoke, "Please, Please, leave it, Please," he begged.

He hated not knowing who he was, not remembering, having his very identity stripped from him. It made him vulnerable, weak, and he wanted to keep it.

Shredder laughed, and it scared him, and he whimpered as the mask was taken, and he was no one again.

"Your nothing but a weak pathetic excuse for a mistake. You are nothing, trash! Refuse. You were nature's mistake. No one wants you, no one will save you. You are nothing!" and he left, leaving him by himself, the words going through his mind, repeating itself, reminding him, consuming him, making him feel like nothing was worth living anymore.

The light went out, and he calmed. _He wondered what had happened to his brothers. He knew he had brothers. He had 4 brothers. He didn't remember he was one of them. He had a father, he knew that as well. One father. _He tried to remember names, he could hear them in his head, and he whispered to himself, everyday, "Leonardo, Michelangelo, Raphael, and Donatello. Brothers. Splinter…father…" and he calmed himself and fell into a drugged sleep.

He slept a lot, he often wondered if the food and water was tainted, but he ate out of hunger, out of survival. He needed to survive. He wanted home, but it was fading. Then one day, he heard screams, yelling, fighting. He crawled under his bed, hiding. He was scared. Scared Shredder would come, and hurt him again.


	2. Chapter 2

He slept a lot, he often wondered if the food and water was tainted, but he ate out of hunger, out of survival. He needed to survive. He wanted home, but it was fading. Then one day, he heard screams, yelling, fighting. He crawled under his bed, hiding. He was scared. Scared Shredder would come, and hurt him again.

Then his cell burst open, the light turning on, and he cried out, covering his eyes in pain.

It had been several days since his light was turned on. He could hear voices yelling to turn it off, and it was turned off again.

He frowned, wondering who it was. He felt a three fingered grip on his arms, and he looked into a red mask, and he frowned again, confused. _They wore masks, and were smiling. All of them, wearing masks and weapons. But he didn't wear a mask, he couldn't figure out who was who, who he was. _

They called him "Mikey" but he wasn't sure that was who he was. He was handed his mask and weapons, orange.

He frowned, _he didn't want to fight._

They were pulling him out of the cell, and he was scared.

_He had been there so long_, and he was scared, _it was unknown out of there_.

He could see foot ninja's on the ground, a human with black hair, male, and he wore a hockey mask, standing above them.

He was still drugged, and he whimpered as he was brought to a green and yellow van. He was pushed in, and he dropped the mask and weapons. _He didn't want them, he had to fight if he was given them._

_The purple mask, 'Donatello'_ he remembered, smiled sadly, tears fell down his cheeks as he looked over his injuries.

He had many injuries, gashes, cuts, burns. He had bruises, contusions, but he didn't care. He couldn't feel them. He was drugged. But watching the purple one bandage his legs, tears running down his face, he reached out, lightly wiping the tears away, astonished by the sight of Donatello crying.

He spoke, his voice rough and raspy since it had been unused for so long, **_"you cry?…why?"_** and he was curious.

Donatello was shocked at the sight of his baby brother, he was injured badly, and he couldn't hold back the tears that fell. He flinched hearing his brothers' voice hoarse and raspy from disuse, but the question confused him, he spoke, the tears still falling, "Because I missed you Mikey."

Don frowned when he saw the confusion on his little brothers face. He continued to bandage up Mikey's wounds, and heard Leo, Raph and Casey hop into the van, and driving away. He strapped in Mikey into his seat, and saw the confusion on his face. He knew Mikey would not recover so easily. Don picked up the lost mask and weapons, about to hand it back, when he saw the fear in Mikey's eyes. Don decided that he would give them back later.

"How's the kid?" Raph called out, swearing when he drove into an alley.

He watched as the red one drove, remembering this was Raphael. Leonardo was in the front seat. The black hair male was sitting across from him. Donatello yelled out, "He's injured, and possibly drugged. He spoke a little, but he's scared and disoriented."

He watched the blue one speak into a phone. He was curious and was about to reach out for it, wanting to play with it, it was different. But the blue one shook his head at him, speaking to someone. He put his hands back. He counted them in his head, saying there names, '_Raphael, Donatello, Leonardo, where is Michelangelo_?' he wondered confused.

Needing to ask his question, he turned to the male, a name flashed into his head, 'Casey,' and he smiled, remembering the friend of Raphael's. His voice still sore, and Donatello still talking to the blue one, he turned to the male, his raspy voice, conveyed his words, "Where Michelangelo?…he not here…blue…red….purple…no orange…where orange?"


	3. Chapter 3

The human, Casey, eyes widened in shock, and he could see his confusion, "You're Michelangelo." he said.

He shook his head, confused, feeling a well of panic fill within him.

_He didn't understand why this man, Casey, was telling him he was Michelangelo. He wasn't. He wasn't Michelangelo. He was whoever his mask said. What colour was his mask? Where was his mask. He wasn't wearing a mask, and he needed to know who he was._

Then he heard Casey call to Don, and tell him what he had asked. Donatello's eyes widen, and he walked toward him, hesitantly. "Mikey, do you know who you are?"

He frowned, _why did they call him Mikey? He wasn't him. He was lost a long time ago. He wasn't him. He was Leonardo, Raphael, Donatello and Michelangelo. That was all him. He had to be, that's how he survived. _He opened his mouth, "I not know…need mask."

Don frowned, picking up the orange one, he handed it over slowly, but he wasn't allowed the orange a lot. _Orange was always pain, humiliation, bad, he didn't want to be orange, it made him feel gross. He had to be a different colour_.

He shook his head, pointing to the other colours, "I use those, not this…not me…bad…no…no.." he said, trying to tell them that Shredder made sure he wouldn't use orange again.

_Orange was bad, orange was pain, orange was surgery!_ He whimpered, remembering when he was given the choice, he had chosen orange, only to have orange be on metal table, being cut open by man with glasses, and it hurt so badly, so much, "orange do this, Michelangelo is orange, Michelangelo chose this," he said, pointing to a still healing surgical scar on his plastron.

Don frowned again, looking closer at the injury his little brother pointed out. He put Mikey's mask aside, and saw the surgical scar, and felt his anger grow. **_Shredder had did surgery on his little brother!! _**

He was livid, and he fought to control his anger. It had been a long 4 and a half months, but they had found their little brother. But he was not the same.

"You are Michelangelo! Orange is your mask. You are our brother." Don tried to explain.

But he shook his head, like he was scared, like he was terrified, and his body quaked in fear. Until Don calmed him, "Okay, okay, calm down, you aren't orange, you aren't orange."

He nodded, shaking with fear inside. _He had been Michelangelo a few times, but it was always worse pain, worse treatment, worse hurt. He didn't want to be Michelangelo anymore. He wanted to be the others. They were stronger, braver, they weren't as scared anymore. He liked them, missed them. He nodded relieved_. He was tired, and he started to close his eyes, but Donatello told him not to, to stay awake, but he didn't want to listen, he wanted to sleep. He was tired. He closed his eyes, and drifted away.


	4. Chapter 4

Donatello frowned, worry emanated from him. He was worried and scared. He saw the fear in his little brother eyes, the scared look, the worry, the terror.

He wished he killed Shredder, but he managed once more to get away. _The bastard_. Finally, they get their little brother back, but he was vastly different. _What can you expect from 4 months of torture. What the hell did Shredder do to him?_

_He was tortured, _he knew that. _When they found him, he was in a dark cell, total darkness. He was light deprived. They would have to be careful with that, he was drugged_, Donatello could tell by his pupils, and lack of focused thought. He knew he was tortured on a daily basis, his injuries varied from old to new.

Don wondered how he was going to react when he woke up. "Guys, this is really bad."

"Why, what's wrong? Is Mikey okay?" Leo asked, turning around in his seat up front.

Don looked at him, and shook his head, "That's the problem, he doesn't think he's Mikey."

Raph asked, "What? What the hell does that mean?"

Don frowned, "He said he wasn't Michelangelo, he seemed genuinely confused. Something is wrong, I know that much. He's still drugged, we need to wait until the drug leaves his system. And don't give him his mask or weapons, Shredder made him scared of them. Got it!"

They nodded, confused and worried.

They reached the lair, and Don gently woke up Mikey, who whimpered in fear, his eyes squinting from the bright lights of the lair. Don whispered to Raph, "Hurry, dim all the lights, it hurts his eyes."

Raph nodded, running ahead, dimming all the lights and bringing Master Splinter to the living room. Don watched as Michelangelo smiled in glee seeing Splinter, "Father!!" he cried out, and burst into tears seeing him.

Splinter cradled Michelangelo in his arms, saying, "Oh my son, my poor son."

* * *

And Mikey fell asleep in Splinter's arms. Don listened as Leo told Splinter what had happened during the rescue. And listened when Splinter spoke, "His mind is jumbled, confused. Shredder messed him up, making him lose himself. We must help your brother regain control of his mind and reassert himself as who he is."

Don nodded, "We need to take it easy around him. No sudden movements, no raised voices. We need to be very careful. His eyes are extremely sensitive to light, so we must slowly increase the light to get him used to it. We need to slowly tell him who he is. Not to fast. Do not give him his mask, not until we know what we are dealing with."

They nodded, and helped Splinter bring Mikey to his bedroom.

Hours passed and they slept in their rooms.

Waking up early the next morning, they got together to help Mikey. Raph took the oatmeal with apple chunks in it, he was going to give it to Mikey. He must be hungry. Raph walked to the room, remembering the advice he got, and calmed himself down. He was about to switch the light on when he remembered what Don said about the light.

Slowly, he turned the lights on, to a dim setting, and he glanced toward the bed.


	5. Chapter 5

_He was tired and sore, his world seemed more clearer. He couldn't remember what happened, it was all jumbled up. He was in a room, not his cell. He was laying in a bed, _he frowned.

Sitting up on the bed, he looked around, his eyes staring at images of sketches, toys on the floor, comic books nearby. Then he started, startled, he saw the light go dim, and it hurt his eyes a little, glancing around, he saw Raphael coming toward him.

He immediately got to the floor, scrambling against the wall, scared. He saw the confused look on Raphael face, and he had stopped in place.

**_Then he smell food_**.

He stared hungrily at Raphael, wanting the food. But he stayed where he was, he was scared.

Shredder had used food to tease him. Teach him he can't always expect the food, that it can be taken away. He heard himself let out a whimper when Raphael took a step forward. He stepped back, moving a step away.

Raph had a frown on his face. He took another step forward, frowning even more when he saw Mikey step back in fear.

Holding up his hand, he indicated that he would leave the food right there, on the bed.

Raph stepped back.

_His stomach growled, and he was hungry. He hadn't had food in so long_. _Water, he was given a bottle a day, nothing more. But food, it was rare. Especially when Shredder would take the food away_.

He watched in fear as Raphael stepped away from the food. He moved closer, smelling the warm food.

Then with one more glance, seeing Raphael had stepped back a lot, he jumped forward, seizing the bowl with his hands, and crouching into a nearby corner. He ignored the utensils, he couldn't remember what they were for. He used his hands, digging into the warm oatmeal, he started eating, like an animal.

He let out a growl when he heard Raphael come closer, he covered the bowl with himself, wanting to eat, and he shovelled the food in, not even chewing, but eating as much as he could.

_He had to eat fast, he could take it away! Take the only food he had away. He ate fast, gulping it down, barely tasting it, but it was food. When the bowl was empty, he licked it, and his fingers. His hand dashed toward the tray, grabbing the milk sitting there, and he gulped it down. He ignored the protests of Raphael, he had to eat, to eat fast. _

Raphael watched in horror, as his little brother ate like a animal. He had grabbed the bowl quickly and used his hands to eat.

He stepped forward to give him a spoon, but he growled!!

Growled

at him.

His little brother looked like an animal, like a starving dog.

He sighed, watching as he licked the bowl, and his hands.

Watched as he gulped down the milk.

Raph stepped forward, intending to grab the bowl, when he saw his little bro flinch, and move back into the wall. He was shaking in fear.

Raph shook his head, wondering what Shredder had did to his little brother, "Its okay bro…you must have been hungry hey? Do you want more?"

He looked at the bowl, and then looked at Raphael. _He had heard him ask if he wanted more. Of course he wanted more. He wasn't going to ask for it though. That was a game Shredder played. Trying to get him to beg. He did , a couple of times, when he was Michelangelo. Michelangelo was weak, bad...he was stupid...and had gotten captured...But when it came to begging, he refused to when he was no one. _

Raph frown seeing the confusion and indecision in Mikey's eyes. He wanted to help his brother so much, to get him to speak. "I'll be right back, I'll send in Splinter. Alright? He'll clean you up."

He frowned, wondering what he meant by that. _He felt his stomach churning_, and he whimpered. _He needed to use the bathroom, but there was none in his room. He felt like crying. Then Splinter was there, and asked what was wrong. He could answer that, Splinter was father, father won't hurt him_. "Bathroom?? Please??" he asked, scared.

Splinter nodded, seeing the fear in his son's eyes, and helped him up, and brought him to the bathroom. He turned his back so he could use the toilet privately. But turned back when he heard the flush. "You must take a bath my son."

He was scared. He didn't want a bath, baths were cold, baths hurt, people touched, made him feel icky. _He didn't want a bath. He was scared. But it was father. Must obey father. Father always right, and he felt tears build in his eyes, remembering pasts bath._ He watched with dull eyes, as father filled the tub with warm water. He was surprised, but he got in, feeling warmer than he ever felt. Then he felt Splinter's hands washing him, and he tensed up. He stayed tensed up, scared. _Scared Splinter would do to him what the others did. But he never did. _

Instead, Splinter hummed while he scrubbed his shell, hummed a song that was familiar, that was comforting. He flinched when Splinter went over a injury, but said nothing. He remained tense, worried. But he was drawn to the hum. Opening his mouth, his voice not so hoarse, he asked, "What hum?"

Splinter smiled, "An old song my son, from when you were small." and as he washed his sons arms gently, he sang in his Japanese accent,

"_**My son, my son, my sunshine you, grow to be big and strong, my son, my son, my sunshine you, **_

_**I love you today**_

_**, look around, and you shall see, **_

_**the world is full of possibilities, **_

_**my son, my son, my sunshine you, do not let that smile fade, **_

_**keep it there, on your face, and smile forever more, **_

_**my son, my son, you will be, fine again once more, **_

_**pain will fade, confusion cleared, but we are here again, **_

_**my son, my son, my sunshine you, do not worry my son,**_

_**for I will always love you, my son, my son, my sunshine you.."**_

_He remembered that song, he remembered curling into Splinter's lap, scared, afraid, and cried his fears, but it was so long ago, another time_, "Come my son, it is time to get out."

He was startled, _Splinter had not hurt him. None of them had hurt him yet. He was confused._ He stood there as Splinter dried him, unsure of what to do.

Splinter tugged him toward the door. He could think more clearly, focus on things around him. He saw them in the living room, and flinched as Splinter told him to sit.

_He frowned when the purple one, Donatello came and started placing bandages on his injuries. He wondered why they were being so nice. It confused him_.

Finally, he asked softly, "You no hurt….why?"


	6. Chapter 6

__

They looked so sad, so hurt. He wondered if he made them like that. He didn't mean to. HE just wanted to know why they didn't hurt him. He felt like a fog was lifting from him, he remembered some things, from so long ago, but they were jumbled, confused, full of fear. He didn't want to remember.

"Can you tell us who you are today??" Don asked softly.

He frowned, and answered the obvious question, "I am no one, nothing." _They looked stricken, sad, upset. HE frowned again, wondered if he made them upset_. "I'm sorry!" he said, _not wanting them to strike out_.

"We best leave it until the drug clears his system guys. But we are going to need to call him something, what should we call him??" Leo asked confused.

Splinter shook his head, "My son, the name I gave you is Michelangelo, and that is your name. You must accept it." he said sternly. He did not want his son to run from his fear, run from his name.

He shuddered_, he did not want to be Michelangelo. He was scared. But father said he had to be Michelangelo. _He nodded, "Okay," he said meekly.

He braced himself for the pain he was sure to get for being Michelangelo. He knew that he had to listen to father.

He was handed his orange bandana and his hands shook as he tied it on him. He was Michelangelo. And he was afraid.

His family didn't move, didn't say a word. Until Raph spoke quietly, "You wanna watch TV Mikey?"

_Michelangelo, Mikey_, gave a small smile, _hoping this wasn't a test_, "Okay."

_HE nodded. Agreeing, he could do that. Do what they wanted. He could obey. If he obeyed, he wouldn't get hurt. Right?_

_He sat there, stiff, unsure, confused. Minutes seemed to trickle by, and he cringed every time someone moved. He couldn't help it. He waited. That was all he could do. Wait for something to happen._

_

* * *

_

Suddenly, he could feel father moving toward him

, and Mikey backed away, his breathing started hitching up, _something was happening. Something about him. Mikey tried to focus, focus on the words he was hearing, but he had learned from before, phase out the words, don't listen. He knew he should. Father was speaking. _

Splinter sighed, knowing his son was suddenly scared, and he backed up, frowning, unsure of what to do. "Donatello, can you tell me if this confusion is a part of the drug in his system, or is it his mental state?"

Don stood up, staring at Mikey who cringed on the couch, "Its both sensei. I cannot take his blood, because it would scare him…sensei, I don't exactly what this drug is doing to him, I need more help.."

Splinter thought about a solution, and remembered his friend The Daimyo. If they were off the world, maybe he would be able to help his son. The Daimyo had medical attendants and were able to help without harming. "I will contact the Daimyo Donatello, if you can calm him, Please tell him to pack some items to go with him."

Don nodded. "I will tell the others."


	7. Chapter 7

Splinter nodded and soon left the lair.

He was very concerned with his son.

_The Shredder may have given his son drugs, enough to poison his system, but it had been 2 days now, and he had only been slightly clearer today. But Splinter noticed he was having flashbacks. And did not know if it was from the drugs, or the trauma._ He was worried_. How could he help his son? If he was still under the influence of the drugs?_

Splinter arrived at the alley that he used to travel to the Battle Nexus and went to see the Daimyo. He smiled as he saw his friend, "My friend, it is great to see you, I only wish it was under better circumstances."

The Daimyo gave a smile, and waved his hand, "I can feel many emotions coming from you my friend. Please, come, let us talk."

Splinter smiled and sat down to drink tea. He waited until it was served and took a drink. "We have a situation Daimyo…it is my son Michelangelo."

The Daimyo asked, "What is wrong? Has he been injured?"

Splinter nodded, "Several months ago, my son was taken while he was out. We had just rescued him a few days ago, but he is much changed…he had been tortured and drugged."

The Daimyo remembered the young turtle. He was full of life, laughter and contained a light enthusiasm for life. And he loved teasing his brothers. "How is he now?"

Splinter frowned, looking at his tea, "He is very much changed, timid, scared, shy….he has lost his identity Daimyo."

"He lost his memory?" replied the Daimyo, concerned and worried.

Splinter shook his head, "In a way Daimyo, he returned, but he does not know who he is. The Shredder tortured him, made him confused about his very identity. He made Michelangelo become his brothers, messed with his head, drugged him so much, he became whoever the Shredder deemed for the day…that is as much as we got. Donatello tells me he is very damaged, that the pain from his injuries hurt him as well."

The Daimyo lowered his head sadly, "This news is disturbing and sorrowful my friend. Is there anything we can do to help?"

Splinter nodded, "I believe that Michelangelo needs a change of location, and some healers who can help him clear his system from the drug that is still there. I understand you have very understanding healers, some who have worked with ones who have been greatly damaged."

Daimyo nodded, "We have some of the best healers in this region. Please, it would give me great pride to help your son. He is full of life, and laughter. It is hard to believe he is so much changed, but you are a great friend, and you would not lie."

Splinter nodded, getting up and grabbing his cane, he smiled, "I appreciate this Daimyo, I fear for my son. Mostly because I fear that the Shredder will try and take him back before we can heal my son. That is why I am asking this favour. Thank you so much. I will go and retrieve my son."

The Daimyo stood, "I will send one of my aides to accompany you, so you will not have to travel too much. He will bring you to your home, and return you here from your home. You do not need to travel to the alley to teleport here."

Splinter nodded, "I thank you." They stood and the Daimyo called his attendant and told him the request. Soon, Splinter was on his way after he told another aide to contact the healers and explain what they needed to do, and to make sure there were accommodations nearby. Soon, he was on his way home.


	8. Chapter 8

When he returned, he saw that they were packed, and their were bags by the door, but his sons were not in the living room, nor the kitchen. Walking along the floor, he walked into the dojo, surprised at the sight in front of him.

His youngest son, was no longer wearing the orange mask, but the Red, and twirled the Sai's and had an scowl on his face.

He was battling against Leonardo. Raphael and Donatello watched with worry on their faces and Splinter asked quietly, still watching the battle, "What is going on my son?" he said to both.

Raph spoke first, "He kinda went freaky sensei, and panicked when we told him he was in his room. He found my old mask and tore his off….then talked like me…and started a fight with Leo…and they've been at it for about 20 minutes now."

Donatello nodded "Yeah sensei…I told him we were going to another place, the battle nexus, and he didn't know what that was…and that's when I brought him to his room, and he went 'freaky' like Raph said.." and he turned his eyes back to the match, "But sensei, you know how we fight, we all have different styles, all unique to us, Mikey fights exactly like Raph…I don't understand it."

Splinter watched with interest, seeing what Donatello meant.

Michelangelo was using Raphael fighting technique.

Splinter frowned, not understand how his son could fight like that.

Michelangelo was getting tired, and panted hard. Leonardo said something but then their was a light of fury in Michelangelo's eyes, and he jumped forward, and mixed some of Raphael's moves with Michelangelo's, and quickly pinned Leonardo, who held his hands up, "I yield."

Mikey smirked, and got up, and held his hands out to help Leonardo up, "I told you I could kick your ass," he said, voice raspy still.

Leonardo nodded, confusion in his eyes, and questions wanting to pour from his mouth, but he had seen Splinter, and turned to him. "Master Splinter, hi, are we ready to go?"

Splinter nodded, and walked to Raphael and took the orange cloth from his hands, and walked over to Michelangelo, "You are not Raphael my son. You are Michelangelo. Please, put this back on."

Mikey shook his head, anger wanting to erupt, but he remember just in time, _this was father, and must obey father_, so he slowly moved his hands above him, untying the knot holding his bandana in place, and let it slid from his face, _fear starting to grow, his breathing slightly increased, and his body shook timidly._

Splinter took the red cloth from his son, and handed the orange back, "You are my son, and you will be Michelangelo once more…."

Mikey stood there, staring at the orange cloth, he shook his head, and spoke, his voice low, trembling and raspy, "I no want be Michelangelo….not again….not ever again…" and his eyes turned into an icy look, "you are father…I am no one…and I will only be no one…"

Splinter looked at his youngest son, _remembering past times when he was a toddler, learning his name, remembering when Michelangelo learned how to do katas, saying in his young voice, "I be best ninja, I be like you father…"_

Splinter said, his voice full of sorrow, "My son, you are confused and afraid. We will help you find yourself again….find who you are meant to be."

Mikey shook his head mournfully, his eyes haunted as he glanced at his family, confusion in his face, "You want me be Michelangelo, I no want be him…not anymore….not ever…"

And Mikey turned away, and ran to his room. He slammed it shut, his mind whirling, _I yelled at him, tell him no…I so scared…he gonna hurt me…why? What wrong with be red….red strong, can be angry….can fight…can yell…orange no good, orange get hurt…orange get yelled at….I no be orange no more….they not make me orange ever again…never…._


	9. Chapter 9

Thought you might enjoy a longer chapter. Thanks for reading, please, if you can, review and let me know what you think...as for my other stories, they are being updated this week!!

Wahoo and enjoy!!

* * *

Mikey heard a light tap on his door, and he scurried backwards, _trying to find a place to hide….he was terrified, he yelled, talked back…he talk bad to father, be punished…but he was so scared….father is here…he talking…need listen…must listen…_

He took a deep breathe, trying to listen, trying hard to pay attention, Splinter spoke, sitting on his bed. "My son, you are scared. I can see that you are terrified to be yourself. It is going to be difficult to see who you were, but one day, we will show you, just how good you are. Even now."

Splinter waited, keeping a safe distance from his cowering son. He was indeed terrified. "We are going on a trip, a place called the Battle Nexus. You have been there before."

Splinter saw confusion and fear on Michelangelo's face, "Do you remember being there?"

Mikey shook his head, _Battle Nexus?? Who names a place that? This is messed up….why is he not yelling at me…hitting me…he moved…god, Please….just punish me…its worse when I don't know when its coming…_Mikey searched for words, "I go to nexus?? Why?"

Splinter sighed, "Yes, we are all going. We wish to be safe while you recover from your injuries that Shredder has done you.." but his voice faded away when Mikey suddenly moved.

_Shredder, oh god, Shredder is coming back, I gotta go, no, let me go, god, I scared, Please, don't move, I wanna go….why are doing this….I want go…run…run away…!!_ Mikey thought as he started running. He had to run as fast as he could, to get away. He couldn't endure Shredder again, not again….and three colours stopped him, Mikey stopped, panicking, red, blue and purple were talking, the voices blurred together, and he backed away in fear as they came toward him, he ran the other way, tears starting to fall down his cheeks.

"Please, me go, don't hurt me, God, Please, no more!" he sobbed, trying to push away the green arms that wrapped around him, holding him still. Mikey kicked and thrashed around. _Trying to break free, but he was nothing and soon, he just went limp, tired of it all, no point in fighting, he was trash, refuse, he had to listen anyway….it was father….voices travelled around him, speaking, telling him words, things that didn't make sense…_.but he stood there, trembling, tears ran down his face, _as red, blue and brown talked….and told him he was going…_

Splinter was saddened his son was so scared, had to be held in order to come on the trip. He shook his head, explaining to Michelangelo, but then he went limp…and then looked at them, with such haunted eyes, it made him want to cry. He got the portal ready to go, and told them to go ahead.

* * *

Arriving on the other side, Mikey remained tense, fearful. He looked up quickly, curious, but then felt a person coming near him, and he grabbed the nearest turtle, and clutched him. Leo grunted, feeling his little brother grabbing him tightly.

He glanced down, seeing the tense and trembling form of his little bro, and he dropped the bags he carried. He leaned over and held him. He felt his own tears wanting to fall down, but he had to be strong. "Its okay Mikey, we're here. Nothing is going to hurt you!"

Mikey peeked over Leo's arms, seeing a huge figure pop nearby, and he ducked back into Leo's arms.

"Daimyo, I thank you again for your hospitality." Splinter said solemnly. He glanced at his sons, wanting them to say thank you as well.

Don spoke quickly, "Thank you again Daimyo, how is your son?"

The Daimyo smiled, "My son is doing quite well. He is learning more each day. I am most Pleased with his progress. And how are all of you?"

Don smiled, "I am good. Thank you."

Raph grunted, "Thanks Daimyo, its nice to be able to walk around here…hey, can Mikey watch his battle with Kluh again?" a sudden inspiration holding him.

Daimyo smiled, "We have all the games on here, repeated all the time. I am sure I can play Michelangelo's fight with Kluh when he is ready."

Daimyo turned to Mikey, "How are you Champion?"

Mikey peeked out, seeing the large figure. _who was he, why was he asking him questions? What was this place? Why did everything look so different….I'm scared I wanna sleep, where can I sleep….what the heck is a Kluh?'_

Leo grunted when Mikey ducked back in his arms, and smiled at Daimyo, "He will be alright once he gets some sleep Daimyo. Thank you for letting us come here and help Mikey heal."

Daimyo nodded sadly, he had seen from himself the damage that had been done to Michelangelo. Making a small sign to Splinter, telling him he wished to talk, he left them to help secure Michelangelo to their rooms. It was quickly agreed that they would share a room with Michelangelo and make sure he wasn't alone. Raph went to gather up some food and had it sent to the rooms.

_Why we here….I thought it good be at other place….now, new place…who that big guy is…why call damyo?? Food…I smell food….hope they let me eat again…._ he thought as they put bags together and pulled things out, talking amongst themselves. He sat on the bed he was told was his, and watched, in silence.

Then a little boy popped out of no where, startling him, and Mikey scrambled back. The boy was loud, "Champion, I'm so glad you are here!!"

Mikey didn't know who this little person was, but he was running toward him, fast!!_ Go away, no, Please, don't hurt me, don't, go away, _he thought, panicking. He scrambled off his bed, running behind one of the turtles, he saw the colour purple and his mind thought _Donatello_ and he trembled behind him.

_He could hear talking, the little one stopping and being talked to by the other turtle with blue and the rat he called father_. He trembled, shaking. _He wore no bandanna and he shouldn't be scared. He was nothing…no one….why was he scared…they can hurt him like this…when he was trash…_

Raph looked on in silence, seeing Leonardo and Splinter trying to explain to the Daimyo's son that Michelangelo was very scared and confused right now, and to stay away and always remain quiet around him. Loud noises scared him. When he asked why, he was told that an enemy had hurt Michelangelo a lot and they were there to help him heal.

"I'll help heal the Champion Splinter-san, I will help…" Ue-Suma says happily, "I will return when you think I can help. I shall see your family later and tell the Champion I hope he gets better."

They smiled at the young ninja. And nodded. They watched him leave and turned with saddened eyes to Michelangelo crying behind Donatello. Splinter approached him, and whispered softly, "My son, it is alright now. He is gone, there is nothing to fear…come, let us go and sit…it is time to eat."

He heard father talk about food, and he gave a small smile, hoping to have some food. Raphael smiled lightly at Michelangelo when the food arrived. It was laid on the table, for all of them to eat.

Michelangelo stayed where he was, hesitant to join them. Splinter smiled, "Come my son, it is alright."

_But he would not go near….no more traps, no more tricks…._he thought as he stood there. _His stomach wanted food, but he would not. He was not allowed such fare, it was wrong….he was animal….trash…he did not deserve to eat at table._

Raph sighed and placed some food on a plate, "He won't eat with us sensei, he eats from the floor….like he was before….he can't remember eating like us…" and he stepped forward, holding the plate out, trying to see if Mike would take it.

But Mikey has a scared and guarded look on his face, one filled with fear and apprehension. Raph's head dropped slightly. He placed it on the floor. Instead of taking several steps backwards, he decided to take 3 steps back, hoping to see Michelangelo be okay with that.

But he would not move. Raph watched, "Its okay Mikey, its for you." but he would not move from where he stood, near his bed, watching warily.

Everyone watched in silence as Raph took another step back, and saw Mikey step forward one. Raph took another two steps back, and Mikey moved forward, his face showing eagerness, pleasure, and with one more step, the plate was seized and Mikey darted backwards, fast and quickly, scooping the food off the plate with his hands, and eating quickly.

Splinter, Leo and Don were saddened to see their son and brother eat like he was an animal. "No, this isn't the worse guys," Raph whispered, "He acts like one too, watch," and Raph stepped forward.

The little turtle growled at Raph, snapping his mouth angrily, clutching the plate to him. Raph stepped back, and went and sat at the table. His appetite was gone.


	10. Chapter 10

They couldn't believe it. It was shocking and it hurt them to see such a sight. "Raphael?" Splinter said softly, lost.

Raph shrugged, unsure on what to say, "He ate like that yesterday too sensei….I think that's how he was fed when he was with Shredder."

Then they heard the shattering of the plate dropping. They had forgotten about not saying his name. And were seeing the consequences. Mikey had dropped his plate, shattering on the floor. They had jumped up, seeing him with fear and anger on his face.

"Michelangelo! Do not touch!" Splinter said sharply when Mikey grabbed one of the sharp pieces of the plate. Mikey growled, _Shredder can't hurt me, not anymore, he no hurt me, bad, him bad, gotta leave, they give me him…no more…tease…take food…no…my food…mine….no take….its mine…._

Mikey gripped the shard, ignoring the cuts digging into his palm. _He heard them talking, talking of taking the piece of glass from him, take everything away, he would not let them, no, he would rather die then go back to Shredder! _Mikey moved the shard to his wrist, wanting to stop the pain.

Leo jumped forward, grabbing Mikey's arm, trying to make him turn it away when Mikey swung his arm, trying to stop him.

Grabbing the wrist and feeling the weak attempt Mikey was fighting with. He realized a lot of muscle had faded from his little brother. And when he heard a gasp and the shard fell, he quickly pulled Michelangelo toward him, trying to avoid him walking on the broken plate.

Mikey fought, _don't touch me, I knew it, knew they hurt, they grab me, ouch, stop, let go, hurts, hurts, let me go. I wanna be let go…I' sorry_ "I' sorry, I be good, I be good," Mikey pleaded, trying to twist away from Leonardo's grip, not knowing he was just trying to prevent Mikey from hurting himself. "I be good, lemme go, I be good, I listen…" he started to sob.

Twisting and turning, he managed to hit Leo hard across the face, and the grip loosened and Mikey ran. He didn't feel the small cuts forming on the bottom of his feet from the shards. He had to run. He panicked. _He could hear voices behind him, running, feet following him. Sounds, words, Michelangelo, not him, not Mikey, not Michelangelo, not be him no more. He felt the orange cloth around his eyes, and tore it down, letting it fall to the ground. Let me go, I can't be him no more!!_

Mikey ran, _dodging past people, aliens, gasping at the sounds, the voices, he ran into a purple guy, and felt himself slammed to the ground. He whimpered, fear enveloping him, something was scary, something made him fear more fear. _He heard words, saw blonde hair, purple skin, "This is the mighty champion??" the voice scoffed.

Mikey cried out, feeling himself being picked up, hands were huge, he cried out, twisting, trying to break free_ huge, huge, giant, let me go, leave me alone, no, no more, help, don't hurt me_ "Please, don't!" he pleaded.

The guy laughed, rich deep, scornful, Mikey struggled against the grip holding him, squeezing him, "I shall tell my son Kluh that you are nothing now. Look at you, pathetic whelp! Scrawny, a baby, your nothing," _the giant said, Mikey trembled, remembering words such as those from another voice, one that caused great pain, hurt him, made him scared, he felt himself slammed into the ground, voices loud all around, roaring, cries, fighting, panic, fear, help, don't, let me go, hurts, stop, Please, no, NO, don't touch me, Please, don't touch me!!_

Don and Raph had ran after Mikey when he slammed Leo in the face. Leo's nose had bled, making Splinter make him take care of it before running after him. Raph and Don heard a commotion, a familiar voice, and their hearts thudded with fear. It was Kluh's father!! Ammag!!

Running toward the disturbance, he saw Mikey being slammed into the ground, and curling up into his shell, trembling. The guy was laughing heartily. People were yelling, screaming, trying to break through the crowd to help the small turtle.

Then the Daimyo appeared, seeing everything and he froze Ammag and his men. He motioned to Raphael and Donatello to see to him, and turns to Ammag, "Ammag, I have told you if I found you in these regions again, I will have you arrested. Why have you returned?"

Ammag growled, "I came because I heard rumours about the shellback that took my son's honour and I demand a rematch!"

Daimyo shook his head, "You know as I do Ammag, that when you broke the rules to the Battle Nexus that you and your family will never again be allowed to challenge anyone again."

Ammag declared, "Then I will find that whelp when he is not here and I will have my son's honour back!!"

Daimyo shook his head, "I am afraid that I cannot allow that. You were given your chance at freedom Ammag, but since you chose to return here, then I will bring you to justice." and with a wave of his power, they disappeared.

Daimyo turned toward Raphael and Donatello who were trying to get Mikey to calm down.

"Is he alright? Should I call my healers?" Daimyo asked concerned.

Don said, "I don't know Daimyo, he won't show himself, just a minute, Raph, remember back in the lair, he wasn't afraid when he was someone else, maybe for a few minutes we can get him to be one of us."

Raph nodded, "But what one?"

Don shrugged, seeing Splinter and Leo breaking through the crowd seeing the commotion. "Is he alright Don?"

Don shrugged, "I don't know. He's shaking, afraid and won't show his face. He's trying to slip into his shell. And with the weight he lost, he may be able to."

Raph said, "Give him yours Donnie, he can turn on you and he can tell you what hurts, in words he knows you would use."

Don smiled, Mikey was a fairly good medic when he needed to be. Pulling a spare mask from his belt, he pushed it into Mikey's hand, but Mikey wouldn't move. "Mikey, Please, take Donatello's mask!"

Mikey peeked out, seeing the purple cloth, "I be purple? No get mad?" he said trembling.

Don shook his head sadly, his voice broke, "No Mikey, we won't hurt you."

Mikey took the cloth, slowly, _looking to see if he would be punished, but they said to wear it, said to be purple, they want him be purple, purple is good, smart, he know words…purple good…and tying the cloth on,_ he closed his eyes, drawing up his persona he played when he was purple, _he was more clearer, but it was getting harder to act like the colours, everything was blurring together, he couldn't remember certain things..._

"How do you feel? What hurts?" Raph asked briskly.

Mikey opened his eyes, _feeling, remembering, Don, Don was good, smart, fun…quiet…shy…strong…so strong…_he looked at them, trying to catalogue the pain, "Hurts, leg, stomach.." he said, gasping.

Don asked sharply, "Is the pain sharp in your stomach, or a throbbing?"'

Mikey gasped, _trying to remember, Donnie, he was Donnie, not Michelangelo, not orange, but orange was always hurt, he felt tears build, it was a façade, it wasn't real!! He hurt...he was hurt...donnie not be hurt...he orange...orange hurt..._

He reached up shakily, his strength fading, he pulled off the purple cloth, and whispered, "N…not Don…not…not Mikey…orange...no...nothing…I'm nothing……"


	11. Chapter 11

Raph had enough, he grabbed Mikey by his arms, was about to yell at him to accept who he was, but the Daimyo held up his staff, teleporting them to the Healers pavilion.

Suddenly, a half dozen healers gathered around Mikey. Words were said, and something was put into Mikey's mouth and he was suddenly asleep.

Raph couldn't believe it, things were happening to fast, he didn't understand it. What had happened to his little brother? Turning to the Daimyo, he asked angrily, "What is going to happen to Ammag?"

Daimyo watched silently as his Healers worked on the young turtle, "Ammag is going to be tried and processed for interfering in the Battle Nexus and charges of assault and battery are being filed for what he did here. As well as attempted murder charges from when he tampered with the battle nexus, causing it to be mortal. Do not worry Raphael, we take charges such as these quite seriously. Be with your brother, take care of him."

Raph nodded, seeing Don asking many questions as they worked on the small turtle, and Leonardo and Splinter talking to each other as they waited. Raph walked over to them. He listened to the conversation a bit, thinking about his brother, how he used to be.

* * *

Mikey used to have a smile on his face, always had a joke, was happy and content, but then he disappeared. He had gone out to get some new comics, something simple. He had wanted to go by himself, because it was just comics. They let him, knowing it was a task even Mikey could do without getting into trouble. But then Mikey did get into trouble, and he never came back.

They searched for hours, only going home to update Splinter who was sick at the time, and eat something before going back out. They pushed themselves to the limit.

Infiltrated Shredders base several times, Stockman's labs, Bishops labs.

But they couldn't find a clue onto where Mikey was. Until they stumbled across a Foot Ninja who was working at this lab. A lab they overlooked because it wasn't known. They had no clue it was there. It wasn't like there were a bunch of Foot Ninja around it to let them know. They were all dressed up normally. Even to this day, Raph thought, if it wasn't for that one Foot Ninja, they wouldn't have found Mikey.

Raph thought about when they heard the news.

_

* * *

_

Raph was depressed and pissed. He as angry at the whole damn world. His little brother had been missing for almost 4 months now. 4 months. 4 long months without laughter, without happiness, Raph recalled the last words he said to Mike, and shuddered hoping those weren't the last words.

_Don whispered something, "Look, a Foot Ninja!" he said pointing down. _

_Leo, Raph and Don stopped, looking down. They had been on their way to search the warehouses dockside and had bypasses the warehouse around here. Raph had asked why they weren't looking into these buildings, and Leo said, "Don found they were all dealing with shipping and cosmetics…we figured the Shredder wouldn't have anything like that."_

_Raph agreed, Shredder would be stupid to have a warehouse like that. But Don had seen a Foot Ninja leave the warehouse and they were suspicious. They followed him as he walked, intending to see if he would lead them to Mikey. But they watched in silence as the Foot Ninja ripped his mask off, about to get into his car when they jumped down, surrounding him. _

_Leo spoke, "Where is our brother?"_

_The ninja was young, maybe 17, and terrified. "I….he's in that warehouse…"_

_Raph's eyes widen, they didn't think they would get a answer like that. He growled, "You telling the truth?"_

_The ninja nodded, eyes wide, "Yes…yes…he's there…I… I was a guard….they have him in a cell…."_

_Don jumped forward, "Is he hurt?"_

_The ninja's voice was soft, "Yes…"_

_They paled. Leo spoke in a voice that was cold, buried anger showed, "You will tell us everything, how to get in, where the cell is, what happened to our brother, everything!!"_

_The ninja shook, and nodded, "I swear, he is there, you have to go to the 2__nd__ sub-basement, he's down there, its always dark, except certain days, I haven't been there long, I hate what they are doing to him, Shredder is planning on fighting him again in 2 days. There are 14 ninja's guarding him…on the 1 sub-basement, there are 20-25 Ninja's. Please, don't kill me, I…Please…I don't want to be there…"_

_Raph growled, "Then why are you?"_

_The ninja's eyes showed pain, "Because…they took my father and told me I have to join!"_

_They understood, "Go now, we won't say a word about who you are." Leo said angrily. The ninja turned and jumped into his vehicle, and drove off. Leo turned to Raph, "Call Casey, we are getting him back tonight!"_

* * *

Raph shuddered, remembering when they first found him. They had turned on the light and he heard Mikey cry out in pain, the light was too bright.

So they shut it off, but seeing Mikey so injured, his body was covered with new injuries and old, scars everywhere, and it scared him. He couldn't believe his little brother was hurt so badly. But he was able to walk. It was like he was in shock, he didn't speak, just let himself be pushed, cajoled. They had reached the Shell van and dumped Mikey in, Raph had went to drive, knowing they had to get away as fast as possible, and concentrated on that. When Don said Mikey didn't know who he was anymore, it nearly broke his heart in two.

Then Raph saw the Healers come toward them, "My name is Sarila…I am the Head Healer...Your brother is deeply traumatized with all that has happened to him," the women said gently, she sat down nearby.

"We examined him and found many injuries that concern us. Some are old and some are more recent. What has happened?"

Leo spoke, "He had been captured by an enemy of ours on our world. He tortured and beat Mikey…"

The women had a flash of anger, "That man must be quite despicable to cause such harm to such a young one."

Splinter leaned forward, "Can you tell me, what are his injuries. We have tried to help him a we could."

The women smiled sadly, "You have done great job Splinter san. Your son is injured. His spirit more-so.

She paused, gathering her thoughts, "His ribs were bruised, some were cracked, 3 were broken…and from the x-rays, we could tell he had his ribs broken several times. There is a surgical scar on his plastron, and we checked to see what was it for, and found a portion of his liver was taken. It grew back, slowly, but still…that was awful.." she paused, needing to think.

"Michelangelo's injuries are bad, but he will recover. We found traces of a drugs in him. It was a combination. I do not know the name to it. But we found small cavities underneath his skin, where there were old injuries. It seems that these capsules were made to slowly disintegrate, to keep Michelangelo drugged and disoriented. That is why he is like that…there is one drug in here that troubles me." She paused, looking down at the papers in her hands. She handed the papers to Donatello, knowing he was a science turtle, "Do you recognize this chemical?"

Don read the report, paling as he read what the chemical was. "He wasn't, was he?" he said stricken.

"What was it Don," Leo asked calmly.

Splinter turned toward Donatello, not liking the paling of his brainy son. "What is wrong my son?"

Raph growled, "Spit it out Donnie!"

Don whispered, "LSD."

Silence.

Then Sarila spoke, "Is this some sort of drug on your world?"

Don searched his brain for all the information he could find about LSD. "LSD is the most common hallucinogen. The effects of LSD are unpredictable. They depend on the amount taken, the user's personality, mood, and expectations, and the surroundings in which the drug is used. The physical effects include dilated pupils, higher body temperature, increased heart rate and blood pressure, sweating, loss of appetite, sleeplessness, dry mouth, and tremors" Don started to explain, shifting into lecture mode.

"The good thing is LSD is not considered to be an addicting drug because it does not produce compulsive drug-seeking behaviour like cocaine, amphetamines, heroin, alcohol, or nicotine. Its not like he's addicted…but the bad news is Some LSD users experience flashbacks, A flashback occurs suddenly, often without warning, and may occur within a few days or more than a year after LSD use." he explained.

Raph's eyes gaped, shock written on his face, "So your telling me Mikey may have flashbacks and thank God he's not addicted??"

Don nodded, "Yes Raph, that is what I'm saying. If Shredder had used Cocaine or heroin. Then Mikey could have died already from withdrawals. He's getting his dose through those cavities, so once they remove them, we can slowly get Mikey off LSD and help him through everything and bring Mikey back."

Leo turned to Don, "Can we do it though Don?"

Don was puzzled about the question, he didn't understand. "Do what?"

Leo's voice was low, but it spoke the question they all wanted to know the answer to, "Can we bring Mikey back?"

Raph's eyes burned with desire, with love, and he turned to all of them, "We are getting Mikey back, because we are his family, and he needs us. Mikey will be back, he may not be the same, but he will be Mikey again." he stated boldly.

His family all smiled at his determined answer and gathered around to hug him.

* * *

Here's another chapter, so enjoy and push that little purple button below, feed me lots of reviews so I can keep updating all my stories again this week. If I missed a story last week, let me know, LOL, I have so many stories up suddenly. So enjoy and read my new stories.

Happy Canada Day!!


	12. Chapter 12

_Mikey was in a haze, something was different. More crystal…clear….he felt lighter…talking….there was talking around…listen….something there…shredder…_

_Please…no shredder…brothers….father?? What they want….I bad…useless…_

Leo was watching Mikey sleeping. Mikey was talking in his sleep, words flowed from his mouth for Leo to hear. "No Please, leave it. Please…let me be him…Please…" Mikey pleaded.

Leo felt his own tears built and sighed. He hated that his brother was so hurt, and in so much pain.

Mikey woke up fast, voice open to scream but nothing came out. He looked around in fear, gasping at seeing he was in another unfamiliar place. He scrambled backwards, kicking the blankets back. Two healers came toward him, wanting to calm him down. Mikey cringed and cried, wanting to hide. "NO!!" he screamed. He whimpered, staring around, trying to find a place to hard.

Leo had jumped up, trying to calm him down, "Easy Mike. Its okay, your in a hospital."

Mikey glanced down, checking his plastron, ripping the bandage off his still healing mark, but he didn't see the mark was healing, he saw that it was there, just after his surgery, the first time, they took something from him, they took something inside him, "Please…give back.." he sobbed.

Leo had no clue what Mikey was talking about. Out of the corner of his eyes, he saw Raph and Don come running up. Leo said, "I thought the drugs were supposed to make him clearer!" he said, turning to Don.

Don sighed, "I said we have to wait until the drugs clear his system Leo. Its not like that was all that was in him. He's having a flashback I think. He wants something that was taken from him. I wonder what it-" he broke off when he realized what Mikey was crying about. "oh my god, he remembers the surgery that Stockman did on him!"

Don approached Mikey slowly, and made Mikey look at him, "Mike….listen to me, you need to tell me…when you orange…you were awake when doctor take from you?" touching the wound lightly.

Mikey tensed up, shivering, he nodded, "I choose orange…mine…orange choose…this…take from me…take inside….I not sleep…he say like scream…like hurt…like feel…"

Don paled, making what Mikey had said out. He sighed sadly, "Poor Mike. Its going to be okay now…these doctors, they won't take from you. I swear. One of us, one of us colours, stay with you always…not alone...father too. Won't be alone. Promise."

Mike frowned, _not alone, I won't be alone? Someone near me, protect me?? Why? Why protect? Not worth anything? Father too? But why? Orange choose this! Orange bad. Orange wrong._ "Why you protect? Orange bad. Orange wrong. Orange be me….you want me be orange, but orange wrong. Bad orange, bad, rotten, worthless!" Mike said quietly.

Don felt his own tears build up, he knew his brother's mind was still disturbed, still messed up. Then Mikey spoke in a different voice, childlike, almost himself, "Why you cry? Why cry over something not change?"

Don broke down. Raph and Leo watched as their younger brother broke down. They were about to approach when Don whispered, "Because you are worth so much Mike. So much. It hurts seeing you like this…lost…I cry because I miss Mikey. My Mikey. Not orange. Just Mike."

Mike smiled, "I no be orange no more, I be Mike, for you. NO orange. Be other colours? Please? I like purple, red and blue. Strong, wise, fierce. I be them. One day. I be other color."

Don smiled through his tears. "I know Mikey. I can't wait. We'll help you. Just talk to us, alight?"

Mike nodded, smiling. He felt almost normal, something was different. Something cleared away the mess in his mind.

Don wiped his tears away, and asked calmly. "Mike, do you know my name?"

Mikey frowned, biting his lip, nervous. He thought for a minute, trying to draw the names he used to repeat. "Purple." he said.

Don shook his head, "Yes, I am purple, but what is my name?"

Mikey thought harder, trying to reach through his head, the pain, the confusion, trying to draw up the names he recited. His eyes lit up when he remembered, "You purple, Donatello. There red, Raphael, and blue, Leonardo. Then orange. Michelangelo. Then father."

Don smiled, eyes lighting up. "Yes, I am Donatello. Come, its time for us to help you get better."

Mikey was pulled to his feet and he flinched when Don put his hand on his arm, but wiped it away. _He could be Mike for them. They want him Mike. I not him…he lost long ago…ran away…orange be weak. Worthless…_ "I be no orange! No Michelangelo??"

Leonardo stepped forward this time, he frowned, but said, "You are Michelangelo, you will always be him…but you are not orange no more!" he said. Resolving to help his father choose a different color for Mikey, since orange can't be his color if he is to heal.

Mike smiled, it was the first smile they really got. Each of them smiled back, grins on their faces. Raph said, "Hey Mikey, you hungry?"

Mikey just continued smiling, content he was no longer orange_. He refused to answer questions that would lead to pain, he knew asking for food was a big no-no. He couldn't. He would get hurt. He smiled. They liked him smiling. Then blue touched his arm, and Mike tensed up. Don did to, and he felt himself cringing, words, flashbacks coming, and he gasped, when he saw a guy dressed in black clothing. He stared in astonishment, who was this…rabbit?? Rabbit right word? He carried swords, swords at his side, _he looked stern, angry, but he smiled when look at Leo.

"Mike, this is Usagi, do you remember him?" Leonardo said smiling, seeing his friend arrive. They were trying to see what Mikey remembered. Mikey stepped back when Usagi held his hand out, scared and started to tremble. He shook his head, scared.

Raph's and Don's smile faded, they knew Mikey did not remember. "What's wrong with his memory Don? Why does he only remember some things?" Raph asked, as they tried to calm the small turtle.

Don sighed heavily. "I don't know Raph. He seems to have lost his memories. Well, some of them at least. He just can't remember. I don't know why."

Leo walked up to Usagi, and shook his hand, "Its good to see you Usagi."

Usagi smiled, "It is good to see you to Leonardo san. I heard what had happened, and wish to help. You must tell me what has happened to Michelangelo-san. It is quite disturbing to see him without his smile or laughter."

Leo nodded, "It is hard my friend. May I meet you later? We are going to calm him down enough so he can sleep some more. Then we can take turns once more."

Usagi looked at the little turtle, seeing him tremble and gasp sharply, and turned around, standing there in the doorway, was the Daimyo and the Daimyo's son. And Splinter.

"What is wrong sensei?" Don asked softly.

"It is time for practice my son." Splinter said softly.

"Practice? When Mikey is like this? You gotta be kidding sensei?!" Raph said angrily.

Splinter sighed, "I wish to see if Michelangelo remembers his practices, we have talked with the healers and they have said Michelangelo's memory is something we can work with if we meditate. I wish to see if it works. That is all. You man also spar. It may jog Michelangelo's memory."

Leo nodded, understanding. He turned to his little brother, "Mike, com'n, we are going to go to the dojo here. We will practice."

Mikey trembled, _the dojo? No…Nooo, no dojo!! I no want to fight!! No, I do not fight!! Father say go, but I no want to. Why? Why? I hate this, I can't speak, can't say no, say no means hurt! Say no means pain! I need color! What color I be? I no want fight, no want to kill!_


	13. Chapter 13

Leo watched as emotions flashed through Mikey's eyes, indecision and fear, terror and pain. He noticed Mikey's injuries were still healing and said, "Mikey, I want you to sit and just watch, that is all. We are going to practice. When you are ready, then you may join, but only when you are ready!" he said gently, wanting to make sure Mikey understood.

Mikey gulped as the approached the dojo, and heard Leo's statement and was shocked. _He did not have to fight? He just watch? I not want to fight, not ever! _He gave a small nod, ignoring the pain in his body as he knelt down. _His ribs flared and his wounds twinge, but he was content in the pain. He could handle it. He got used to being in pain._

"My son, after practice, we are going to the sweat rooms, alright?" Splinter asked softly, sitting beside Michelangelo. _He was aware that he tensed up, and had heard the soft intake as he sat down. He wished his son would heal. _

Mikey watched interested as Red, Blue and Purple fought, he found himself calling them by his colours rather than their names, it was easier. _To say, and think….to figure out between them. Then suddenly he saw black, and he trembled with fear and hatred. He didn't see the white fur, and the smile on Usagi's face, he saw evil man, T'Yuin. A man who hurt him, beat him, assaulted him. T'Yuin threatened colours, told Orange that colours would be hurt. Hurt like him, broken. Orange could not allow that. _

Before they could even move, Mikey ran forward, glaring in anger, Blue's swords in his hand, roughly torn from their owner. "You not touch him!" Mikey said angrily, his blues eyes icy and full of hatred, switching into Orange's personality.

_He was Orange, orange could be hurt. Not colours. Orange could be killed, orange could be beaten, orange will take pain, but not his colours. Not Blue, Red or Purple, they are his, they will not be harmed! He did not see Usagi, but a Foot Tech, one that had tormented him greatly, named T'Yuin. _

_Leave him alone. You will not hurt him, take me, fight me, defeat me, but do not touch him, any of them._ Orange thought as he glared at The black outfit Usagi wore. That made it harder for him to distinguish between Usagi and the Foot Tech who assaulted him.

_He heard his name, the one father called him, but he was not him no more, he was Orange, a pathetic creature who deserved this pain. Orange be bad, and worthless. But orange be hurt, that was okay, _

He twirled the swords silently, "You will have me tonight!!" he said angrily. _This man had taken him, tore him open, invaded his body, hurt him. _

"Michelangelo-san, I have no intention of fighting you!" Usagi said worriedly as Leonardo tried to pull Michelangelo away from Usagi.

"Mikey! Please, this is my friend!! He's is our friend, our ally!" Leonardo said, _shocked that he did not even see Michelangelo move, or that his Katanas were torn from his hands so quickly, and his little brother in an attack stance._

He tried pulling him away, when he realized Mikey's eyes were blank, but confused. He was not seeing Usagi, but someone who tormented him. A flashback.

"DONNIE!" he yelled out, grunting as he was shoved back hard, surprised at the strength coming from Michelangelo.

"Then you shall die!!" his brother cried out angrily. And he jumped toward Usagi, and they started to fight.

Swords clanged loudly together, a sharp whistling as swords came and were dodged. They watched in awe as Michelangelo fought hard, using amazing moves precisely, his eyes determined and focused, but words flowed from his lips.

"You shall have me!! I am pet!" Mikey spat at Usagi, who was confused but focussed on fighting back. He was surprised Michelangelo was so skilled.

"Michelangelo-san, focus, you are not seeing your tormenter, I am not him! My name is Usagi! I do not want to fight you! I do not want to beat you!" Usagi said, knowing Michelangelo was not in the right frame of mind.

Mikey glared angrily, moving into an easy pose, formally Dragon Crest, but he faltered, his body still weak, "Still lies?? NO!" and he moved in for the kill, but was startled when he heard his name yelled by Don and Raph. He rolled instead of swinging his sword, and grunted. His ribs flared again, making him pant from exertion.

"I am your plaything T'Yuin!! You not touch my family." Mikey said, calling Usagi by one of his captors. The foot tech who used and abused him.

_Usagi didn't know what to do. Leonardo was always kicked back, and Raphael and Donatello were forced to dodge the swords. Even Splinter could not get close, _always to hear, "You shall not touch them," Orange had said, tears falling down his cheeks.

Then Usagi bounced high, managing to do a forward kick, hitting Mikey to his knees. Mikey spoke with tears in his eyes, defeated, "Fine, just take me!! Do not touch them, Please!! " he begged, dropping his swords in defeat.

_They will not touch my brothers! He may have me, but never my brothers! T'Yuin, Please, don't touch them, they are good, they are strong. You already broke me. Please, not them, take me. I be orange. I be him…you take me…_

Usagi stood there, panting, he had fought hard, and was not prepared for the exhausted fight. He stared at the broken form of Michelangelo, seeing the defeat and acceptance in his eyes, and he shook his head sadly.

"Michelangelo-san, I do not wish to take you. I do not want to harm you. I am not this T'Yuin. I am not him. Please," he said, trying to break through the confusion.

"Com'n Mikey, lets go to the Healer's Pavilion," coaxed Donnie as he and Raph gently helped Mikey up, who grunted as he moved his body.

Mikey turned to Usagi, "I be Orange, orange be pet. I be pet for you tonight. I be good."

Mikey was brought back up, flinching from their touches, slowly coming back. He watched in silence as they talked to him, but Mikey knew he was bad, that he had yielded. He sighed. They brought him to the Healer's and was told to rest.

_

* * *

_

It was dark out now, and Purple was watching him. But he slept.

Waking up softly and quietly, he reached beside his bed, grabbing the orange mask and put it on. _To do this, he had to be weak, to be bad. To give in, he was going to be orange. _

Orange opened his eyes warily, slowly moving. _He had to go. He yielded, he had to go. If he lost, he had to go to him. As much as the thought scared him, he didn't want his brothers to go. _

Shivering in the cool air, he crept past Don's sleeping form, and past the Healers. He used stealth he didn't know he had as he crept up stairs, instinctively going to guest quarters, finding the one he lost to.

He stood there, just inside the door, watching the rabbit sleep. Orange frowned, scared. He stepped in, and made a slight noise, alerting Usagi to his presence.

Usagi started, awake, and saw Michelangelo there. He frowned, wondering why. "Michelangelo, why are you here? Did something happen?"

_Orange knew this was not T'Yuin. But he wore clothes like him, it was hard to figure them out. He must be the same. Usagi. This was someone different he had yielded to. That he had given himself to. He knew the punishment if he did not follow through, and a shudder racked his body. _

"I come…I be good pet for you." Orange said quietly. He had his orange bandanna on, hiding himself in it. He knelt down beside Usagi's bed, "I be good pet, I do what you want. I be good pet for you."

Usagi was shocked by this, and started to shake his head, fear and anger growing through him when he realized just exactly what Michelangelo had intended for him to do. _Who was the T'Yuin that hurt him? What had Michelangelo been through? _

"Michelangelo-san, this is not right. You are not a pet." Usagi said, trying to get through to him.

Orange shook his head warily, waiting to be used. To be soiled. "I am pet, I am yours. I will do what you want. You defeat me, I must come to you. I be bad, you must punish me. Orange be bad, be beaten…orange only good for pet, "

Usagi's eyes closed sadly, "You do not have to. Tell me Michelangelo, what did T'Yuin do to you?"

Orange closed his eyes, and played the dutiful pet he was when T'Yuin told him, a soft churring sound was heard, "I be good pet master. I be good boy. Don't hurt them. I be good pet for you, I listen hard, be good little boy." Orange said as he bowed to Usagi.

Usagi knew just what T'Yuin did to this kind soul. He had broken him. He could see the haunted and dark look in his eyes, "Who will I hurt Mikey?" he asked, wanting more answers.

Orange shuddered, "You find brothers…hurt them. I no want that, take me. Only me. I bad, soiled, tainted. They pure. I no good no more. I be good pet for you. You beat me."

Usagi's eyes widen and then he heard a knock on his door. He was about to move when Michelangelo moved toward the door, being the obedient pet.

"Mikey? What are you doing here?" Leonardo said surprised as he saw Mikey open the door.

Orange looked at the ground, ashamed, but he did what he had to. He moved back to Usagi's side, "I be pet for T'Yuin…no…Usagi…."

Leo's eyes widen in shock and he saw the uncomfortable look on Usagi's face. "Usagi, what is the meaning of this?" he asked angrily.

"I do not know Leonardo-san. I woke to find him in my room. He said he was my pet because I defeated him. I do not know what is going on." Usagi said sadly, "He believes that he must be punished, that I have captured you. Leonardo, he told me some things that disturb me. What should I do?"

Leo looked at his little brother sadly, tears in his eyes. He saw the broken look in his eyes, "What are you doing here Mikey?"

Orange cocked his head, and said simply, "I be good pet. He beat me. I go, belong to him tonight. He master….I be good pet…" and his eyes changed, the confusion turning to innocent eyes, "You want me help you? I be good pet, I help you?" he said, moving in front of Leo.

"AH, God, no Mikey, stop this. You are not a pet. You are not a plaything! You are not a slut!!" Leo said trying to break through, trying to bring Mikey back.

Orange scurried backwards, and went to Usagi, he was master. _He knew he had to obey. Last time he didn't, he hurt for days, tormented by T'Yuin. He shivered, confused. Why did his brother say he was not a pet. He was! Shredder made him one, led him on leash. He was a pet. Why they say he not?? _

Usagi sighed, and made Mikey kneel down, ignoring the look of anger coming from Leonardo. He had an idea that may work. "Michelangelo, I am telling you to listen. Repeat after me, I am not a pet."

Orange was confused, _why did he have to say that?_ But being obedient, he repeated. "I am not a pet." he said, confused and wary.

"I am Michelangelo, I am free. No one will ever touch me!" Usagi demanded, wanting Mikey to hear these words.

_Orange was confused, hesitant, but Master say to, he would get hurt if he didn't_. "I am Michelangelo, I free, No one will touch me." _Why did Master say to say these? Why is he not touching me? Why is he making me say his words? Why is he not hitting me?_

Usagi glanced at Leo, seeing the anger fade, and said, "You are not going to be hurt anymore. You are free from that pain Michelangelo. I have freed you. Let it out, speak of it. Do not let the demons defeat you."

Orange was shaking, unsure and afraid. "Why you say these words? Why you not hurt me? Why you not touch me? Am I being bad? I sorry?! I not mean too! I don't understand! Why you not want me? Please, punish me!" _wanting the pain, wanting what was familiar._

Orange started to panic, terrified. "Please, Please, don't put in stocks! Please, I be good, I be good little boy, be good turtle, I help you, I help you."

Usagi shook his head sternly, "NO! You will not. You will listen to me. Obey me!"

Orange shook, shaking, and nodded, "What you want?"

"I want you to go with Leonardo, and I want you to listen to him. I want you to obey him. Do you understand Michelangelo?" Usagi commanded. _He needed this to stop. Needed him to obey, so he could go to bed, so he could heal._

Orange nodded, "Yes sir, I understand. I go. I be good, I go. I listen to Blue!" and he turned to Leonardo, "I listen to you now. I be good. Okay Blue?" he said, shaking with excitement, glad to help, "Orange be good slave, I listen. I do what want. I Please you. I be good!"

Leonardo looked ill, hating that his brother was still sick, there had to be something wrong. "You will return to the Healers and take the medicine given, and you will go to sleep. Go!" and watched as his little brother ran off, listening.

Leo stood there, tears falling down his cheeks, and heard Usagi standing there, and a hand on his shoulder. "Michelangelo is ill Leonardo. There is more to this than you see. His body has been poisoned. His mind conditioned. They recover over time. But He will need patience. He needs to believe the words he is told. I will tell the Healers some remedies from my world. They help heal a body's spirit, and their minds." Usagi said sadly.

"He's so broken Usagi…Will he ever be the same as before?" Leo asked quietly, "His memories, his words, his attitude! Will it ever be the same?"

Usagi was heartbroken as he said, "I am sorry Leonardo. After what he has been through. He may never return to how he was. Just accept him as who he is going to be. He is going to have memory problems, and speech. He is always going to need some help. Go and help him Leonardo, go heal him."

Leo nodded, smiling through his tears, and hugged his friend tightly. "Thank you Usagi. You may tell the Healers your remedies. I will go now."

Usagi nodded.


	14. Chapter 14

Leo returned to the Healer's Pavilion, seeing Michelangelo sitting on his bed. He sighed. He said gently, "I wish for you to sleep in your bed tonight. Okay?" he said.

His little brother gave a smile, and nodded readily, and went to his bed, and quickly fell asleep. He saw he obeyed every command. Sighed, he slowly and quietly, as not to disturb his little bro, he woke up his family.

Meeting in Splinter's room, Leo told them what had happened that night. And as distressing as it was, they were glad on a small level that Michelangelo would take the medicine without duress.

Retiring to bed, they decided to talk with Mikey the next day.

_

* * *

_

Orange woke up, he still wore his mask. How he wanted to tear it off, but Blue had not said he was allowed. T-no, that was not him…it was Usagi…Usagi give him to Blue. He belonged to blue…and when Orange, he was pet. He knew the punishments. Getting up early, he saw they were already were talking. Orange wondered what he drank last night.

Scrunching up his nose at the taste of medicine last night, he scowled.

_He hated being weak, being soiled. But how can he be anything else. It was so confusing. _

"Mikey?" _he heard Orange's name, and glanced up, knowing that was his name, that he was this Mikey they missed. Blue had spoken. _

"Are you hungry?" Blue asked.

Orange frowned, _mentally telling himself he was Mikey, not Orange, and he wouldn't answer. He knew he could not. He could not ask for stuff. How he wished he could. But that was bad. And he shook his head silently. Orange got up though, and followed behind Blue and sat down beside him, on the floor, as they started to eat. Blue put food on a plate and told him to eat. _

_Orange was surprised, and took the food and started to move back, but Blue shook his head, and told him to sit at the table. Orange was worried and started to shake. He wanted the food, so much, he was very hungry. But he couldn't sit at the table. That was for them, he wasn't worthy. Pets eat on the floor. _

Blue shook his head again, "Mikey, I want you to sit in the chair beside me and eat." he commanded.

* * *

Leo saw Mikey start to sit down on the floor.

Shaking his head no, he pointed to the chair beside him. But he saw the confusion and fear on Mikey's face, and said sternly, "Mikey, I want you to sit in the chair beside me and eat."

_The confusion elevated and his body started to shake, but he moved to obey_.

Leo hated that he had to command Mikey. That he had to control him. He wore his orange mask, and Leo knew he was using the orange personality to obey. "Sit and eat all of your food, until you feel you can't eat no more."

Orange moved silently, _not looking at anyone, he knew he wasn't allowed to look. Using his hands he started to eat, slowly, taking small bites. He heard a small sigh, sounded annoyed, and he stopped, and started to fidget_. He gave a quick glance, seeing Blue pick up the silverware and hand them to him.

Orange shook wondering what the heck he was supposed to do with them. "Copy me." Blue said.

Orange looked at the Blue's hands carefully, frowning when he saw how he cut the food and then put it on the fork. He felt his hands shake slowly, and he felt the terror build up. He heard Blue talk, and made himself pay attention. "Why do you not like using a knife and fork?"

Orange looked at the fork and knife in his hands, and said softly, dropping them away from him, "Hurts, hurts…use hands?? Please?" he begged, wanting desperately to eat the food in front of him.

Blue shook his head no, wanting Mikey to eat properly, but was shocked to see his eyes dim suddenly, and he slowly started to eat, taking small bites, tense, fear radiating off of him.

Blue asked, "What happened to you to make you scared?"

Orange looked up, seeing his hands were shaking, and whispered, "Stab…pain…cut…" and he shuddered violently. "Not allowed, pet…bad pet…not human…not good enough…" and he grabbed his plate again, and dropped from his chair, scurrying into the corner, he shovelled the food into his mouth quickly. After he cleared the plate, he sat there waiting to be punished.

But Blue did not move. He stayed there, ignoring his own plate, and cried.

Orange, Mikey, he told himself, crawled over, "I sorry!!" he said meekly, knowing he had done wrong.

Blue shook his head, no, and said sadly, "No Mikey. Its me who is sorry. I shouldn't have force you. I know it is tough. Its going to be okay though. I want you to listen now. We are going to build your body up. Get you healthy enough. We are going to help you heal."

Mikey eyes showed confusion, "Why? Why heal me?"

Blue sighed, "I want you to listen to what we say. Me, your father and brothers. I want you to take your medicine and do the exercises. I want you to get stronger."

Mikey nodded, wishing he understood, but he listened and obeyed.

* * *

A few weeks past, and they worked hard. Mikey usually obeyed, but when it came to eating, he refused to join them. When they sat down to eat, he would take a plate and eat in the corner. No matter how many times Leo tried to get him to eat beside him. At the table.

_Why is Blue being so nice? I like it. Its makes me feel good. I like my new owner. Its fun. He takes me outside, and we walk around, and he smiles at me. I like smiles. _Mikey greeted Leo with a smile 2 weeks later.

Leo smiled back. _He could see some of Mikey's old traits coming through now that the drugs were clearing his system. He made sure Mikey took his medicine, and they often walked everywhere. Today, they wanted to see if his hyper-activeness would kick in. That was a trait of the old Michelangelo_.

"Come Mikey, we are going to do something new today. Father and us are going to meditate. You are welcome to join us." Leo said smiling at his younger brother who followed beside him.

"I follow you Leo!" Mikey said. _He wore his orange mask more and was feeling more comfortable. He wanted to take it off, but he enjoyed that he was someone now, even if it is a pet, he was someone. Mikey….or Michelangelo according to Father. He was starting to like being Mikey. Because this Mikey wasn't being hurt, or made fun of, and they seemed to like him being this Michelangelo more. _

He sat down beside them, watched them interested as they closed their eyes. He watched and waited patiently wondering what the heck they were doing. Minutes ticked by, and he frowned, a little perplexed, but he waited.

He glanced at the time on Purple's wrist and saw it had been an hour now. Frowning, he waved his hand in front of purple's face, but there was no reaction.

Jumping up, he slowly moved around his guardians, frowning and a little worried. He thought about calling out, but he hadn't been asked anything. But he was thinking more clearer, and vaguely remembered doing something like this. But did it always take this long?

He decided to test it. It had been 3 hours now, according to Purple's watch. And they still hadn't moved. Approaching the Red turtle, Raphael, he remembered, he poke him. Quickly, silently, and darting back, he waiting for his angry roar that usually came from him when he bugged him.

_But Red didn't react_. Getting worried, and grinning mischievously, he decided to try something he remembered the old Mikey did. He tickled Blue in between the plastron and shell. But Blue didn't move. He sighed.

More minutes ticked by, and he was getting irritated and annoyed. It was darker and all he did was watch them. _He didn't understand why they wouldn't move, or why they were silent._ Knowing he could receive a possible punishment, but not being able to stand sitting still and being silent no more.

Grabbing a jug of water, he threw it at the Red one, and smiled in relief that his eyes snapped open, and heard his gasp from the cold water. "You there? Red?…uh,…mean Raphael?" Mikey said timidly.

Raph was cold, shocked by how cold the water was. He was surprised on how long it took Mikey to react, but damn, he hadn't realized just how cold the water would be.

Looking up and glaring at Mikey, who looked a little scared, but more relieved.

"Why did you do that Mikey?" Raph said angrily. He could hear Leo, Don, and Splinter snickering.

Mikey cocked his head to the side, his eyes wide with innocence, "You no move!! SO long!! I not wait no more…make you move."

Raph growled a little, wiping the water from his bandana. "That's just great, just great, now I'm soaking wet. And all because you wanted me to move." Raph started to get up, but then slipped on the water on the slick surface and everyone burst into a light laughter.

Even though he was burning with humiliation, he and all the rest, had heard the small light laughter coming from Michelangelo.

_Was Mikey coming back after all? _Raph thought.

They all smile at the small feat. This small accomplishment, and hoped that Mikey was improving.

_They were laughing, they weren't angry, but laughing. He wasn't going to get punished!! Why though? He had been bad!? They are so confusing. They don't hit, or yell, or get mad, or make him work. They tell him to eat food and drink milk, and take his medicine. This family was different_, thought Orange, _maybe this family does like him being Mikey….but the more he thought about being this Mikey, the more nervous he felt….because he was still unsure if that was really him. _

_But Orange watched them as they laughed, and even though he wanted to join in, he knew he shouldn't. But the look on Red's face, it was odd. His face turned red, like mask….and he saw them all laugh_…and he let a small laugh, light, but uneasy, but it was a start…..


	15. Chapter 15

* * *

"Mikey, I promise, no one will hurt you, and you won't be alone. We are here, you just need to remember what turtle we are. Understand?"

When Orange was brought to the Healers everyday, he was promised he wouldn't be alone, and that no one would hurt him. He made sure he was told this, or he wouldn't let any of the Healers near him until someone was with him at all times. That he was never alone when he had to see the Healers.

* * *

_He tensed up, wondering who it was. He still had trouble trying to figure out who was who. He turned and saw a turtle. Which one, he didn't know. He wore no mask._

_"_Mikey," Orange heard behind him.

Orange frowned, _what turtle spoke? _Perplexed and worried, he stepped forward, curious. "Who you?"

The turtle smiled, which made Mikey more nervous, and then two more turtles came into view. Frowning and stepping back, he wondered if this was a trick. Or a test. He glanced at all of them, trying to figure out what turtle is who.

"Mikey, this is not a test, we are just trying to see how much you remember. When you can tell me what turtle am I, we will put our colours on….can you tell me what turtle am I?" the turtle said calmly.

Orange shook his head back and forth frantically, his heart beating with fear. _This reminded him of Shredder, of him taunting him, asking which turtle was he, and he couldn't answer. The wrong answer caused pain. _

"We are going to give you a hint. I am the turtle that fixes things." one turtle said with a small smile.

Orange recalled that one of his brothers used to fix things all the time.

_Picking up the action figure and sticking his tongue out at his brother in red, he walked over to his purple brother Don. "Donnie, Raphie broke my toy again, can you fix him?"_

_Don's gentle smile shone, "Of course Mikey, I will help." and took the action figure and promptly fixed it, handing it back over. _

Orange recalled that memory vividly, that was Orange and Purple. Frowning, he glanced back at Father, who was holding the bandana's in his hands. Walking over, hw pulled Purple free from all three colours. He wore Orange's bandana, every day he would put it on. Walking over to the turtle with the gentle smile, he handed it to him.

The turtle beamed, and Mikey waited for the hit he used to received, but there was nothing. Uncertain, he turned to the other turtles. One was big and full of muscles and the other lean, but held a serious aura. He pointed at the one with muscles, and waited.

_The one with muscles grinned….or was it a smirk? Orange couldn't tell_. "I'm the one with the accent!" he said gruffly.

Orange gave a small smile, trying to remember_….it was red, right? By the way, why did Red only talk different?_ A memory came to him.

* * *

"_Why does Raph talk different sensei? Why don't we talk like that?" a little turtle with orange around his eyes asked father. _

"_Raphael speaks like those who he watches. That is why he has a accent." Father replied. _

"_I wanna talk like Raph! He's so cool!" the orange one said excitably_

* * *

Orange shivered from the memory, remembering the orange child. He reached out and grabbed the last two bandana's, handing one to the turtle with the muscles. The turtle gave a real smile, one that was rare.

He turned to the last turtle, still holding the blue bandana, trying to recall a memory, and handed it over. Then all of a sudden, a memory took hold,

_

* * *

_

Blue angry, so angry, training, mocking them, fighting with sensei, yelling that he already learned all this, anger, tension, Father ducking but not enough, cut, hurt, Blue dropping swords, anger gone, horror there

* * *

Orange backed away, anger, terror, pain, confused, he shook. "Hurt father?" he asked quietly, confused.

Leo reached out and touched his arm, and Orange reacted with fear and terror engulfing him. He flinched and pushed Leo hard away from him. Leo looked shocked and all of them tensed up. Orange felt anger inside building, Father come touch his arm, and Orange react, pushing father back, and feeling another hand land on his.

He saw it was Red. Feeling trapped and the terror inside, he bent low, doing a low kicking sweep, Red falling down, he jumped up, feeling panicked, scared.

* * *

"_I'm sorry father!" Blue said, his eyes filled with fear and horror, Father on the ground, touching a cloth to the bleeding wound. _

_All of them, standing there, shock on their faces. _

* * *

Orange stood there breathing hard, tense, unsure, afraid, "You hurt father?"

Leo opened his arms in a calming gesture, a small frown on his face, "Mikey, its not what you think!"

Orange jumped back, fear inside, he glanced around afraid.

Then another memory came,

_

* * *

_

Blue standing in front of him, a smile on his face, bringing them to a new home, helping him walk, a cat beside them, telling him everything is going to be alright. Calming the fear inside, protecting them, leg hurts, Blue helps him walk. He wonders what colour he was till he glimpse the orange band. He was orange.

* * *

"I was lost? You find me?" Orange asked suddenly confused and unsure of his memories, two memories. One full of anger, the other gentle concerned.

Blue put his bandana on, "Its okay Mikey, you did awesome. What your remembering are your memories. We just triggered them," he said, reaching out to touch me on my arm.

Startled and scared, Orange flinched back, starting to breathe fast.

_

* * *

_

Memories came back, but they weren't his. He wasn't this Mikey that he remembered. Father was hurt, Guy dressed in black held him down, saw, loud, Blue stabbed, Red was injured, Purple…purple was a monster!

* * *

Backing away, he calmed himself down, pushing the memories away, out of him, "I sorry." he whispered sadly. "I sorry, Please, don't hurt me, Please, I do better, I make good, I fight, I be good boy, Please, don't hurt me!! Please!" he said starting to cry with fear, on his knees, begging for forgiveness.

Blue stood in front of him, smiling, "Its is okay Mikey, you're trying, and your remembering. Those are things we need to remember."

Orange shook his head, puzzled. He sighed, listening. _Blue told him to follow, it was time for him to have a check up. Following behind the turtles, _he sighed. _He was confused and a little scared, but he obeyed. Blue was his master after all. _

_Orange followed and was told to sit down. He sat on the bed he usually sat on when the Healers looked him over. One women came forward. Orange flinch away, unsure, was that a test? He didn't like that test, he was wrong bad. _Orange was told to lie down, he needed to be examined. Most of his injuries had healed and he was okay physically, but his mind was another thing.

Feeling trapped and scared, he glanced around to make sure Blue was in the room.

Looking around frantically as the Healer touched his healing wounds, he was alone.

_No one was there, Blue was gone, father was gone. He was alone._

_Blue lied_, his mind screamed out loud, _Blue lied. He say they would be there, that he wouldn't be alone ever. Blue lied. Feeling the anger and betrayal build up_, he growled at the Healer over him. The healer frowned, scared and backed up.

Orange jumped up, grabbing a knife on the nearby bed, usually used to cut away stitches. He was scared, alone, _Blue was gone. Where did Blue go? _

Glancing around frantically, he heard loud voices yelling and screaming around him, he panicked. Ripping the orange cloth from around his eyes away, he growled at the two guards in front of him. They approached, and he growled.

His eyes turned wild and angry. _He could fight. He was nothing. He was no one. No one could take him. Blue was gone, Blue had lied, Father had lied. They had left him alone with the Healers_.

Growling, he jumped toward the guards, and fought and snarled, and growled, his animal instincts to fight or flight kicked in. He would not let any touch him.

Then all of a sudden, Blue was there, yelling at him to stand still, to stop. But he refused to listen to Blue. Blue was wrong, Blue lied. Blue said he would not be alone with healers, Blue said he would always be there, but Blue lied.

_

* * *

_

Blue had to leave, he was packed, told to leave for 3 months, talk with the Ancient One. Gone. He was gone and left them alone. Loud, crashes, ninja's attacking, Shredder!! Shredder's daughter! NO!

* * *

He fought, growling, lost in his memories, remembering when everything was wrong, he was alone. He screamed out, "You lie!" and felt arms, holding him down, he struggled, twisting, turning, remembering, and growled.

He felt a small pinch on his arm, and immediately felt the world darken, and he recalled the last time he felt that pinch, _was when Stockman held him down, and threatened to take his tongue….and he woke up….bleeding….and he struggled from all the memories coming……………………darkness……….._


	16. Chapter 16

He struggled to wake up, his mind confused and muddled. He remembered before, when he felt like this all the time….when he was with Shredder….when he drank water….the food….he cringed. He could hear voices talking around him, and he tensed his body up.

Feeling a hand on him, he flinched, a small cry leaving his throat, and tensed up even more. _One voice was louder, and he couldn't figure out what they were saying. He felt thick, confused. His thoughts were straying all over the place. Different and confused. _

_Stop touching me_, his mind screamed when another hand touched his arm. Drawing in a deep breathe, ignoring the voices near him, he struggled off the bed he was on…._no bed. Bed meant T'Yuin. That was the only time he was given a bed, was when T'Yuin had him._

Hitting the floor, his eyes open and blurred, he struggled toward the wall, gasping. _No, he had bed with colours. They tell him sleep on bed. But he was alone. He not hurt, he could sleep there….unless he bad…he sleep on floor. They not say he bad, but when he felt he bad, he sleep on floor. _

_People all around him, colours, brown with red, white with blue, blue and green, red and green, and purple and green. All around him. Voices loud and over powering him, he cried out, trying to makes sense. Trying to remember. _

_Blue lied! Blue left, blue leave him alone. Blue hurt father. Purple was monster, Red…red so angry. So hurt….what…thought they family….stop….stop talking…._

"Stop! NO TALK!" he cried out, the voices too much, his mind couldn't process them do to the drug in his system.

_Silence_. He breathed deeply, feeling trapped, hurt. Cringing when he heard whispers around him, he opened his eyes, staring at those around him. _It was the ones who lied to him. Told them he would be safe. But he wasn't. They drugged him. Drugged him like Shredder._ Blue came forward, sitting nearby and he flinched.

"Mikey, Please, I'm sorry!" Blue said.

He frowned, _Why did he call him Mikey. He wasn't this Mikey. He wasn't Orange. He wasn't anything. _

He reached up, feeling a cloth around his eyes, and looking at the colour, he paled, "Why you make me Orange?" he whispered.

Blue frowned, "I thought you said the drug wouldn't harm him?"

His eyes widen with realization, "You drug me!! Why? I thought trust you!! You hurt father! You hurt me! Get away from me! No, don't touch me!!" he said, pressing himself against the wall.

Blue sat back, a deep frown on his face, "Geez, Mikey, look, you need to remember more to what your remembering."

Orange's eyes widen, puzzled and confused.

Blue sighed, rubbing his face, "You need to remember more Mikey….look…when I hurt father, it was because I was so angry inside….I had failed to protect those I loved. I had promised myself that none of you will be harmed because of me. I had failed at that." Blue explained quietly, "Yes, I hurt father. I was so hurt and angry, I lashed out. I made a mistake."

He blinked_. Blue can make mistakes? Why? Not right_. Orange shook his head, "No, my fault!" he said_, wanting to take the blame. Not wanting to see the pain and guilt in Bl_ue.

But Blue's eyes hardened. "No Michelangelo, if I make mistakes, I will take it. Not you. Look Mikey, I know we promised never to leave you alone, but it was one lapse, can you forgive us?"

Orange frowned, he was startled. _Why would they ask for his forgiveness. They are right, he was wrong. Wasn't he? He was the one who was bad. He hurt. He yell. He attack. They were nice and he got mad._ "No, no forgive. You not need forgive….I ain't nothing. You not need me forgive. I understand. I be good pet, I forgive if you want. I listen now? You still want me?"

Blue's eyes filled with tears, and Orange reached out, wanting to wipe them away. He wanted to reached out and have a hug, but he couldn't go that far. Blue gave a smile, "Michelangelo, you did good."

* * *

_Orange was fighting, getting tired. Purple guy was holding him up, everything hurt so much. Purple guy laughed, and said, "Soon it will be over, first for you, then for your pathetic family.'_

_Orange was angry inside, remembering what Blue said earlier, "In this life, we only have each other, if one of us goes down, we all go down, so focus."_

_Orange felt anger, no one hurts family, no one hurts His colours. Jumping up, he fought. Focussed, determined, angry but steady. He fought. He won….later…when it all quiet…he walk up to Blue….Blue standing alone….anger still there….but warmth…."Leo, I just wanted to say thanks."_

_And Blue touch Orange on shoulder, a small smile on his face, his eyes full of warmth, "You did good Mikey, you did good."_

* * *

Orange panted, scared, but confused. "Why?" he whispered, he was about to ask.

Blue heard that. It was the first time Mikey had wanted to ask a question. Leo moved a little closer. He spoke. "Why what Mikey?"

Orange held his tongue, feeling strange. His feelings were all confused, his emotions showing clear on his face. He shivered, remembering the big purple guy. "Mikey, Please, tell me."

Orange sighed, "Why you say I did good?"

Leo frowned, hearing the question, trying to remember when he had said that. And smiled when he remembered. It was the last time they came to the Battle Nexus. "You did good because you fought Mikey. You fought and won your fight. I am happy that you focussed then. You did good Mikey. You really did."

Orange frowned, feeling happy at those words, "But I not Mikey. I not Michelangelo. I orange. Orange in head. Orange laugh. Orange bad. Orange no good. I not understand."

Leo sighed. He had no words.

Don spoke, he was right beside Raph and Splinter, sitting a few feet away, not wanting to crowd him. "Mikey, what you are remembering, the images in your head….those are your memories. Before you became….nothing….you were Mikey. You were Michelangelo. That was who you were."

Orange frowned, tears filling his eyes, scared and haunted, "But he be bad. He take your toys, he breaks things. He no listen to father. He no listen to Leo. He eat too much. He bad. He stupid. He wrong. Why you want who I be?"

Raph said, "Because you can't run from who you really are Mikey. The one who is inside, is trying to show that he is there. He may be silly, he may be mischievous, but we love him. And we love you. Even now, how you are, we love you. Nothing will change that."

Orange wished so much he could say he love them. His mind was screaming to say it. But he couldn't. He couldn't voice it. He nodded. He trembled when Blue touched his arm, "I promise Mike. You won't be alone anymore. I promise. I won't forget this time. Okay?"

Orange frowned, wanting so much to believe. Seeing his eyes, full of love, full of determination. He nodded. Blue held out his hand, waiting. Orange frowned, wondering what he wanted. Then he saw Red help Purple up, and realized that was what Blue wanted to do.

Hesitant and unsure, he reached out, mimicking Purple, he allowed himself to be pulled up.

Following behind, feeling a little bit thick still, he wondered about the flashes he had….and wanted to know what they meant….but remembering a angry red and a monster purple, he wasn't sure he wanted this Mikey's memories….


	17. Chapter 17

Orange watched them carefully over the next few days, curious but wary. He knew things were different now. His trust was shaky and he didn't fully trust them. Usagi visited and talked with him, like he was someone. He ate when given a plate, but was admonished when he used his hands. He tried hard not to have attention drawn to him, but they always watched.

Sometimes he didn't mind it, but when he was asleep, it started making him feel panicky. He didn't know why, but it felt creepy. Sighing, he continued to obey.

But things were changing. He was not hurt. He was healthy, still skinny but they were teaching him to spar. They said it was like play fighting. He didn't need to, but they wanted him to exercise.

They showed him fighting a huge purple guy called Kluh, and he paled at seeing him. He shook and was terrified and hid under his bed.

One night, he thought about how they were trying to change him from being nothing, into Mikey. He didn't want that. Mikey was nothing. He was pet. He allowed himself to be touched, to be hurt, to be pet. He relented and begged and cried. He was weak.

He kept his thoughts to himself, scared to say anything to his owners. Especially Blue.

Sure, they asked how he was but he never answered. They asked if he wanted more food, but he knew better than to ask. To beg. He was still orange, still this Mikey, but he knew the punishments of asking for things.

But he wanted to go. He wanted to leave the memories behind. He wanted nothing more to do with being Orange.

* * *

One day, as he woke up, he stared for a long time at the Orange mask. He no longer wanted to wear it. He no longer wanted to be Orange and relent to these owners. He wanted to fight. He may be punished but he couldn't do it anymore.

Picking up the Orange cloth, he carried it to a fire, and dropped it in. Smiling in glee, he was happy to be free. Moving toward the kitchen, where he knew they would give him food, he stood there waiting. He didn't know they had orders not to give him food unless he asked for it. He stood there, waiting, wanting, and a little fearful.

The cooks walked around him, like he wasn't there, and it puzzled him. When he was with Blue, Purple, or Red, no one would ignore him. When father was there, they scrambled to get father and his brothers food. What was going on that was so different?

Father and Blue entered the kitchen, having being called in, and pulled Mikey aside. "Where is your mask child?"

He smiled at that, 'Child', he remembered that word. Being called that when he was younger. He cocked his head, and pointed to a fire. Father's eyes widen, and he asked, "You threw it into the fire? Why?"

He smiled again, and answered honestly, "I do not want to be Orange no more."

He said it so simply. He waited for angry words and harsh tones, but was surprised when father smiled, "Then you wish to be Michelangelo?"

He shook his head again, no, he did not want to be Michelangelo. He just wanted to be him. No one. "I wish to be no one. I do not deserve name or title. I do not wish to be your Michelangelo. He is gone. He will not come back. I wish to just be me. No one else. Me."

Father's eyes turned sad, and Blue looked sadder. "But…what should we call you?"

He smiled, a name that was drawn to him since he started to think more clearly, something he heard when he was younger. Something he had wanted to name his children when he was younger, when he thought he could bare children. When he believe in it.

Kamau. It meant Silent Warrior. He was silent always. He was bred as a warrior. They could and should not brag about their victories. But they did. But now. Even after shown he was a warrior, shown that he was well known throughout the galaxy as a champion. Winning. He felt odd, detached.

"You may call me anything you wish. I do not decide that….you are my masters now. I cannot do things like that." He said politely. He saw the cringe, and wondered why. They were his masters.

Blue waved him over to sit down. He sat. Blue and father sat before him, and Blue had a serious face on. That meant he needed to pay strict attention. It was important.

Blue spoke, "We are not your masters Michelangelo. We are your family. I am your brother. This is your father. We do not own you. We do not command you. You have free will. You are free. You may do what ever you wish. You do not have to ask our permission for anything. If you wish to eat, just say the word. If you wish to play, by all means, play. If you wish to go and stay in your room, you are welcomed to do that as well. It is your decision. It is your life now. No one controls you no more."

He paused, eyes wide, confused. "You do not want me?" he asked, his voice breaking slightly, afraid, panicked, what would he do on his own? How could he make decisions on his own?

"We want you to be our brother, to be father's son. We do not want you to be our slave, our pet. You are free." Leo explained, trying to get through.

He stared at them, not believing they would be freeing him just like that. _He was a pet, a slave, he was nothing. How could they just let him go like that? It didn't make any sense. He couldn't talk to them then, he couldn't speak to them right then. He…he had to go and think….he needed to be alone. He could think when he was alone._

Getting up, he stood there for a minute, trying to process what they said. _He was free. Free to go anywhere? Free to do anything? Free to just go away?_ He looked at them, seeing their concern on their faces, he ignored it, and turned and ran.

He ignored their calls, their yells after him. He ignored them following him, chasing after him. He ignored their demands to stop. He didn't have to listen to them anymore. He could just be free. He ran, as fast as his legs took him.

* * *

Running, running, breathing hard, hurts, lungs, ribs, hurt, pain inside. Gasping, trying to breathe in air, trying to catch breathe. He had run so far. No one was behind him, he was on his own. He had run toward the mountains. He had run into the forest. He wondered if he would get punished for running away. But he needed to think. He needed to be clear.

_If he was free, does that mean he could stay there, or did he have to return to the lair. The lair, that was my home…right? When I was small? I need remember…or I'm going to go crazy. Why can I not remember?_

_They are brothers? Father? Why can't I remember them?_

He sat down at a base of a tree, looking around him. He had found a little paradise. No one around, a small lake near him. It was beautiful. He felt safe, content. He felt alive. He watched the lake, the small waterfall, and thought back. He concentrated on before. Before the evil man, before T'Yuin, before everything….who was he??

_Laughing loud and hard, he looked at Red, whose arms were played out on the ground, a growl in his throat. Red growled, and started to chase him. Run fast Orange, run, get away, he thought as he watched the memory. Then Red caught him…and started to tickle, laughter, loud, giggles, free, full of life. Red grinned as he tickled, enjoying the laughter. Red was happy, Orange was happy, they were a family._

He sighed, remembering Michelangelo's memory. He hated feeling set apart. But he wanted to remember everything, He wanted to know who this Michelangelo was. He wanted to be strong once more. They had shown his match with Kluh and couldn't believe that Orange was so strong. _Could he be strong once again? Could he embrace being Orange?_ He thought long about it, and shuddered when he thought abut putting on the Orange clothe. No, He could not wear that colour no more.

_Maybe a new colour? Maybe something to show he was made anew? Something that showed him how he was now! What colour could he be?_

He thought of all the different colours, and wondered what one he should set upon. Then he heard a twig snap behind him. He froze, fear enveloping him. He shook but who ever it was, would not hurt him! Slowly, he got up, and glanced behind the tree. He saw a big guy. His skin blue, light blue, and a scowl on his face. He gulped, "Well, well, well, the little prince turtle is free from its palace."

He frowned, confused, "I not know you? What you want?" he demanded.

The man chuckled, "Well, I want you. You are the precious Prince they kept locked up. The Daimyo will pay great money to get you back. Why did you run little prince?"

He glared, feeling anger at being a victim, being someone's toy, being used. "You will not have me!"

The man laughed and stepped into the light, showing his dark blue skin, his golden hair. He was similar to a Dog faced person, tall and full of muscles. "I shall have you little Prince. You belong to me now!" he said, as two warriors advanced on him from behind.

He glanced around, knowing that Orange would fight first, and if lost, submit. But he did not want to submit. He wanted to fight. It was his life. He was free according to Blue. He growled, softly at first, barely heard.

But he was so angry, his body shook with unrepressed rage, and when a hand was laid on his arm, he moved. Faster than thought possible, he moved. Smacking the hand away from his arm, he launched himself at the warrior who touched him, biting, scratching, growling and snapping at him. He punched, kicked, blocked and fought determined not to lose.

The warrior spat at him, growling on his own, trying to bite him, but he blocked each one. The other warrior who was wanting to fight, jumped into the fray, trying to pin the turtle.

But this turtle was angry and mad, he slipped into Raph and Leo mode, knowledge came to him, he remembered how to hurt, how to hurt badly. Slipping his hand behind one warrior's back, he jabbed hard, hitting the nerve hard, tearing it, hearing the dog-man scream in pain as his legs gave out and he fell to the ground.

The other warrior paused and checked on his friend, and pulled out his sword. He growled, remembering Raph's rage, his anger and passion, and growled. The man thrust his sword toward him, and he dodged, leaping out of the way, remembering Michelangelo doing the same thing. Dodging, laughing.

He pulled up his memories of Michelangelo, flashes of his life before showed him moves and knowledge he had about running, dodging, teasing and taunting. He grinned, seeing the warrior was getting tired. He dodged again, and slapped the dog faced man behind his head, laughing as he did this several times.

He grinned again, when the man bellowed in rage, and jumped toward him. He took a step to the side, dodging it, and kicking him hard as he flew by. He smiled. The man was down.

He turned toward the dog faced man who led the attack and saw a net suddenly coming toward him. He tried to dodge out of the way, rolling fast, but the net cought hold of him. He gasped, trying to scramble out of the way, wishing he had a knife when suddenly, a bright crackling light seem to envelop him, the sound hissing and vibrating inside him as he screamed in pain. Screamed and twisted and writhed under the net, as electricity coursed through him, a smell of burnt flesh was the last thing he remembered before the darkness claimed him.

* * *

**_Well, I was told to have action, you got action. LOL. And I'm starting a new poll. One that will deterimine Mikey's new mask. What colour should it be?_**

**_Yellow? _**Yellow means joy and happiness,

**_White? _**represents openness and truth, purity, innocence, softness

**_Teal? _**friendliness, dependability, freshness, non-threatening, safe, secure, healthy, strong, expensive, and primitive.  
****

**_Black? _**is seen as a restful emptiness into which anything may emerge and disappear once again. It is also mysterious, providing a sense of potential and possibility.

**_Brown? _**a feeling of solidity, and allows one to stay in the background, unnoticed.

**_Ivory? _**quiet, pleasant, understated elegance

**_You decide. Go to my Author page and it will be posted there for you to vote. Its all up to you. If you don't wish to use the polls, you may review and post your decision there, but I'm urging you to use the polls, (its my first time using them) LOL. _**

**_Thanks fans, and keep reading!!_**


	18. Chapter 18

Everything was sore, and there was a strange humming around him. He wondered what happened? He was cold. Shivering, he tried to recall what happened.

_Its so cold and dark….where am I? Am I being punished? Is it because I ran off? Where am I? _

He blinked, it was dark, he was alone. He was in a cold room, hard floors. Dirt in corner. He frowned, and then jumped when he heard a light growl in the corner. Glancing over, he blanched at the man standing there.

"Who you?" he asked.

"I am your Master now!" the man said smiling.

Orange glared at him, he belong to no one! Blue said so. Blue said he was Free! "I not slave no more. I free!"

The man chuckled. "You mean to tell me that is what your family has told you?"

He was confused, frowning, "Explain, now!" he demanded.

The man came into the light, walking over, and smiling when he flinched. "I mean, your precious family let me buy you. I gave them 1000 Galilees for you. In your Earth terms, I paid almost 10,250 dollars. They said you would obey."

He frowned, his heart almost stopping in shock, he shook. He was afraid, unsure. "NO!" he said stubbornly, "I am free. Blue said so! Blue not sell me, he love me!!" he said, suddenly scared that it was all a lie. That they had betrayed him.

The man smiled, "I am your Master now. You will call me Master or My Lord. Do you understand?"

He shook, and stood up quickly, suddenly realizing there was a chain around his throat, tightened by barbs on the inside, and dug into his skin, letting small drops plop down his neck. All of this, everything, it scared him. "Why this here!?" he demanded.

The man chuckled, "I believe that all animals must be leashed.."

He could feel the anger building up. The burning hatred of all. He just wanted to be left alone. That was all. Alone. He just wanted to be free.

Freezing, he recalled the last time he was captured.

_

* * *

_

Running hard, fast, across the rooftops, needing to get away. Laughter and hurt filled up inside him. He was crying. His brothers made fun of him, ridiculed him. Made him feel worthless. And know he ran, because he needed to get away from all that.

_Running, jumping over the next roof, feeling free when he jumped, he felt something sharp pierce his left leg, and he fell upon landing. Grasping his leg and wincing in pain, he looked and saw it was Shruiken. Looking up, he saw a bunch of Foot Ninja emerging from the shadows. _

_Remembering what his brothers said, their teasing remarks and hurtful words, he stood up, putting little weight on his injured leg. He pulled out his Nunchuks, and slowly built up speed twirling them. They surrounded him, and he felt some panic. He was terrified, afraid, and wondered if he would see his family again. _

_Then one ninja attacked and Mikey reacted. He fought. And fought. And fought some more. No matter how many he took down, be it 2, 5 or ten. about 20 more would appear. Then it was the Elite guards, then the Shadow Elite. Then Shredder's Elite. Then Shredder himself. He fought so hard, gasping in pain, confusion, fear and anger. They attacked him, outnumbered him probably by 200 to one. And no matter how tired he was getting, they kept coming. He started to run, trying to get away, to break away and hide. This must be how it was for Leo...man, I didn't know it was so hard...need...to tell him...he was proud..._

_But now he was fighting Shredder, and gasped in pain as one metalled fist came toward him, slamming into his plastron. Mikey felt the pain explode inside as a few of his ribs snapped. He groaned, but got back up anyway. _

_Shredder smiled, mocking him, "Well little turtle, it looks like you will be my guest for quite awhile."_

_Mikey said, gasping in pain, "No…No way…in Hell….Sh…Shredder!" as he stood, wobbling in pain, every part of his body twinging in pain. _

_Shredder smiled, "I think you shall….after all, you cannot defeat a needle!"_

_Mikey glanced around, hearing a whistling sound going through the air, and a dart imbedded in his arm. He gasped, feeling a wave of dizziness enveloping him, the colours around him blurred together, his stomach felt like he was about to puke. He felt himself falling, his nunchuks making a thunking sound on the cold cement roof top. He fell to his knees, trying to fight, his last thought, "Where were his brothers?"_

_and the darkness enveloped him!_

* * *

Orange glared, his eyes snapping opening, hatred burning through him.

Pain. Hurt. Confusion. Anger.

He glared, he had enough of this. The man stepped closer, figuring that he would not try to attack him, so chained. Stepping a little too close, Orange glared. He pulled himself free from the thoughts of who he was, he gathered his courage, his strength, and attacked.

Savagely, he broke the man's wrist, then his knee. He growled "Key, where?" he demanded as he pulled out a knife from the man's robes. He placed it next to his neck, pushing hard enough to draw some blood.

The man sputtered and gasped, struggling, "I am not alone. My guards are outside!"

Orange wished desperately to have a mask but he realized he could be anyone he wanted to be like this.

He could choose how to act!

He was a good fighter.

He had defeated many ninja's before.

He could break free.

Jumping past the man who injured and captured him, he growled angrily. The man shrank back, and Orange spoke, "You think I animal. Animals kill to protect self…Orange don't care, orange no care if kill, he bad, he can kill you…!" and with the knife in hand, he stabbed the man hard in his stomach, hearing his voice cry out in pain.

Pulling the key out of his captor's robes, he quickly undid the chain attached to his throat collar. He tried inserting the key to take it off but it didn't work. It wasn't the correct one to take off the collar. Growling, he wished desperately to get it off, he felt trapped.

A part of him knew he should not, but another part of him was telling him that he should. He was confused and angry and hurt. The man screamed in pain, and Orange growled. He knew he did not stab to kill, if he did, he would have stabbed higher up, where the heart was. Or in the throat. But he wanted to injure. This man, this alien had taken him from his sanctuary, had mocked him, had caged him up like he was an animal.

Pulling the knife out, he realized he still had skill with the knives. Skill he learned when he was Shredder's pet. Shuddering, he dropped the knife in revulsion. But then the door to his cell opened, and Orange quickly grabbed the knife back up, he needed a weapon. He needed to fight.

Trembling but gathering his courage, he took a deep breathe and attacked. The world blurred and he fought in this red haze, blood splattering all over him, yells, screams of pain, blending all together, and before he knew it, he was running outside the fortress, into the forest.

He trembled, his body shaking. _He was free…..but he had killed. He felt so bad inside. He was a murderer. He had killed to get free, but he took a life. God, what if they have family? What if they not go home to kids? Oh God, I took that! I took that away…_

Trembling some more, he continued to run, run as fast as he could. He ran into the forest, hearing voices yelling for him, and he couldn't look back. He had to defend himself. He ran hard, fast.

A part of him grateful Blue made him run with him. He wouldn't have been able to do anything. But Blue was gone, and red, and purple. Even Father. They did not come. They did not save him. He saved himself.. He was supposed to be protected! But he wasn't.

_What should he do now? Where were his brothers? His father? Did they not want him? Would they be mad he killed?_

He shuddered, dropping the knife and starting to cry, he killed to get away, to be free. Blue….no….Leonardo said he was free. He fought for his freedom. He wanted to just be left alone. He didn't want to be in danger. Shivering and in shock, he continued to walk.

_Orange…orange was gone, Michelangelo was gone, he was Mikey. He could be that, but he had no one. No one was helping him, looking after him. _

Orange climbed up a tree, wanting to remain hidden, he climbed up high, wanting to hide. He shook, he was scared, terrified, and not even sure he was in the Battle Nexus anymore. He wanted to return. He liked it there. People running around, kids playing, and he was surrounded by family. But they weren't there.

He shook as his body slowly calmed down from the adrenaline. It was growing dark and he shook again, flashes of things coming to him, making him scared. The world seemed to darken as he remembered bits and pieces….

* * *

"_Raphie, Raphie, there's mo'sters in my room, can I sleep with you?" a little turtle crying said to the bigger turtle. _

_The turtle rolled over, grumbling, and asked grumpily, "Why don'cha go to Leo, Mikey?"_

_The smaller turtle shook his head quickly, and said sadly, "Leo protects, but he don't see mo'sters like we do…Please Raphie…. You won't let 'em touch me….you're my hero!"_

_The bigger turtle gave a rare smile and said, "Okay Mikey, but tomorrow, we're gonna work on this!"_

_The Little turtle quickly jumped onto the bed, and snuggled with the turtle, "Mo'sters disappear when I'm with you." and he fell asleep, content with a smile on his face. _

* * *

Orange smiled at the memory of contentment and safety that was radiating from the smaller turtle. _That's me….I know that's me. That's who I used to Be. That was who he was as a child…I went to Raph for protection…._

Another memory soon came,

* * *

"_Mikey, I know you know this, why can't you do it?" a impatient Leo was saying, demonstrating the moves again. Splinter had told him to coach Mikey in his training, but he was getting frustrated._

_The smaller turtle glared at Leo, "I know these moves Leo, you don't hav'ta act like your better than me, I ain't stupid."_

_Leo glared, "I must have to, you obviously don't know how to do it if sensei tells me to train you."_

_The small turtle rolled his eyes, his orange band standing out with his blue eyes, and the executed the moves perfectly, all in a row. Leo stood there, shocked and asked, "If you know how, then why don't you show sensei?"_

_The turtle grinned, "Leo, if I showed Splinter that I can do it, he'd wouldn't make you train me. That's why…."_

_Leo was puzzled, and frowned, "But why do you want me to train you?"_

_The turtle smiled, "Because I want to spend time with you bro! We never spend time together, you never teach me nuthin no more. I wanna have fun with you….and its always good to have people underestimate you rather than know your every move…"_

_Leo smiled, but still had an uncertain frown on his face, "Is that how you really feel? You really want to spend time with me? Even though Splinter named me leader?"_

_He grinned, his blue eyes sparkled, "Leo, I love you, for everything you do. Yes, Raph protects me, Don fixes me up, but you Leo, you make sure we're watched, we learn, that we do our best. I don't care if your leader, or even if you become a Ninja Master, as long as you love me for me, than I'll always stand by you."_

_Leo's eyes were wide with shock. Mikey sounder profound, and then realized he didn't know his brother that well, and came to a decision, "Mikey, instead of me teaching you, how about you teach me?"_

_The smaller turtle grinned, "Really? What can I teach you?"_

_Leo smiled happily, "You can teach me gymnastics. None of us are as agile as you are, and you can show me some of your patented Mikey's moves."_

_The smaller turtle smiled, and suddenly launched himself at Leo, "Thank you Leo!!"_

_Leo engulfed the smaller turtle in a hug, and whispered in his ears, "No, thank you Mikey, because I forgot who you were now."_

* * *

Orange frowned, tears falling down his cheeks. He was cold, and the sky was getting dark. But that last memory made him wish for something, a bond he had with his brother Leo, that was there but was gone.

They didn't know. Blue didn't know.

_No, I am not Orange no more. Orange relented. I Mikey. Mikey…. Mikey is strong. His is loyal. Compassionate. Young. He is nice. I want that. Orange not be like that. Orange weak, petty, bad! _

Orange shook his head pounding, these memories made him quake and more confused. He was remembering things he didn't understand. He wasn't around his family, his brothers, _Blue, Red and Purple! What about Purple? Why I not remember him?_

Purple….purple called Donatello…

* * *

"_Mikey! Com'n, I just need you to help me carry some things with me! Please?" a clear strong voice called out. _

"_But dude, I was just going to look for some part for my skateboard, it busted last week." a younger sounding voice called out before a smaller turtle showed through the door, holding a broken skateboard in his arms. _

_Donatello smiled softly, "Why didn't you tell me it was broken? I could have fixed it for you."_

"_No way dude, I didn't want you to fix it! I want to fix it, I mean, I gotta learn right? You don't always have to fix things." the orange banded turtle said smiling. _

_Donnie frowned, "But I like fixing things for you. Its what I do…."_

_Mikey smiled, and put his board down, "Its not all you do Donnie. You do a lot. When I'm hurt, you put a bandage on my knee or hands. When I'm sick, you're looking at ways to make me feel better. When the lights are out, you make sure you're right beside me with a light to make the darkness go away. Don, you don't only fix things. You're the glue, the brain and the one who makes us see more than what's in front of us."_

_Don looked speechless at what his little brother said, and finally stammered out, "But… but Mikey, its you who is all that. You make things so much easier. You are annoying, I give you that, but you're so much more. Yeah, we protect you, we look out for you, but you're our light, the thing that makes us want to dream. You make us see who we are and who we can become."_

_Mikey smiled, his blue eyes sparkling, "I know that Donnie, I know I do something for you, my spirit will always be there, and I know I ain't too smart, and I don't take life seriously, but everything is one way, and I think the other. I know all that. I don't expect you to change. Just all of you be there when I need you and things will be fine."_

_Don nodded and gave Mikey a quick hug, and then said, "So you still wanna come with me to the junk yard? Please, we'll look for all the things you need to fix your skateboard first!"_

_Mikey smiled, "Sure bro, I'll go… just remember, I get bored fast!"_

_Don laughed as they left the lair together._

* * *

'They like a dad to me…they all act like they love me….all of them!? Why? Why do they like that with me? I'm so confused, everything is a blur. Why? I'm not right for them? I'm a loser. I'm like bad, dirty, I let people hurt me, I let myself get captured. I'm supposed to be their light! Why? Why did I go out? Why did I get captured? Why did I give in?'

'They are looking for me? Right? Its so dark….I'm cold….I wanna go home….I wanna be warm….can I go home yet? I wanna go home? Are they looking for me? Are they wanting me? I wanna go home…..I wanna….I wanna be safe….Please….tell me they are looking for me…..that they want me….that they won't leave me all alone…. Am I Mikey?…Can I be him again? Do I have to stay Orange?…'

'I'm cold, I'm tired, I wanna go home, its raining and I'm alone….and its getting dark….where is my light??'

Mikey shivered as he climbed down from the tree, walking to the tree he spotter earlier, and crawled in the large hole inside, shivering from the wind and cold, he fell into an exhausted sleep, his thoughts on his family.

'I wanna go home….I wanna be safe again….' as he drifted away….


	19. Chapter 19

Yay!! I updated. Writers Block is a pin in the Ass, I couldn't come up with anything. So I hope you all like it. I even have the next chapter planned, just need to write it. so give me time, I will update again soon!

PS, Im trying my best to update all my stories, but I was in a accident so I'm getting slow. And yes, I will update Foster child by this weekend or early next week. lol, I'd appreciate more reviews on that one lol, but oh well, I know many people like it!

Pss-who;s liking the new season of TMNT-Back to the sewers??

I like it but I wish there was more Mikey in it, and more injuriesevil grin like how many people would hvae liked to see what would happen if the Shredder managed to get Mikey in that episode. LOl.

Side note: I am taking down my Round Robin story, thanks to purplecat41877 for entering. I like her chapter, it was very well written! I loved it.

I'm sorry I'm pulling the story but without much interest, I feel its for the best. I will however put a new story up by the end of the month based on the new series. Okay??

Peace

* * *

The next morning, he woke up, groaning, his whole body ached. He whimpered when he felt the various aches and pains all over. He hoped today he would be able to find a way home.

Mikey winced as he crawled out, and stood up. He saw a nearby little creek and limped toward it. Drinking the water, he heard a rustle on noise in a bush. Heart quickening, he dashed over to the tree he hid in the night before. He felt the fear build up again, and he stayed quiet.

Then he heard them, his family, coming for him, looking for him. "Mikey!" he heard them yell.

Mikey hesitated, wondering briefly if they would be mad. He had run away, and they probably thought he run away for good. _Would they be angry? Would they punish? Would they hurt?_

_Thoughts of being smacked, Raph with a pipe heading toward his head, Leo with so much anger, Donnie a monster, flashed through his head. He tried not to think about those. He couldn't! It made him afraid, scared._

Splinter, _father, telling him he should apply himself, telling him he would be great, but he wasn't. Disappointment._

_Pain, hurt, scared and confused, trying to make sense of these images that keep coming to him. It hurt,_ his head felt like it was being split in two. He remained silent, not sure.

Unsure.

Then a bright flash of light appeared nearby, "Did you find him yet Leonardo-san?" a young male voice said.

_That was Master Usagi! He beat me! He defeat me._

"No my old friend. I am worried. Mikey ran away. He did not want to be free. He's so messed up Usagi. It makes me wonder if we will get the old Mikey back at all! Its just so unfair, he was better than, then being a mindless drone now." Leo said, grief, guilt and worry in his voice.

"Leonardo san, not many would be destroyed so well, and come out the same. It is a miracle that he has survived and is still alive. Frankly, I thought that once you said he was free, he would kill himself." Usagi said.

"Why would you say that Usagi!? He is my brother, that is a horrible thought!" Leo said angrily.

Usagi sighed, "I did not mean to be rude or make you angry. But he has been to Hell and not many people can overcome that, especially as one as young as Michelangelo-san. He is wounded spiritually as well. Donatello told me he has been raped, beaten, tortured. Donatello has read the doctor's reports that this world had provided, and he was horrified. He suffers from nightmares from that."

Leonardo sounded shocked, his voice choked up, their voices faded away as they walked away from him, "Then….then we will never get our Michelangelo back."

Mikey felt his heart beat very fast. _He breathing going all funny. It was like he couldn't take in any air. He wondered what was wrong._ He heard Usagi's voice grow sharp and he scuttled back in fear, eyes wide. _What was wrong with him!_ His name Michelangelo was called.

Mikey couldn't breathe, he gasped, anxiety building up, little spots were appearing in front of him. He felt hands touch his shoulders and he trembled.

Opening his eyes, he saw Leonardo's warm brown eyes on him, looking very concerned. "Look, Mikey, I want you to take a deep breathe, com'n, work with me, your hyperventilating, com'n," Leo said calmly.

Usagi soft voice spoke in the background as Mikey concentrated on Leo's voice, breathing when told.

"Michelangelo has been beaten and injured. He has a collar on his neck. Raphael Please go and get medical help. Donatello, help me with constructing a stretcher of some sort. Okay?" Usagi said.

Mikey listened, feeling himself calming down, nodding his head to Leo. "I okay. I okay. I sorry, I sorry I ran," Mikey said still scared of being punished. Leo shook his head, a small smile on his face, "No Mikey, I understand why you did. We aren't mad at you. Okay, I promise. We want you to come home with us. Think your up for that?"

Mikey nodded eagerly, feeling relieved hearing Leo's words._ He was going home! Home with his family_. "Okay Leo!" he said slowly, making sure he used Blue's name properly. Leo smiled, and his hand moved close to his neck.

Mikey winced, flinching away. "Mikey, where-how did …what happened to you?" Leo asked quietly. He waved Purple close, "Donnie, look at this," Leo said quietly.

Don had moved closer, and knelt nearby. "Mikey, is it okay to look at this?"

Mikey nodded, a frown on his face, he as a little scared and unsure. He wasn't sure if he wanted Purple to be so close,_ No Mikey, he named Donatello, call him by name_, Mikey cringed in contrite.

Don gently placed his hands on the collar around Michelangelo's throat. Mikey let out a small cry when Don tried to turn it slightly. Don stopped immediately. "Are there small barbs inside this one too Mikey?"

_Too? What do you mean Too? _Mikey thought in confusion. _I never had this before? Did I? _Mikey didn't respond, he tried to pinpoint the memory of a collar around his throat. He couldn't remember. His head started to hurt, flashes of pain exploded inside and he gasped. His neck burning in sudden pain.

"Sorry Mikey, did I hurt you?" Don asked quietly, his voice calm and soft.

Mikey ignored the barbs of pain in his neck, ignored the gentle feel of blood started to seep down his neck. "I okay. Go now?" he asked hopefully. He didn't want purple or blue to worry about the pain in his neck.

Don frowned, spotting small blood droplets slowly sliding down Mikey's neck. "Leo, there are barbs inside and it looks like its digging into Mikey's neck, if we try to take it off now, it would probably cut up his neck. I think we should wait until the doctors come."

Leo nodded and saw Mikey's confused eyes. He was looking pale and his body shivered with tremors. "Mikey, what happened?"

Mikey shrugged and then turned his wrist over, showing a burn of some sort. He had noticed it there when he escaped, seeing it was some kind of symbol. "Attacked." he said simply to Blue.

Then the world flashed white, and Mikey hears the Daimyo's voice and Splinters. "Father?" he whispered, feeling ashamed he had run away.

Father had come forward, and said simply, "My son!" and gave Michelangelo a hug. Mikey suddenly didn't want to leave the arms of Splinter. He recalled many times as a child, he would be cuddled in these warm fuzzy arms. He shivered, remembering the awful man.

"Man said I was his Father, said I belong to him. I not want to, I want belong you. Please father, don't make me leave!" he said, starting to sob. He was exhausted, his body growing tired and relaxed in Splinter's arms. He soon passed out, his body relaxing.

Raphael and Usagi helped place Michelangelo gently on the stretcher Usagi and Raphael had built. Strapping Mikey in to make sure he didn't fall. The Daimyo transported them back to the Healers pavilion.

The Healer's gathered around and Michelangelo's Healer, Sarila, shook her head sadly at the sight of her patient Michelangelo. Her eyes assessed his condition and she spoke quietly, "Only one of you may stay, pick one." and immediately started helping with helping Michelangelo.

They argued for a few moments before they finally suggested that Donatello should stay since he would be able to tell them immediately what the doctors were saying.

They sat outside to wait on news of their brother, who had been missing for 3 days….they waited talking amongst themselves.


	20. Chapter 20

Hey Everyone, as you can see, I put up two CHAPTERS! Yay me! LOL. Anyway, thanks for all your patience. And let me know you want mroe, so drop a review if you can. I appreicaiate it. I enjoyed writing this So i hope you all like it!!!

I am trying to update, just got a writer's block again. If anyone has a cure LET ME KNOW!!!!

Thankies and enjoy!!!!

* * *

_Mikey was in the dark, relaxing, his world was quiet, and he was drifting. He wondered briefly where he was and what had happened._

_Images past through his mind, things coming into clear focus while others were trapped further away. He frowned, it was quiet here. He wasn't scared or happy or anything. He was numb. But he couldn't feel any pain and that was good. He didn't want to feel any pain. Closing his eyes, he dived deeper into the darkness._

_

* * *

_1 week past by:

Mikey was starting to wake up. His brothers were seeing him suddenly moan or cry out but he hadn't woke up completely for sure. It looked like he was debating while unconscious because he would start showing signs he was awake and then suddenly fade back into the darkness.

Don heard Raph asked Sarila,. "Why won't he wake up? He shoulda woke up by now!!"

Sarila replied calmly, "He is trying to awake but when he starts getting close, I think he feels pain and I believe that the pain keeps driving him back into the darkness. Somewhere safe."

Raph frowned, "Well, why can't you give him some medicine when he starts showing signs of wakin' up, so he don't feel any pain?"

Sarila frowned, surprised about the idea. She had never considered that. Looking at Donatello she asked, "Has Michelangelo every reacted bad to stimulants and pain medication?"

Don frowned at the word stimulants. "Mikey can't have a stimulant usually. He suffers from a disorder called ADHD, Attention Deficit / Hyperactive Disorder. His mind often works too fast and even faster when he has something that gives him too much energy. He will be more out of focus."

Sarila gave a soft smile, "How was he when you gave him something to keep him awake?"

Don shook his head, "I didn't give him a stimulant. Agent Bishop did. We saw the after affects."

"Who is this Agent Bishop?" Sarila asked, frowning.

They looked at each other, frowning. Splinter spoke, "When my sons were a bit younger, just 16, they were all captured by an Agent Bishop. He is an evil man, most ruthless. He concentrated mostly on my youngest son."

Sarila shook her head sadly, "Your world is a most dangerous one to have such enemies."

They nodded. "I can give him a light dose of pain killers. That will numb the pain when he starts to wake up." Sarila said.

They smiled, nodding. That would work.

* * *

The next night Mikey cried out. Don was in the other room, grabbing some coffee when he heard the cry. Putting his cup down, he immediately called over a healer to get Sarila and flagged down another person and told them to wake his family.

Running into the room, Mikey was whimpering on the bed, his eyes tightly closed, "Mikey?" Don whispered.

Suddenly, Sarila was there, a needle in her arm, her Healers Gown flowing beside her. She quickly injected the pain killers and stepped back. Don saw his family enter the room.

"He's waking up." Don said excitably.

"About time," Raph muttered tiredly.

They sat around him, and saw his body relax and his eyes struggle to open.

Mikey opened his eyes for a minute a frown on his face, trying to focus.

_He heard his name, Oranges name._

"Mikey?"

_Mikey? I'm not Mikey, I'm orange? What's going on? Where am I? What happened? Why do I hurt? I was with Blue…Blue wanted to talk to me? What…I was captured, hurt, free, what this where am I?_ Mikey's eyes darted over to the people in the room and he inched back, and frowned, he didn't feel any pain.

"Blue?" he whispered hoarsely, "Father? Red? Purple?" he asked, hoping his family was there.

"We're here Mikey!" Mikey heard Blue's voice said. Then the light around them slowly got brighter, he could see them now.

"Happen?" he asked confused. He slowly pushed himself up, feeling tired.

Father came toward him and Mikey flinched when his arm was touched gently. "My son," father said, ignoring the flinch, "You are now safe. Your family is here."

Mikey's frown deepened. "Lost father. Bad man. He want keep me. He say you sell me to him! Is true?"

Raph's angry reply, "Shit no Mikey. We wouldn't never sell you!"

Mikey cringed at the angry voice, tears in his eyes, "I sorry, sorry," he said, curling back, scared and unsure.

Raph's anger deflated, "No Mike. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have reacted so angry. Please forgive me."

Mikey became even more confused, and his eyes darted around frantically, "No, not your fault. Mine. No sorry for you. Me!" he said.

Red looked mixed up, ranging from angry to sad in seconds. Mikey cocked his head to the side, "Why Red so sad? So angry?" he asked curiously. He yawned.

"Because you were injured my son. He feels he was not able to protect you. We all feel this way." Splinter said to him.

Mikey yawned again, and started to lay back down, "Orange okay now. With you. Orange be hurt. Is alright." he whispered, sleep taking him away.

Don frowned, looking at Sarila, "He is referring to us as Blue, Red and Purple again Sarila. He is referring himself as Orange again. What happened?"

Sarila waved them over to the side of the room and spoke gently, "He reverted a bit. It will be a bit easier this time around. Just do the same as before. Don't show anger. It frightens him. Also, be patient, take the time to point things out that he did before. Correct him on name usage every few days. Not right away, it might make him more scared. Just be patient. All is not lost. He's healing."

They nodded.

*****************

_It had been 2 weeks since Mikey woke up_, Raph thought, _and the progress is still slow. He has made some progress but lately, he is so unsure. _

_Just the other day, he panicked over something so small and not even a problem for them, but it still startled him. Why him? Why his little brother?_

_Raph missed that light and sparkle that was in his little brothers eyes before. He always had so much fun, so much light inside that was like bursting free. But now, that light looks unsure. _

_I got him a toy the other day, a small little thing. It was a spin top. It flashed different colours. Mikey was fascinated by how it spun. He had a huge smile on his face for hours. It reminded them about the old Mikey. _

Walking over to door, he peeked in. He saw Mikey sitting on the floor, playing with the top again. He as smiling, and small laughter escaped his lips. Raph grinned, _Maybe it is doable then. Maybe a part of Mikey will come back. _

Raph walked over to where Leo and Don were sitting. They were watching Mikey out of the corner of their eyes. "His injuries are healing nicely, aren't they?" Raph asked, noting the small barbs that were in his neck had faded, and the bruises were gone. He as healed and was slowly coming back to them to the way he was before his captivity.

"You guys wanna go to the marketplace?" Raph asked curiously. They hadn't gone there together for awhile.

"What about Mikey?" Leo asked, thinking of Mikey first.

"Splinter will watch him. I already asked if we can go." Raph said grinning. "There is some neat stuff there. Mikey's getting better."

Don shrugged, "I guess we can go." Don mused, "There are some items I want to pick it up."

Leo sighed, "Sure, I want to check out what kind of history they have here as well."

Caught up in conversation, they didn't notice Mikey was looking at them.

_They leaving? Market? I know that! Buy stuff. I go? No, they talk, they go. I stay behind….I want go. Want see…_ Mikey spoke quietly, "I go to?"

Splinter froze, his eyes snapping open. _He had heard Michelangelo ask to go. He smiled. His son was asking for something!_

"Leonardo!" he called. Leo looked up at Splinter, hearing his voice over their conversation. "Yes Sensei?" he asked.

Splinter stood up, using his cane and walked over, "Michelangelo wishes to go with you as well. Can you take him as well?"

Leo looked shocked. He looked over at where Mikey sat and saw his earnest face. "Of course he can come!!!" he almost yelled.

Mikey's face lit up and he smiled brilliantly.

Raph and Don heard Leo say that and was confused. "What's going on?" Don finally asked.

Leo jumped up and walked over to where Mikey sat, "Mikey, you really want to come with us?"

Mikey frowned, and then nodded, "Yes Please??" he asked hopefully.

Don and Raph gasped hearing that. They smiled at each other, excited. "Let's go, lets go!" they said but when Leo grabbed Mikey's arm, intending to pull him up, which startled Mikey and he cringed away.

Leo blushed. Splinter spoke, "My sons, I know you are excited but take this outing slow. Let him go at his own pace. He is new to this. If he gets overwhelmed, go somewhere silent so he can calm. Go and have fun my sons," he said, smiling gently at Michelangelo.

Mikey stood there a little confused and he smiled when his brothers smiled at him. He wondered what he did to make them so happy.


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21

_Its so big, so noisy! How people know what people want? They not talk like me. Well some not. They talk different. _Mikey thought as they walked through the marketplace.

Then Blue stopped and spoke to an old friend, in different words and Mikey stepped back, confused.

Don saw Mikey step back, a confused look on his face. "What's wrong Mikey?"

Mikey rubbed his arm nervously, eyeing Blue. "Blue not talk right!" he said, a little agitated.

Don smiled, "He just speaks a different language Mikey. That's all. Leo knows a few different languages."

"What Language?" Mikey asked, wanting to know why he spoke different words.

Raph smiled, "Language is how we talk. It's the words we speak. Some words are different for other places. So they talk different."

Mikey nodded, looking around, seeing so many strangers were making him nervous. Then he saw a small booth with little toys there. He glanced back at his brothers, wanting to see if they can go over there, but it looked like they were talking to another person. Someone who was huge and orange with horns on his face and a scar over his eyes. He caught the name, 'Traximus'.

_He wanted to go to the booth. It looked so interesting_. Frowning, he opened his mouth but then shut it quickly again. _I cant ask them. NO, not right. I not need anything. I not want anything. Bad. Bad don't nothing. But I can look_.

Mikey inched away, wanting to look at the booth.

Finally, he took a deep breathe and quickly walked the few feet to the booth, looking at everything in awe. _There were small dolls, ornaments, pictures and jewels. It all looked beautiful. And fun. Bright colours and such._ The guy standing there was watching him carefully, as Mikey touched the small items. _And then he saw a small doll, and wanted it so much._

"Hey don't touch!" the man suddenly barked at him. Mikey jumped, dropping the doll back to the table. He frowned, wondering what he did wrong. "You gonna buy anything kid?"

Mikey looked up, the guy looked angry or annoyed and Mikey gulped. He stepped back, a little flustered. "Well kid, you want it or not? Its 10 Duobe."

Mikey saw him approach him and his heart beat faster and he looked around frantically for his brothers. But he couldn't see them. The panic started to build up, as he looked around. "Kid, you alright?"

Mikey shook his head, looking around, the Marketplace seem to have more people around now. He couldn't see his brothers. He started to breathe heavily, and the tears were prickling his eyes. But he tried to stay calm.

"Kid, are you alright? Can you talk?" the man said in a softer voice.

"Lost!" Mikey gasped out.

"Your lost? What does your family look like?" the man said calmly. _He saw this turtle was young and something was wrong with him._

"Me, Blue, Red, Purple!" Mikey said, his fear growing.

"What's your name kid?" the man said softly, "My name is Cii."

Mikey felt Cii's hand grab his hand gently, pushing him over to the booth. Mikey couldn't feel any darkness or evil from him. But he was hesitant. "Kid, what's your name?"

"Orange." Mikey said, confused. He was starting to shake in fear. He was alone, lost, his family was no where to be found.

"Okay, Orange, come, sit here. I'll make sure you won't get more lost. Okay. I'll ask around if anyone saw your family. Okay?" Cii said calmly. "Here, why don't you hold this?" handing over the small stuffed animal.

It was Orange and white with Green eyes, "Cat." Mikey said smiling. He sat down, clutching the cat to him.

Cii smiled at the obviously young turtle. He thought the turtle was older but he acted very much like a child, he reminded him of some children he seen in his travels. Children who have been kidnapped and hurt and returned. Seeing the scars adjourning the young turtles body, he could see that it might be the case.

Then he heard many frantic voices, calling out for 'Mikey'. He could hear the fear and concerned in those voices. "MIKEY!" he heard again, a little closer. He wondered if Mikey was this turtle. But the turtle said his name was Orange?

Cii said, "I will be right there." he said to Orange, "You can see me, I think I hear your family."

Orange nodded, curling into the stuffed toy to his chest. A tear running down his cheek. Cii walked over to the corner where it was more restaurants places. He grabbed the arm of one of the turtles, the one in red, who growled at him, "Lemme go! My bro is missing."

Cii sighed, "He looks like you I suppose?"

Raph nodded, stopping.

"He is at my booth. He was lost. He can see me. Come," Cii said, pulling him around the corner.

Raph caught sight of Mikey sitting on a chair at a booth. He smiled in relief, running toward him, Mikey saw him, a bright smile on his face as he ran toward Red.

_Red! Oh Red, I was lost, and couldn't find you and I was alone! Alone!_ Mikey thought, "Red!" he cried out as Red's arms wrapped around him, holding him secure.

Cii approached them, smiling at the reunion. "He is okay. He got scared, that's all."

"Mikey, God, Mikey, I thought I lost you forever bro!" Raph said, a few tears fell down his cheeks.

Mikey looked up, confused, "Red, why cry?"

"Because I was scared. Mikey. I was terrified." Raph replied.

Mikey wondered why but he shoved those questions aside. He just stayed in Red's arms, "I sorry, I want see booth. And then you gone."

Raph chuckled weakly, shaking his head at Mikey. _Of course something caught his eyes, and drew him away. Even old Mikey was like that, just walked away_. "It's okay, it's okay. Lets go find the guys."

Mikey nodded, standing up. Red held his hand out to him, and Mikey grasped it tightly. Raph turned to Cii. "Thank you so much! You must have dinner with us. Please."

Cii waved his hand, "No, it is alright. I saw he needed help and I did it for that."

Raph shook his head, "No, Please, join us for dinner in 2 nights. Come to the Daimyos' house. It is where we are staying. I expect you to around late afternoon."

Cii was shocked to hear these strange terrapins were from the Daimyo's palace! These were very powerful people. It would be an honour. "I shall come. See you later Mikey." he said gently to the young turtle.

Mikey held out the cat, "Here, thank you." he said politely.

"No, you keep that. So you can remember me. Please?" Cii said gently, knowing it was the only way the young turtle would take a gift.

"Keep it Mikey. Its rude not to," Raph whispered.

Mikey clutched the cat to him, smiling. "Thank you."

Cii nodded and waved as they left.

Raph held Mikey's hand tightly and found his brothers still searching the restaurants for Mikey. "DON! LEO! FOUND HIM!" he yelled out over the crowd.

Suddenly. Leo and Don appeared in front of them. Relief on their faces.

"Where?" "Where was he?" came the two brothers frantic voices.

Raph sighed, "He got lost when we were with Traximus. I found him over by the booths. A nice man named Cii found him and kept him calm. And found me. He showed me where Mikey was." he explained. Mikey watched their faces, they were afraid and frightened.

He frowned, "Why scared?" he asked, and his hands moved to Blue's face and touched gently, "I not anything. If gone, be better, right?" he asked confused. _He knew he was a burden on his family. Needing to be watched and taken care of. He often thought it would be better if he wasn't there._

Blue's face changed, fierce determination covered his face, "No Mikey! We need you. You are a part of us. One day, you will remember all of us. You will become more."

Mikey stepped back, confused, "But I no good. I bad. I spoiled. I no good."

Blue closed his eyes, tiredly, lost in thought. Sighing, "Come Michelangelo, let us go back to the Daimyos."

Mikey frowned, "Blue?" he called, a little uncertain. But he knew he had to ask.

"Yes Mikey?" Blue said, turning.

"You mad at me?" he asked, his voice wavering. _He didn't want Blue mad at him. Blue was owner. Mikey didn't want Blue to give him away again. That scared him._

"No Michelangelo. I am not mad at you." Blue said.

Mikey frowned, sensing he had lied. _He only called him Michelangelo when it was serious or he was angry. Blue was lying!_ Mikey frowned but followed.

* * *

At the Daimyo's, Mikey ran ahead and showed Father the small cat he had gotten. "Father, look. Cii give me this. He nice. I got lost. Scared. But Cii say. Stay, he would find blue and red and purple. He found Red, and then I;m with them, and I'm good but Cii gaved this to me!" he said excitably.

Splinter looked taken aback. Michelangelo had never spoken that much before. "I take it that excursion went well."

Mikey looked up from his kitty, walking over to his other toy and sat down. He started playing with both toys and was having fun. He heard Blue talk to Splinter but ignored it.

Mikey smiled, he was tired. Then the Daimyo walked in and Mikey cried out, and ran back behind Splinter. Splinter frowned and sighed. Michelangelo had not been able to get over his fear of the Daimyo and he could not figure out why his son was scared of him.

"I am sorry Splinter-san to come in unannounced around your youngest, but we have had demands of the public to meet the Battle Nexus Champion. It has been leaked he is here. I thought you would like to know." the Daimyo said gently.

Mikey trembled behind the Daimyo, scared as he peeked from behind his father. Splinter sighed, "We shall deal with that later Daimyo/ My son is in need of a nap. I shall meet you in the Councils halls. My sons, let us go. Leonardo, explain to the others the rules."

Leo nodded and Splinter took an almost sobbing Mikey away from where the Daimyo stood.

Splinter walked Michelangelo to the room they were staying. "My son, what frightens you of the Daimyo?"

Mikey shrugged. He was not sure. He was scared. Every time he saw him, he would be scared.

"Lay down, sleep, I shall check on you. Stay here. Your brothers and I will be at the councils meeting. DO not leave here." Splinter said sternly. "Sleep, I will be back soon."

Mikey nodded. He was feeling secure enough to stay on his own for an hour and a bit. As long as it was when he was sleeping and when he would wake up, someone would be there. They had proved that, many times.

Someone was always there when he awoke. Closing his eyes after a long stressful day, he fell asleep quickly.

* * *

There you have it! Chapter 21 is done! LOL, leave a review, More to Come!!!! Going to work on Hunted and Stalked next!!!!


	22. Chapter 22

_Please thank Simone Robison for telling to put out some chapters for his trip so he can read some. This is just one chapter. I will be updating Foster Child, Christmas Wishes, Mikey's Journey, and was thinking of putting up another chapter of Hunted and Stalked...hehehe, let me know how badly anyone wants Hunted! LOL. _

_Happy New Year Everyone!!!! 2009 BABY!_

_And Simone, have fun on your trip and hopes this helps!_

* * *

His dreams were out of focus, things came toward him, blurred, colours, black, purple, blue, things would switch on him, turning into monsters. He scream and try and run, but he couldn't move, he was stuck in darkness, surrounded by colours, he whimpered….

_Monsters…._

_Where Raphie??? Where Raphie……Raphie take the monsters away…_

_Where am I?_

_What's going on? I was here? Before…._

_Things are getting ….where….where is Blue…no Leo…_

_I want to go home….I want to be …_

_I was…me….once….what happened to me…._

_Things are so bad…..its so dark here…..I wanna go home….but _

_The monsters won't go away, why won't they go away? Why do I hurt? _

_I just want to wake up! _

* * *

Mikey shot up in bed, crying out, it was dark where he was.

'Where is father, father, I need you!' he wanted to cry out, but he held in that cry. _He can't. He can't, Father would get angry. Wake up father bad._

But it dark all around._ Where father? He say be here when wake up_! He whimpered.

Its all dark around. Mikey curled up, dragging the blanket with him, and crawled under the bed.

_Why he alone? Father say he come back, stay here. Not leave. Stay. Be good._

Mikey glanced around the darkened room, wincing.

His head hurt, he wanted to cry. Where was Blue? Red? Purple? Where was father?

They left him in room, he was alone….

Suddenly, Mikey felt something seem to explode in his head

_**PAIN, THROBBING IN HIS HEAD....**_

Mikey cried out once, then silenced as he closed his eyes, images came to him, _**words, voices, darkness, images flashed through his brain, his eyes snapped open and glazed over as the images over took him…….a flashback….**_

_

* * *

_

Blackness, voices outside the door, the door opening loudly, screeching.

"_He's in here, Shredder had a blast today, broke his legs, he's defenceless. We can have some fun…." a male voice said. _

_Mikey glanced up, a few days into his captivity. He hoped his family would come soon. Shredder was being so weird lately. I don't understand what he is doing. Why different masks? Why do I feel fuzzy? Who are they?_

_Mikey felt hands grab him, yanking him off the cot he was on, he cried out as arm pulled him to the floor. He struggled as he heard them talk filth, words he would never say. _

_He felt their hands hit him, hard! He heard young voices, young, like him, excited. Then he felt hands start to touch on him, explore. _

_He panicked, crying out, lashing with his arms, begging not to touched, to be examined, to be hurt down there. His legs were wrenched apart and he screamed in agony, being driven to the darkness, he could feel pain, panting, excited voices, flashes of light, people laughing…._

_Where are they….why wont they save him??? Why haven't my brothers come to save him…._

_Mikey wanted to pass out, to stop feeling the burning pain running through his body, but he was crying, tears fell down his cheeks…._

_No….he would not remember….it didn't happen….not this….his brothers….his brothers would save him…..this didn't happen…._

_It did not happen!_

_Blackness_

* * *

Mikey shivered at the memories, frowning,' **That didn't happen. That wasn't me. That was Mikey!**'

**Mikey….**

**NONONONONONONO**

**NO.**

**NOT MIKEY!!**

**I WON'T BE MIKEY**

**NONONONONO**

**That didn't happen…**

**They save me!**

**Just not in time for that…**

**Flashes….**

**Pictures….camera….video…**

**NONONONONONONONONO**

Mikey's breathing increased rapidly, panicking, shaking violently. That didn't happen. Mikey let out a bloodcurdling scream as another flashback took hold of him….violently….

He fell to the ground…….body shaking….sweating….eyes glazed…..

**************************

They heard an unearthly scream come from their quarters. They could hear it. It was pure terror, and it was coming from Mikey…..

They ran

Hearts beating wildly as they ran into the room where Mikey slept.

And they almost fainted as they saw Mikey.

On the ground, screaming, pure terror on his face, tears running down his face, his breathing going to fast, gasping, like he couldn't breath but he was screaming so loud.

"DON, WHAT"S HAPPENING?" Raph and Leo screamed as they ran toward Mikey. Splinter ran to get Sarila. Don grabbed some water, trying to help Mikey.

He saw the signs.

He could see that Mikey was not really there with them.

Mikey wasn't responding or reacting to their voices. His eyes were glazed, his body was covered with a layer of sweat, his body quivered and shook.

He knew what was wrong. Facts came to him. He remembered when they first rescued Mikey. When Sarila had found the LSD in Mikey's body. He remembered the facts, his own flashed back to when he explained about it_; _

_A flashback occurs suddenly, often without warning, and may occur within a few days or more than a year after LSD use…_

_An auditory or visual clue can bring back a passing memory of an earlier experience. _

_A flashback can harm the person depending on what they are remembering when they had the LSD in their systems. It can cause panic attacks, breathing problems, cause the person who is having the flashback to cause harm to others or self…._

Don looked up,_** the facts coming to him within seconds of seeing Mikey on the ground, remembering the torture of being with Shredder, flashbacking to when he was being hurt badly**_, he looked up, wishing what he was seeing what wasn't going on, wishing to god he wasn't seeing it.

"Donnie!!!" Leo cried desperately, trying to calm Mikey. "What's going on?"

Don whispered, horror on his face, "He's having a flashback…"


	23. Chapter 23

"How the Hell, I thought he wouldn't get a flashback?" Raph said bewildered.

Don knelt down beside Mikey's shaking body, eyes wet, "Raph, I told you this was a possibility. When we first found him, he was still suffering from the after affects of the LSD."

Leo's voice was soft as he knelt down, eyes wide with worry and fear, "What do we do Donnie? How do we help him?"

Don took charge, "Okay, stay calm. Speak in a calm voice, One voice at a time. Raph, go and talk to him a soft voice, tell him he's safe, that nothing can hurt him. Don't touch him. A flashback can make things harder, he's more sensitive light, touch and smell could affect him in good or negative ways," Don said, trying to draw up everything he learned from when he first fond out Mikey received LSD and the possibilities were there.

"Leo, me and you need to calm the room down, not to dark, leave a few lights on. You know calming environments, we need to make this a calm and not busy environment." Don said, grabbing a light blanket and pillow and handing them to Raph. Raph took them still talking softly.

"Its okay Mikey. We're okay. Your safe. I know your scared, and your frightened, but your doing alright, breathe nice and slow, your doing good Mike, your doing good," Raph said calmly, heart beating frantically as he watched his brother being lost in his head.

"He's remembering what happened while he was imprisoned. What he endured while on LSD, but it could be different. Sometimes a flashback could be even worse, because you could hallucinate more so. We need to be careful to not trigger it." Don said, trying to explain as he helped Leo move pictures and cover elaborate blankets with intricate designs.

"Worse? How? God, where is Sarila?" Leo said frantic, filling a bowl with water and grabbing a clothe.

* * *

_It was dark in the room. Mikey could almost feel the air, wavy. It hurt to breathe. Like the air was hurting him. What happened with him?? Where is father? Leo? Don? Raph? Why aren't they with him? I want to go home?_

_What's that? The shadows are moving? IT smells so strong here? Can smell iron everywhere? _

_Whimpers? Vibrates? Hurts?_

_What's that?_

_LEO! Leo, you came! He thought fuzzily, groaning as he say up, feeling like he was going to cry. _

"_Leo, where?" Mikey rasped tiredly. He gave a small smile, as he struggled to sit up. _

"_You've been bad Mikey!" Leo said, his eyes strangely glittering. _

_Mikey frowned. It had only been a week since he was capture, and he was sore, everything hurt. Shredder had let a bunch of ninjas in to beat him. He hadn't seen the Shredder yet. And Mikey knew his family would rescue him. _

"_You've been a bad bad turtle," Leo whispered, kneeling nearby. _

_Mikey opened his mouth but suddenly, Leo was on top of him, beating him, hurting him, despite his cries for him to stop!_

_

* * *

_Mikey could hear a soft voice, low, calm, could feel the tension all around, he whimpered, something was wrong. His head hurt.

Who was talking in the dark? That voice felt odd, secure, but lost.

He whimpered again, and felt a cold cloth touch his forehead and cried out as another memory drove deep into his mind.

_Water splashed all over him, causing him to cough, harsh, he heard laughter. He whimpered, opening his eyes, wiping the water away. He cried out. Something just hit him. _

_Everything was blurred and then a light came on, and he cried out, the light hurt! He scrambled back, his legs throbbed as he moved back. _

"_Well??" he heard his voice, the one he must obey. The one who hurt him. Made him lose. _

"_Do you know who you are?" the voice asked through the fog in his head. _

_He was lost, he tried to think, thought hard, lost, confused. He couldn't organize his head. _

_Something struck him hard across the face, making him cry out in pain. He looked up, he was standing there, so big, tall. Holding a purple cloth in one hand, the red in another. He glanced between them, trying to remember who he was. Was he purple? Was he red? Who was he?_

"_Did you figure it out yet turtle? Or shall I take it away!" the voice said. _

"_NO! Please!" he cried out, lurching forward, hesitating, trying to remember, who was he? Who was he?_

_Red?_

_Purple??_

"_You don't even know who you are! You are pathetic! Worthless! You don even deserve to be given a name! Pathetic piece of trash!" the voice said, driving his voice inside his mind, making his thoughts coursed through. _

_He grabbed for a cloth, any, he didn't care. He would be whoever the clothe was. He would be what ever the clothe said. He knew the colours. They from long ago. A life ago. When he was good. When he wasn't bad. _

"_Oh, I don't think so turtle, you got to beg me! You have got to beg to be someone!" the voice demanded. _

_He shivered. Beg? Give in?_

_A kick to the stomach, a blow to the head. A whispered voice beside his ear, the hot breathe making him shiver, "Beg me…" the voice demanded, soft, silky, strong. _

"_Please," he whispered, the lights hurting his eyes, heart beating, he gasped as another blow to his plastron caused something to snap and sear in his chest. _

"_Please, Please, I be anyone, any colour, Please!" he begged, tears fell down his cheeks, he cried, he gave in. _

_He felt dirty, awful. _

_The voice purred as he felt the body get close, "…good…but you will, always, be NOTHING!!" and the voice disappeared, the lights faded, leaving him in darkness, his body burning in pain, his mind whirring…._

'_Who am I?'_

_

* * *

_He blinked, his body shook. He could hear a soft voice, female. He could hear Red's soft voice, talking, telling him he was doing good, that he was okay, he was safe.

_He shivered. He was never safe._

_He was bad._

_He gave in._

_He begged._

_Why didn't he remember that? When he was Mikey, he gave up. Became nothing._

"Sorry," he whispered, his throat throbbed, ached. He felt a hand touch his arm, and he tensed up, expecting pain.

No pain came.

Soft words, someone was talking. He tried to focus, his body ached, his throat throbbed. He almost cried out when a hand helped lift him up. But he held back. He whimpered.

Something was different. He was not hurt, he ached but he was not hurt. There was a soft light around him. A woman approached him and he tensed, a frown on his face as he tried to recall. Recall where he was.

Who he was.

"Mikey? Are you okay? What are you feeling?" the woman asked quietly, her voice was soft.

He frowned, _'Mikey? Who? Mikey is me?_' he started to shake his head, closing his eyes, trying to remember.

_'NO, He was Orange! He belonged to Blue. Blue told him name was Mikey. Father say it to. He was Mikey, but not. He was Orange.'_

"Blue?" he whispered, eyes wide, looking around, "Father?"

"We're right here Mikey. Are you okay?" Blue's voice came out.

He nodded, he was okay. Really. He wasn't hurt. Throat hurt. "Tired. Scared. Bad. I bad. Blue say I'm bad. Bad orange." he said, confused and disorientated. He didn't know what he remembered during the flashback could be good or bad, or untrue or real.

* * *

"He's is remembering his flashback memory. It was something bad, obviously. Keep him calm, reassure him. He is scared." Sarila said softly. She handed over two small yellow pills, "Get him to take this, it is a calming agent. He needs to sleep. Tomorrow, we shall talk with him about his memories, but right now, he needs to rest."

"Are you sure this is the best way? He remembers being drugged when he was with our enemy." Don was careful not to mention Shredder's name anywhere near Mikey.

"He has healed immensely but with what happened today, earlier, and waking up alone, and these flashbacks being triggered, he needs to rest. And be reassured. Someone must stay with him. It is very important that someone stays with him at ALL times. Not even for a minute should he be alone." Sarila said sternly.

Don nodded, worried, "Okay. We shall see you come morning."

Sarila nodded and soon left.

Don approached Leo and explained what they should do next. Mikey's eyes looked haunted, scared and confused. Don hated seeing Mikey like this. It hurt. A lot.

* * *

Raph stepped back, watching silently as Don approached with Splinter, talking softly with Mikey. His eyes filled with tears as he watched Mikey act like a child, a broken child. The room felt like it was getting smaller, and it hurt to breathe.

"He's strong Raph, he'll get better," came Leo's soft voice.

Raph shook, trembled, as he watched his father smile and whisper something to Mikey. "It's not supposed to be like this," Raph said, his voice breaking as he took a shaky breathe.

The room felt like it was closing in on him, and then Mikey started to cry, and he couldn't take it anymore, he turned and ran. He could hear Leo running after him, but he couldn't watch his little brother when he cried.

_Not Mikey._

_It shouldn't have been Mikey._

Raph ran.

Leo ran behind him.

Raph fell to his knees a far way off, collapsing in the hall of Champions, where a statue of Mikey stood, proud, tall, and was truly Mikey before.

Raph burst into tears. He felt Leo's hands wrap around him, holding him tight, not saying a word and let him cry. Raph finally let it all out. He had Leo to gain his strength. He cried.

"It's not fair Leo. It's not!" Raph sobbed.

Leo nodded, "I know Raph, I know."

"We spent our whole damn lives, always trying to protect him! He's the baby! And he's broken! How the Hell are we gunna fix him?" Raph ranted.

Leo sighed, "I don't know Raph." He eased up his grip, allowing Raph some space.

Raph sat back, looking at Mikey's statue, feeling bitter, angry and sad. "Look at that," he whispered at Leo, and Leo turned to the statue, a small smile gracing his lips when he saw it.

"That's how Mikey should be. Free, laughter, obnoxious. Happy. He should be out there, laughing and having fun," Raph whispered, his voice shaking as he tried to organize his thoughts.

"Mikey was meant for so much you know. His talent at drawin, my little bro, he was awesome at drawin." Raph whispered, "You eva' see his drawin'?"

Leo shook his head sadly, that wasn't something Mikey liked sharing with him, "No, unfortunately not."

Raph grinned, "He showed me. They are awesome. So lifelike. He saw true beauty even tho' we were hunted. He saw past all the darkness and could bring color to his work."

Leo sighed, "I wish I had the chance to see them Raph. They sound wonderful." He was worried Raph might be trying to distract him from his breakdown.

"Mikey always hadda smile on his face, somethin' would make him smile. He knew who he was, and wuz okay wit' it. And that wuz the difference you know." Raph said, sitting back.

"What do you mean Raph? What difference?" Leo asked curiously.

Raph shook his head, a small smirk on his face, "The reason why Mikey has such an effect on us. He showed us life didn't have to be black and white. He showed us the good, what we took for granted. Like Donnie said, Mikey happy was a lot betta' then Mikey bored. And it was true. Mikey bored made him cranky, irritable, to have his mind stationary was to hard. It kept going. But letting Mikey just have fun, it was easier for him to remain innocent."

Leo couldn't believe how insightful Raph was. It was a side he had never seen before. Then Raph's eyes turned cold, black, furious, "ITS NOT FAIR!" he suddenly screamed. Leo walked up to him and saw how much pain Raph was feeling.

"I'M GUNNA KILL THAT SONOFABITCH! ITS NOT FAIR, ITS NOT RIGHT! WHY MIKEY! WHY TAKE MIKEY! WHY HIM, ITS NOT FAIR!!!"

Raph screamed out in the silence of the room, his words echoing silently as he finally collapsed in Leo's arm.

"Shhh, it will get better Raph, I promise. It will get better…" Leo murmured in Raph's ear, holding him tightly, giving support to Raph's shaking form. He hated seeing his family in such turmoil, such pain and confusion. IT hurt.

"He's the baby Leo, we tried so hard to protect him," Raph gasped through his cries, "We failed him Leo, we failed him."

That struck a cord in Leo's heart, painfully aware of it. He frowned, trying to control his emotions, but those words slipped inside and charged against his pained heart, "I know," Leo whispered, tears falling down his face, "I know…"


	24. Chapter 24

Leo brought Raph back to where Mikey was. He sat Raph down and sighed. Raph's eyes were red, and he looked exhausted. It scared him. Raph was never this tired and he would never break down like that in front of him before. It startled him.

Leo sat across from him, waiting. He was patient.

Soon, Raph spoke quietly. "He used to come to me to chase the monsters away. You know that? I used to tell him I would always protect him from the monsters. But I couldn't. Not this time. This time, I can't keep the monster away."

Leo sighed, shaking his head sadly, "I know Raph, I know. Its going to be hard, but we'll get there….eventually…"

Raph laid down, and Leo covered him up. Raph closed his eyes, suddenly exhausted. Leo sat there, watching him sleep, making sure he was secure and safe, while he thought about everything. Leo stayed with his brother.

* * *

Mikey whimpered, crying out every now and then, words coming from his lips that made his family wince and cry.

_Words begging to get free. To not be hurt._

_His voice crying for them, begging for them to save him._

_To bring him home._

_To protect him._

Memories flashed through his brain. Good memories that made him feel loved, made him warm inside, and he clung to them, trying to remember….

"_Here Mikey, this will help you feel better," purples voice said kindly, giving him some medicine. _

"_You wanna play Hide and Seek Mikey?" Blue's voice asked. Blue eyes lit up. _

"_I'll keep the monsters away Mikey. You ain't have nuthin' to worry about. Sleep….it will be better in the mornin" that thick accented voice of Red's voice filtered into his brain. _

"_Shhh, its alright. You're safe now. Your safe now." came father's wise voice. _

Mikey whimpered, wanting to cling to these memories and nice feelings. But the other memories were trying to push them away. The bad ones. The memories of pain, anger, words, laughter, echoing relentlessly inside his head, making the warm memories fade away…

"NO!" he screamed out in desperation. Eyes wide with fright. He heard father's voice nearby, telling him to calm.

"Father?" he whimpered, eyes wet.

"Yes my son, what is wrong?" Splinter asked, seeing true fright in his youngest eyes.

"Why can't I remember?" Mikey whimpered, hugging father tightly to him.

"Remember what Michelangelo?" he replied gently, rubbing his shell comfortingly.

"Why not I remember good….why does it go away…why….why am I not same?" Mikey said, feeling the tears fall down his cheeks.

"My son, I know you are feeling frustrated with your memories, but it will take time to recover. Being injured as you were, cannot heal overnight. Being with your family will help you heal." Splinter said.

Mikey frowned, biting his lip, still not getting the answer he wanted but he left it alone.

He was still worried. Still scared. And wanted to know what had happened to the old him.

"Father….why….?" he said slowly as he pushed himself up, remembering early in the beginning of the pain, screaming for them to come for him, to save him, screaming their names that night, and he slowly started to tremble when the memories flashed in his injured head.

"Why what Michelangelo?" Splinter asked curiously, seeing the tremors, but he turned and saw Donatello and Leonardo come in, and gave a tired smile.

"Why….I not saved??" he asked, his voice small and scared, "Not want me?"

"What?! No, Mikey, of course we wanted you. But it was so hard….we searched every day, trying to find you. But this time, it was so damn hard," Leo said earnestly, sitting down nearby and looking straight into Mikey's troubled eyes, "We would go out and search for hours, we never stopped looking…we would collapse with exhaustion when we drove ourselves past our endurance."

Mikey looked away….words flowed threw his head, words the bad man said, but he looked worried as he said, "I not want be scared no more…"

Leo broke down, tears fell down his cheeks and engulfed Mikey into a tight hug and said wetly, "I don't want you to be scared anymore Mikey, God, I wish I could do more."

Mikey looked worried, afraid, and confused, and he glanced up at father and Purple for help.

_Why was Blue crying? What had he done? He made Blue cry….it was all his fault…_

_Everything was his fault….Red was gone….Blue was crying…and father looked tired. _

"Come Leonardo, I think you need to rest." Father said gently, helping his eldest son up and bringing him to his room. Leo mumbled something and soon fell into a troubled sleep.

"Why?" Splinter heard his youngest ask his other son Donatello.

"Why they leave? Why they cry? Why can't I be the other me….he leave me all alone….he stuck!" Mikey said frowning, remembering the other Mikey, the young one he used to see in his dreams, laughing, playing jokes, having fun.

"Mikey, I…" Don faltered….but Mikey had to say the words flying in his head.

"Why they hurt me!? Why they take me away? Why they beat me? Why did they laugh at me while I scream?" he said brokenly, the bad man words echoing in his brain….

_Pathetic_

_Worthless_

_Garbage_

_Trash_

_Bitch_

_Useless_

_You are NOTHING_

Mikey shuddered in fear as he felt himself falling asleep. He was scared. The Shredder would invade the dreams, and he would scream….but no one ever came to rescue him while he slept….he was all alone….

And Shredder would tear him down once again….

Haunting his dreams………..

* * *

Three Weeks Later:

Mikey was walking along the pillers when he heard a shuffling behind him and he tensed up. He saw a little boy walking toward him and frowned.

"Hello….who are you?" he asked politely, remembering all the rules Donnie had told him about.

"I am Ue-Suma Champion. I am….your brothers helped me…you all helped to save me…" he said quietly. He had been warned to behave well around the orange turtle. He had been hurt badly by a bad man.

"I not save anyone no more. I am no good." Mikey said quietly, looking around at the statues.

There was silence for a few moments as Mikey walked along the hall, looking at the statues, seeing the signs and reading slowly. "What for?" he asked curiously. He had once tried to ask Purple about them, but he spoke fast, and so long, he grew bored.

"They are the Champions!" Ue-Suma said smiling.

Mikey smiled at seeing the little boys eyes light up, and followed him as he spoke of several of the statues.

"They have all fought against other people, wanting to earn the title Battle Nexus Champion. Have you seen all of them yet?" the boy said excited.

Mikey shook his head, he hadn't yet, he was slowly getting used to walking around and exploring on his own. "No, not yet. Father say, only one room. Stay here. No go else where unless with someone."

"You are with me. Want to see your statue?" Ue-Suma said eagerly, "It is my favorite. I go and look at it a lot."

"My statue? I don't have a statue!" Mikey said frowning, but allowed the little boy to grab his hand and pull him down the hall, feeling nervous.

And he stopped, and his eyes widened when he saw the large statue of a turtle gleaming in the sunlight. He was astounded.

**_That was not him. It couldn't be!_**

But that pose, that smile, that silly grin on the face of the statue….

He closed his eyes, memories flashed through his brain…..

"_In this life, we only have each other, if one of us goes down, we all go down, so focus," Blue voice said from far away. _

_He felt scared, worried, anxious. Something was going to happen and he wasn't sure what. _

_Suddenly, he found himself in a hall, banging his head against the wall, muttering, "And then….he'll probably break my legs….I've had my legs broken before….its no fun…"_

_Blue spoke behind him, placing a hand on his shoulder, "Michelangelo, You can win this. I know you can."_

_And he was suddenly gone, no Blue around him. He was in front of this big purple guy, trembling, unsure. _

_Suddenly he recognize the guy, he was the one who hurt him before. Before he knew it, he was being beaten. He felt some ribs crack as he was thrown back. He grunted as he hit the force field. _

_Then he felt hands wrap around his arm, holding him up, punching him hard. He gasped. _

"_Do you hear that? It is the sound of your own defeat. Soon it will be over, first for you, then for your pathetic family," the guys voice burning a pit of rage and anger inside. _

_He remembered Leo's words earlier, "In this life, we only have each other, if one of us goes down, we all go down, so focus."_

_Mikey fought hard, determined, angry, wanting to kill, relishing the sound of brute force, but when he laid in front of him, his nunchuks whirring around him, he felt the anger leave him. His Shell throbbed with pain where the weapon had slashed him, he felt some ribs move inside him, and his wrist throbbed with pain and slowly swelling up. He had the right to kill him, but he lowered his arms, allowing him to live. _

_Then the scene disappeared around him, he was in the dark, walking toward his brother. "Leo, I just wanted to say…thanks.." Mikey said, a smile on his face. _

_Leo turned toward him, placing a hand on his shoulder, saying, "You did good Mike, you did good."_

_Mikey went to sleep that night, his injuries still bothered him a bit, but they nightmares came that night, making him cry out, and his family was there, holding him as he cried in fear, telling him he was safe. The monsters will fade away in time. _

* * *

Mikey was kneeling on the ground, trembling from the shock of remembering, staring at the statue with a little fear and some anger. He remembered that Mikey.

He used to smile all the time, and run around. He used to laugh.

He wanted it again, but his head pounded and throbbed, making it ache relentlessly.

He could hear the child's voice call his name worriedly when he didn't respond, but instead as he slowly pass out, he heard the child scream, "CHAMPION!"

Mikey thought as he felt the darkness grab him, "I'm no champion kid….I'm…not him anymore…" and the darkness claimed him and he felt comforted.

* * *

He felt warm, a clothe on his head, slightly cooled. He moved a bit, wondering what was going on. His head still pounded, memories suddenly moving into range, but then moving away.

He fought against the hands on him, wanting to hear and see the memories that were trying to help him, only to be brutally shoved away.

And the memories that fought to relive himself in his head, were memories of the bad man. Of fights with the bad man.

_Blue being thrown threw a window, almost dead, panic and fear well up inside him, glaring angrily at the men in black and red, fighting hard. _

_Purple waking him up from a nightmare…._

_Red hair…April….handing him his comics…._

_Black hair giving him a noogie…_

_Red….Red was smiling at him, chasing him, and he was laughing, he wanted to remember that laugh….it was so hard to hear Red laugh….._

_Blue smiling at him, nodding his head. _

_Father chuckling as he was being chased by Purple…_

"Father….remember…" he whispered when he saw his father beside him.

"Remember what my son?" Splinter asked. His youngest had collapsed earlier, having ignored the signs of being ill, and pushing himself.

"Remember…Red …laugh?" he said weakly.

Splinter smiled, he remembered, he had cherished all those time his youngest was able to make his most volatile son laugh.

"I remember my son," he whispered.


	25. Chapter 25

A/N: Sorry it took so long, but I got my mojo back. LOL. Gonna keep writing, so hope I can get more chapters out soon. Hope you like it. I will try to update my other fics in a while. Just got really busy all of a sudden and now I got some free time.

Please Review! Thankies!

* * *

Mikey sat down in front of some blank paper, confused. "I not understand. What you want me to do?" he asked, looking up at Red.

"Whadaya mean? Its paper. You draw with it," Raph said confused. He held the pad of paper out with some colouring pens and was trying to give it to Mikey.

"Why?" Mikey asked curiously, taking the paper and pens. He set the paper down, and opened the box curiously, he could remember good feelings, happiness. He frowned.

Raph sat down nearby, "I just wanted to show ya, these things you used ta use a lot before….before…" he trailed off, not wanting to upset Mikey.

But Mikey surprised him, "Before I go away…" and saw Raph's face looking upset, "Is okay. Father say, must talk about. Must learn to overcome…bad things…" he finished lamely, not remembering the right words his father had used.

Raph nodded, "Yeah, I know. How are you doin'?"

Mikey looked around, and then at the paper, "I better. Feel bad though."

"Why do ya feel bad? Someone say sumthin?" Raph said, feeling protective.

Mikey smiled at the small growl Raph made, and shook his head, "No…feel bad, boy scream in fear. When I get sick…and fall. I scared little boy…feel bad. Want to say sorry to him. Is okay?"

Raph broke out into a smile, this was one of the most times Mikey had talked in awhile. He nodded, "Ya, I can go and get him. Or call him for ya. But not to long of a visit. You need ta rest to, okay?"

Mikey nodded, and glanced down at the paper, "Thank you…Raph…for paper...and pens," he said, had been told they wanted him to start calling them by their names.

Raph beamed, his eyes lighting up, hearing his name from Mikey's mouth. "Your welcome Mikey. I'm glad you like it!"

Mikey smiled again, and said "Want go for a walk later? I am tired. Need sleep first. Then lunch…after…walk…join me?" he said hesitantly. Mikey had a schedule now, something to help him expect what is to happen next, and he grew to like it. In mornings, he had lessons, and reading. Nap before lunch, until he got over his illness, he had gotten the flu. After lunch is a walk around, and lessons again. Then night time was free time.

"Sure Mikey, thanks. I would like to come," Raph said, "I'll let you take your nap now, so you get some sleep. I'll come by later, and I'm just in the common room outside," he said, a smile still on his face. He got up and left the room.

Mikey smiled tiredly as Raph left the room, he could hear them talking in the common room. He relaxed as he let sleep take him again. He hated feeling sick and weak.

* * *

When Mikey woke up later, he felt a lot better. It was quiet and he saw it was nearing the lunch hour, but it would be a little while. He sighed and sat up. He picked up the paper and pens and frowned. He closed his eyes, trying to draw in a memory that made sense. _Why would he draw with these? Did he used to?_

_Super heroes!_

_Silver Sentry!_

Mikey frowned, wondering where those thoughts came from, and picked out a dark charcoal color and brought it to the paper, testing it lightly. Then he took a deep breathe, trying to calm himself, and slowly started to draw.

The sounds faded around him as he concentrated, his hand grabbing various colors as this image in his head wouldn't leave him alone. He got lost in his concentration, forgetting around him.

His anxious feelings, his anger, his hurt, seem to fade away.

"Michelangelo," he heard from a long distance away.

_He ignored it. This had to be done. It was working, it was getting there. It was almost done. There was a strong urge inside him, something that seem so far away in his mind and heart. Something he wanted but it wasn't there._

"Mikey!" he heard again but ignored it. Grabbing another pen, he continued.

Then he felt something tugging at the paper, trying to pull it away, and he growled, angrily, eyes flashing, he didn't want it taken!

He scrambled back, growling low in his throat as he yanked it back.

_No!_

_This picture was something he wanted!_

_It was something he locked away in his mind!_

_Something so good and pure that he wasn't allowed to have!_

_It had to be finished._ He grabbed another pen, snapping his jaws when he saw someone got to close.

"Stay back. He is remembering something. Something that is in his mind. Something he doesn't want to fade. Leave him, wait until he is done! Just remain calm. He is struggling with a memory that he is remembering." he heard a light feminine voice say.

He blocked them out, trying to get this image out.

He grabbed the last pen, drawing long lines in a row, showing shadows. He finally stopped, looking at the picture. Confused.

_What was this?_

_Where was this?_

_NO! He wasn't allowed it! He was taken from it! He had to lock it away. He couldn't bring it back!!!!_

He cried out, pushing the papers to the side, panicked, he glanced around, feeling anger, and helplessness.

_He was not going to let it go, it had to be locked away! They couldn't come back! They couldn't be let in! NO!_

"Mikey, what's wrong!?" he heard Purple say anxiously.

"Calm down, your scaring him. He just needs a moment." he heard his Healer say.

"Go away! GO AWAY!!" Mikey said, covering his face, "Stop, Please!"

It was silence for awhile, he could hear them breathing.

"I can't," he whispered.

"You can't what?" Blue said quietly, being careful not to move to fast.

"I can't let you in. I can't let you back in! I can't go back there!" he said, eyes closed tightly, hands shaking as he kneeled down.

"Back where? In where?" Blue asked confused, his voice soft.

He heard footsteps moving around, the sound of paper rustling. He heard a light gasp, and heard father say, "It is the Den," and he could feel eyes on him.

"I can't!" Mikey whispered, feeling scared.

"You can't what Mikey? I don't understand! What's goin' on in tha head of yours?" Raph said gently, trying to move closer.

"You aren't here. You Red. You not Raph. Raph is gone! Leo is gone. Donnie is gone. Master Splinter is gone. Only Red. Only Blue. Only Purple! Only Father. They not come back. I not let them come back!!!" Mikey said, a fierce whisper coming from his lips.

"What? Sensei, what's going on?" Blue said frantically.

"I do not know my son," Father whispered.

Donnie watched his youngest brother, seeing him shiver on the ground. '_Let them in? What does he mean? Does it have anything to do with his capture? What does he mean? Gone? Gone where?…' _and the pieces suddenly became clear, '_He made us leave him. He couldn't keep us in his mind. It hurt to much!'_

Mikey was still trembling on the ground. Donnie moved to Mikey, inching toward him, "Mikey, look at me. Its over. You can let us come back now. Your safe."

Mikey shook his head frantically, "No, can't. Bad! Hurts! No!"

Don shook his head, kneeling beside him, "Mikey, let us back in. You are safe now. Its okay to let us in. We only want to help you!"

"Donnie, what is he talking about!?" Leo demanded, grabbing Don away and shaking him.

"He blocked us out of his mind. Its something people do. To stop the pain from hurting so much. To stop everything. He blocked us away. He made us go away, so it wouldn't hurt so much!" Don tried to explain, "He couldn't stand us being with him while he was being hurt. To remember us, or the good times! It explains everything. Why we're called by our colors, why he has memory problems. It explains why he won't let himself remember!"

Don wrenched his arm away from Leo and turned back to Mikey, "Mikey listen to me. Its okay to let us back in. You're not being hurt anymore. You're not being tortured. He is not hurting you anymore. Your safe. Let us back in!"

Mikey shook his head, "NO!" he said angrily. _How could he let them in? They would get hurt! They would see him hurt! NO!_

Don knelt down in front of him, grabbing his shoulders, making Mikey look at him, "You need to chose Mikey. You need us. You need us to be back. Let us in. It will be alright."

Mikey shook his head, frantic, afraid.

"You were alone. Hurting, confused. You screamed in pain, you fought back. You tried so hard to survive. But you kept remembering us. You remembered home, your brothers. You remembered the good times, teasing, having fun. You missed us so much it hurt and was killing you. But it was getting so hard," Don's voice became steady and low, "But it was getting to hard to remember. It kept blurring together. And all you wanted was to go home. To be safe, but you couldn't, so you made us leave. You wanted to keep us safe, so you forced us to go away…."

Mikey's eyes were wide, conflicting emotions showed in his eyes, tears forming, and he shook his head 'no' trying to ignore it.

"But you are safe now. The pain is gone. You can bring us back now!" Don said.

Mikey said angrily, tears running down his cheek, "NO! Why are you doing this? NO! I not want you to come back! I weak! I bad! You see me like that! You see me scream! NO! I not want that! I not want you! It hurt to much! NO! Not let you in!" and he scrambled backwards, trying to find a way to escape.

Don grabbed his arm, holding him still. His eyes were blazing with emotions, anger, fear, frustration. "Mikey, I get it. You missed us so much. You cried for us to come and find you. To take you away. And the memories of us, it hurt. Because you missed what you couldn't have. But Shell Mike, you need to let us back in. Your safe now! You are safe, and we are here, with you. Let us in!"

"Master Splinter gone, Leo gone, Raph gone, Don gone," Mikey started to chant, shutting his eyes tightly.

"NO! WE AREN'T GONE! WE ARE HERE! RIGHT HERE! Right Now! AND ITS OKAY! Its okay, you can remember us. It won't hurt anymore. It won't hurt to have us back!" Don said, crushing Mikey to his chest. Mikey trembled violently in Don's arms, eyes clutched tightly shut.

"Please, Mikey, you gotta let us in," he sobbed, holding his little brother tightly, "You need to remember. Your safe. Just let us back in, _Please,_" he said, voice catching, "I know you remember how we sound. How we look. How we act. I know it hurts to remember us when you were in so much pain, but you need us Mikey, Please, you got to let go of that survival instinct and let us back in…you need us, and Shell, we need you...please Mikey, you gotta let that wall down and let us back in, _please...._"

*******************


	26. Chapter 26

Orange could hear him talking and he tried to block him out. He didn't want to hear these words! He struggled, cried, and wanted to run.

**RUN!**

**FEAR!!!**

**LIES!!!**

**PAIN!!!!!**

"NO!" he yelled out, trying to break out of purple's grip on him. Purple was crying. Because of him. But Purple wanted him to let them back. He couldn't! He couldn't!

"NO, gone, they are gone. No come back. Not want come back. Hurts!" he babbled, his world fading away, remembering.

_He was cold, shivering. His whole body hurt. He wanted to go home. Where he was safe. Warm. _

"_I miss you…why won't you come for me?" he whispered, remembering his brothers. He could see them, he could see them standing there, smiles on their faces. Telling him they loved him, that they were trying to find him. _

_But he was tired. They were there. And they couldn't help him. _

_The door opened and he shivered, knowing the Blond man came in. He shivered as the Blond man came toward him, a evil grin on his face. T'Yuin smiled, walking closer, "Guess what Turtle!?" he said, grinning. _

_Mikey moved back, a glare on his face. "Get away from me Baka!"_

_The man grinned harder, "Shredder said I am allowed to do what I wish. You are nothing. Nothing but a toy, a pet! Do you understand?" he said, walking to Mikey's broken form. _

_Mikey winced as he slid to his knees, gasping as the ribs inside shifted. He could still feel the dull ache from many days ago, and shuddered as he remembered that dark night. He had begged and pleaded, and thankfully he repressed most of it. He remembered the beginning as they laughed and cheered. And felt the aftermath, but he didn't remember it actually happened. _

"_You are mine!" T'Yuin said, as he suddenly struck Mikey hard across the face, and Mikey's head snapped back, he yelped, that had hurt. He glared at the Blond man. _

"_YOU ARE NOTHING!!! I WILL BREAK YOU!" he said with that sickening smile on his face. _

"_Fuck you, my family will come for me!" he snarled back. _

"_Your family has not saved you yet Freak!" and suddenly Mikey was struck down and fists rained down on him and he was soon too weak to move. He whimpered as he felt bones break. He gasped as he felt a warm body on him. He struggled and felt more hands on him, holding him down. He glanced around, begging to be let go. _

_Breathing hard. _

_PAIN!!!!_

_WHITE FLARING PAIN_

_And Mikey cried and screamed as he saw them. His family. His family shouldn't see this. He glared at them, telling them to go. To stay away. To GO!_

_They refused. _

_But Mikey couldn't do it anymore! _

_He screamed and begged, and sobbed, and finally….._

_He screamed at them, yelled at them for not saving him. Screamed and yelled as they sent their love and hope. And Mikey couldn't hope anymore. _

_He was broken, bleeding, and he was no more the same Mikey they knew. _

_They had to go, and Mikey screamed at them with hate, with pain in his heart, and made them leave. _

_He couldn't stand them watching, making himself believe they would come. Not now. He was broken. _

"_GO AWAY!" He screamed. _

_They refused to go. They stayed, and as Mikey became more disorientated and more lost, he made himself forget them. He made himself forget, because every time he got a glimpse of them, of how they looked, how they sounded, their voices inside him head, he cried, and felt more broken. _

_He couldn't do it anymore. _

_Finally after so long, Mikey faded away, locked himself away, it hurt too much. _

_He was broken....not worthy....He couldn't remember...he couldn't be Mikey...so he locked Mikey away...Mikey stopped being hurt....but he faded away..._

_He became whoever Shredder wanted him to be. _

_A ghost...._

_A shadow..._

_Nothing....._

_Shredder had finally made him forget. Made him scared to remember. And he knew he couldn't. _

'"_You don't even know who you are! You are pathetic! Worthless! You don even deserve to be given a name! Pathetic piece of trash!" the voice said, driving his voice inside his mind, making his thoughts twisted, coursed through. _

_He grabbed for a cloth, any, he didn't care. He would be whoever the cloth was. He would be what ever the cloth said. He knew the colours. They from long ago. A life ago. _

_When he was good. _

_When he wasn't bad. _

_He was who the mask was. Any color. He couldn't let them in. _

_Let in?_

_Bring them back?_

_**NO!!!**_

_**BAD**_

_**PAIN**_

_**Shame…..**_

_**He was broken, why???**_

_Why is Purple crying?_

Mikey could feel Purple crying, hard. _Holding him. Wanting to be back inside him. But he shook his head. He didn't want to remember. He didn't want them! He wanted the colors. The colors never hurt him!_

_The colors helped him, made him feel good, fed him. They were good, and pure. They were his family. His color family. _

"Please Mikey, you gotta let us in! You won't heal unless you do….You need us!" and the voice cracked a bit, "And God knows, he knows, we need you!"

Mikey shook his head. He couldn't be who they wanted. _He couldn't remember how to be that Mikey. That Mikey was dead. Locked away....He was gone. Why couldn't he just be Orange? Why couldn't they just be colors?_

_It was so confusing, all these words, all these things…._

"Don gone, Raph gone, Leo gone. Master Splinter gone, no come back. Not want to come back. Bad. Wrong. Shame. Not want them back. They would know. They know…." his voice faded away.

He heard Red speak, "Jeez Mikey, we're here. We're here, with you. We ain't leavin' ya! You gotta let us in! We just wanna help you!!!"

Then Orange shivered violently, the one inside, the one he locked away, their Mikey, the one they all missed and was brutally scarred, was angry. And he wanted to come out, but he shook his head, trying to reel him in. Trying to keep him locked away, because that Mikey, that Mikey knew, and endured everything, before Orange could come, and take the pain away.

Orange became Mikey's hurt self. The one he became when the pain returned so much, and he had to hide.

"Michelangelo, I know you can hear us. You are struggling inside, to keep us out. But you must let go. We want to help you. Please, let us back in. You are safe now!" Father said in a stern voice.

_How he wanted to obey, wanting to let go, but he couldn't. He couldn't let go. He whimpered. Shivered. _

_No, they are gone. They didn't save Mikey. They didn't come when he cried. When he begged. When he screamed. They didn't come and save him. They left him alone. _

_He was hurt._

_He was scarred!_

_He screamed for them…_

_He begged for them, and they didn't come…._

_He ran inside, yelled at the memories of his family, the warmth and love he could feel when he remembered, the large ache in his chest when he cried for them….when he was alone, in the dark…cold…._

_And it hurt more than the pain…the cruel laughter…to remember something so good, so pure….and he couldn't do it anymore…._

_He made them leave_

_He didn't want them …._

_They…were good…_

_He was bad_

_And they didn't come….._

_He was alone…._

"Mikey, Please, I know. It must hurt. Everyday you woke up. Everyday you hoped today would be the day we would come…and when it was over….when we didn't come….you world turned more dark," he could hear Blue whisper, his voice close, "And the dreams….the nightmares….the pain… it was too much….but now…" The voice broke off, taking a deep breathe, "Now, its over. The pain went away. The dark is now light. You aren't alone. Now we are here, we want to help you. Please, you gotta let us in so we can help you."

_Why? Why should I? You weren't there! You weren't there when the bad man would come in! You weren't there when the doctor took from me! You weren't there when metal man came in. When I scream or cry. When the dark would take me! When everything was too much. _

_I broke. _

_I broke and you weren't there to fix me!! _

_WHY SHOULD I!!?? _

_I was alone…._

"Alone…" Orange whispered lightly, his eyes slowly turning blank.

"No Mikey, you aren't alone. We're right here, right now, choose us! Please Mikey, you gotta choose to come back," Purple demanded.

Orange glanced up, feeling broken again. He pushed the feelings away, the pain inside, the angry Mikey who wanted to shout and scream at them. But he was the one who was bad, and he couldn't let them in.

"I…Don gone…Leo gone…Raph gone…Master Splinter gone…all gone….Mikey gone….no more….no more family…all gone…." and the eyes that had once showed life 40 minutes before, eyes that showed healing and hope, slowly blanked out….leaving behind….

'_Nothing…' _Orange thought as he ran back inside his head, trying to hide.

But the Mikey inside, the one he tried to trap inside, tried to break free, and dominate him. But Orange knew that this Mikey was trapped. He could not be himself. Orange was there.

But Mikey was determined….

And while Orange slept tiredly, Mikey came forward, breaking through the barriers, trying to push past the cages around his family, trying to break his family free, their memories, their love, their hope.

And the cages shattered brutally, memories soared out....

Whispers of memories bombarded Orange, confusing him.

"_Goodbye Home sweet home.." Sadness as he looked around their home, the one they grew up in, gone, his brothers surrounded him, giving him strength…making him smile as Raph grabbed him, giving him a noogie as they left to find Splinter…_

_**NO**_

"_Come here Knucklehead," a laughing Red said, chasing him around their new home._

_**NO, DON"T REMEMBER**_

"_Concentrate Mikey," Father said smiling, as he managed to complete the double roll back flip, and landed perfectly. _

_**NO, Not real, THEY ARE NOT ALLOWED**_

"_Wow, this is awesome, you'se guys live here?" Black hair guy said, glancing around the lair for the first time, surprised at the spaciousness of their home. _

_**BAD, WRONG, NOT WORTH IT**_

"_I love my new family…" Red hair woman said smiling at them. She was one they rescued, saved, and she loved them. They were her brothers, and she was their sister, April…._

_**GO AWAY, GO, NOT NEED YOU…**_

"_Guys, guys, meet Klunk, he's my new kitty!" Mikey said excitably, running into the lair, showing his new kitten to his brothers, seeing their eyes as they lit up, and showed their own joy at the kitten. It was something everyone wanted since they were children. _

_**He's gone, been gone forever, gone, everyone leave me. All Alone**_

"_I'm Battle Nexus Champion!" Mikey said shocked, standing there, shivering a bit, father's beaming smile rained down upon him and felt good. _

_**NO, wrong, bad, hurts, everything hurts, please, go away, go away, it hurts, it hurts!! METAL MAN….he right….I'm worthless….don't…don't deserve…**_

"_He stole my comic books!!!" he shouted in outrage, his brothers burst out into laughter…_

_**Anger, pain, GO AWAY, GO, OUT OF MY HEAD, you gotta leave now….can't see me… not like that….not broken…go….GO AWAY**_

_Leo staring at him, pride and understanding showed on his face, "You did good Mikey, you did good," and Mikey smiled, feeling the surge of love and strength coming from his brother, his words echoed in his head, 'In this life, we only have each other, If one of us goes down, we all go down…' and he shivered, wishing to the heavens, that his family would be kept safe. _

_**Safe, they need to go away. They need to be safe. They can't be here. They can't see. I brought them down. I…Go away, Please, you can't be here. You can't be here. Its all bad, its all twisted….**_

'_In this life, we only have each other,' echoed in his head as he watched in fear as Don was screaming Splinters name. Mikey watched in horror as he watched Splinter crash threw the window, falling….he went down…._

_**I'm not safe anymore. I let you down…**_

_Mikey froze in horror, stopping, about to scream when something grabbed him around the waist, and he fell….hard. He was dazed, hurt and confused, and it was a blur, but when his vision cleared, he saw Raph in front of him, growling in anger as he bled from his arm and leg, struggling to get up, to protect….he let him down…._

_**Raph was hurt, because of me. I hurt them. I let them down. They have to go. They have to leave me like this. I not strong. I weak. Worthless….they gone. They not come back. They hurt….they hurt if they return…better…better if they gone…. **_

_He was cold, shivering, his brothers were around him, holding him, he was hurt, bleeding, Raph's intensity, Leo's strength, Don's hope, Father's will, wanting him back….wanting him home….he was cold….._

_**He was alone. They were gone. No more….Leo gone, Raph gone, Don gone, Master Splinter gone….all gone….they not come back!**_

_Mikey woke up, Father was there, so was Don. He was okay. He was alive….they were alright….he was safe…hurt….injured….but he was safe now…._

_**Am I safe? Is it finally safe?**_

Orange opened his eyes, feeling weak, odd, and slowly, silently, sat up. He looked around, everyone was asleep. He was with his family. He was safe. He was not injured.

He whispered in the night, briefly letting Mikey retain his control, and whispered in the night, "I…I choose…you guys…my …family…" and tears ran down his cheek.

No one heard Mikey's whispered plea…. he wasn't ready yet…Mikey was too fragile, still hurt in mind, soul. He had to be Orange….

"Just wait….wait for me….I'll come back…" Mikey whispered in the twilight, a twinge of hope in his chest, before his mind clouded again, Orange returned….and laid back down, shivering….wishing…wishing a part of him….he could let them in…on his own…but Orange wasn't that strong...and he had to wait...wait until Mikey healed more....and Orange was enough to stop Mikey from hurting....but he couldn't be their Mikey...they needed to wait....

And Orange wished he could explain, to say...but he couldn't....he couldn't talk like that, his thoughts were clouded, memories mixed up, confusion all around him....and Orange was there....

He watched his family sleep....tired, drained....his memories he quickly locked back up, he couldn't remember...not all of it yet....maybe soon....maybe soon, he would be strong enough...and finally let Mikey out.....

* * *

Please review! I know, its coming together, a few more chapters to go! Please review, would really enjoy them!!!!


	27. Chapter 27

A/N: Hi everyone. Sorry for such a huge delay, I'm still writing for all those who are wondering what the heck is going on with them. LOL.

ChizuMaehara, lisa bowler , Demi4yah, SoujaLightFaerie, Michael J Angelo , thanks for reviewing on my last chapters.

I wrote this chapter 3 days ago and tried to make it longer but I'm battling against insomnia, looking for work and a very hyper 5 year old daughter who won't let me GET ENOUGH SLEEP!!! LOL

Enjoy and review.

********************************************************************************************************************

Orange sighed, wishing he could make his family lighten up. He vaguely remembered his old self, their Mikey, pull a prank about now. But Orange knew he couldn't do that. That was not him. He couldn't hurt his Masters. He bit his lip and walked off by himself, wondering how he could let the old Mikey out.

He sat down, trying to focus on his inner self.

He breathe deeply, calming his anxiety. He shuddered, remembering the last time that he meditated. It had scared him.

He couldn't do it again.

But he had to try….

_

* * *

_

Memories drifted by him, he tried to catch them, to focus on them. But it was all in disarray.

"_What do I do?" he thought, feeling more anxious. _

"_Concentrate…" he heard behind him, and turned. He was surprised to see a grinning Mikey standing there. _

"_Where have you been?" Orange demanded. He was angry at this turtle because that was all his Masters wanted, was him, but he hadn't returned. _

"_Hiding. I can't return. I don't want them to know how I had broke, and became you!" Mikey said with a sneer on his face. _

_Orange bristled at the tone. "They are good Masters Mikey. They are your brothers. You should return. They want you, you know!"_

_Mikey shook his head, "I know…but I can't. You know how hard it was. Every day I waited for them to come, waited for them to hear me. But they never came. I broke. Shattered apart. You can never repair what is broken…" Mikey said sadly. _

"_They want you. They don't want Orange. They want you. You are hurt. You get better. Come out. Play, then go back. Be me. But come out. Talk…talk to them. Your family. They need Mikey, not Orange," Orange said sadly. _

"_They should be happy with Orange. I…I can't go back…yet…I can…I can try…" Mikey finally said, looking absolutely terrified of the thought. _

_Orange nodded, "Come back…talk. They always say should talk. Should talk about inside. Hard though. Not right in here. Not me, it you."_

_Mikey nodded, looking determined, "I'll try to help with that. You need to organize your mind. Memories need to be in order. I can try and help…when you come back, I'll try to clean…" _

_Orange nodded and was about to leave. _

"_Orange…"_

_Orange turned back, looking at the timid Mikey. _

"_You should tell them….their Mikey isn't strong enough….not yet. It will take time….and thanks…" Mikey said. _

_Orange frowned, "No need to thank. I am here for you."_

_Mikey nodded, and the world shimmered around them._

_Orange _opened his eyes.

* * *

He stood up and saw Leo meditating in front of him. He gave a small smile. That was Leo all right. Blue liked meditating if he was.

Orange's head suddenly hurt, he closed his eyes briefly, a image behind his eyes, remembering something....

_

* * *

_

Meow….Meow…

_Orange walked into the room, seeing Blue holding a orange cat in his arms, looking cross. Her whiskers were burnt. _

"_Mikey, I told you time and time again. Teach your cat to stay away from my candles."_

_Orange felt himself replying, "Dude, just close the door man, you know she loves fire!"_

"_Only you would have a pyromaniac cat. Just take her," Leo said smiling a bit. _

* * *

Orange smiled at the memory, but frowned. He glanced around, head still stinging slight, he didn't remember seeing an orange cat. He wondered where it was.

"Blue?" he called out.

Blue's eyes opened, his dark eyes gazing at him, a soft smile on his face. "Yes Mikey?"

Orange cringed a bit, he didn't like being called Mikey when he really wasn't. At least not yet. "Where cat?"

Blue frowned, a anxious look passed by his face. "Uh, what cat?" he tried to evade.

"I see…orange cat…blue eyes…cute. Small. Mine…I think…I not see it here…where is it?" Orange asked curiously.

"Uh…I don't know…lemme ask Master Splinter….wait here.." Blue said slowly, his voice slightly stressed and worried.

Orange frowned. Something was wrong with this picture. He could sense Blue being uncomfortable and scared. Of what? Him?

Orange followed behind.

Blue waved him to sit down, muttering, "Be right back," and soon left the room.

Orange sat down, still feeling apprehensive.

He could hear heated voices, anger, worry and frustration. And he was very concerned.

Suddenly, the door opened and Blue came out followed by Purple, Red and Father. He tensed up, feeling scared.

_Something was going on, something was wrong, but what?_ he thought a little apprehensive.

"Michelangelo, we have something we need to talk with you about. Your kitten you named Klunk. Shortly after you disappeared…well, he disappeared from home as well. We could not find him despite trying to search for him." Splinter said carefully, his old eyes full of worry and concern.

Orange frowned, wondering why this anxious feeling was building inside him. But something else confused him, wasn't he home already? Here? Battle Nexus? He knew this place, had been here for a long time. Was he home? If not, then…."Where home?"

Now they all looked surprised, and glanced at each other confused. "I told you, we need him to see the Lair. So he could remember," Don said, frowning.

"I not understand….here. Nexus? Not home?" Orange asked confused, feeling worried.

_Orange was worried, suddenly, scenes and images would pop in his head, making him feel uncomfortable with all these thoughts and emotions because it wasn't him remembering. And when he remembered...his head would hurt, sometimes throb. He knew better than to tell anyone he was hurting so he kept it to himself, besides it was Mikey's memories that were suddenly free._

_And this time, Orange let them free, and didn't let them get locked away. He knew this was what Mikey wanted. To remember. To remember how to be their Mikey._

* * *

"We need to go home," Splinter said sadly._ He didn't want to return his youngest son to that world until he was healed, but they had been in the Battle Nexus for many months, and he had only came so far. He had been fighting the Healers when they said he needed to return, to remember what he locked away. To accept what happened and to move past it._

_But his youngest, his Michelangelo, was born with his eyes so lit with innocence and mischievousness. His Michelangelo was caring, and kind. He enjoyed making his brothers laugh, and relax._

_But this was not his Michelangelo. This child, this abused and hurt turtle of his, was broken. Two people._

_Orange_

_Mikey_

_And he had separated himself. Orange would take on the physical and emotional pain._

_But his Michelangelo. He would have to deal with the abuse he had endured before he managed to create Orange. And it hurt his tired soul. He was getting older in his years, and was worried he would get ill, or pass away before his youngest was rescued._

_But seeing him. So sick, timid and haunted cracked his heart into pieces. He had failed._

_Failed as a father, and failed as a sensei, in protecting his sons._

_And he was willing to live with that._

_But Michelangelo was healing. Slowly._

_And he was afraid to have his son return home to panic and chaos if he suddenly had flashbacks in their Den, or panic attacks._

_Healer Sarila had stressed that a move home could have some potential risks, but the sooner he assimilated in their true environment, the faster he would be able to get more comfortable._

_He knew he had to decide, to help him. _

"Yes my sons, it is time to return home," he said, looking at his sons. Three stood with slightly slouched shoulders, one tired, one hurt, one stressed, and the smallest one stood with confusion on his face.

"Where is home?" his youngest asked.

"We shall show you my son, come let us get ready," Splinter said, placing his hand gently on Michelangelo's arm, felt it tense up at the light touch, but gently guided him toward their rooms.

"Let us bring you home..."


	28. Chapter 28

A/N: Hiya, i know its not much, but I've been really busy lately, and on pins and needles about a job I interviewed for. I hope I get it. Anyway, still writing a few chapters on the other ones because its been so long, and I'm trying hard for Faster Child but I got stuck but last night i can up with an outline for the next few chapters, and for the rest of my stories as well, so I can start writing again. But updates will be based per story, and since I'm very much involved with this story, i think i rather update this one and maybe one of my other ones. Not sure yet.

Anyway, I just ramabled a whole bunch above, so if i made sense, awesome, if it was just a babble, sorry. i meant to explain.

Anyhoo, please review so I know people are still reading this. I know some are, and thanks to the ones who left a review last chapter, i hope this chapter makes you happy.

Enjoy, and review, and smile!!!!!!!!! (you'll see why at the end!)

* * *

Orange watched worriedly as his brothers and Father slowly packed up their things. He once tried to push past them to pack their stuff before them, but they stopped him and told him to sit and wait. Orange felt panicked and unsure. He then tried to pack up his stuff, but Blue softly said, "Let me do this for you."

Orange bit his lip unhappily, worried about what was going on. _They talked quietly about returning home. Someplace called the Lair._

"Michelangelo, come, let us bring you home," Father said, bringing Orange beside him. Orange watched in silence and fear as Leonardo drew something on the wall and watched it shimmer. He remembered seeing it a long time ago. Before he came here.

_You have to walk through. _

_No_

He trembled, "Scared," he whispered as he was pushed toward the bright doorway.

"I know my son, but trust me, it will be all right. It will not hurt you," Father said, pushing Orange through gently.

Orange's mind was in a jumble. _It tried to piece together memories of this doorway, remembering fighting, attacking, Father, Nexus, home… but he was too nervous to take in these memories right now, and quickly pushed them back. _

'_What was going on? Why were we leaving? Why not say goodbye to everyone? Where? Are we going?'_, Orange thought hesitantly.

Mikey broke through his thoughts, distracting him, 'Home,' a strong yearning, excitement, and longing, came from inside, struggling to come to terms of seeing his home once more.

Orange opened his eyes once he stepped through, feeling Father push him quickly down the alley way.

Orange glanced around, flashing of memories filtered in, in split seconds, showing a feeling, or a brief memory.

_Running_

_Gasping_

_Crying out_

_Trying to get home_

Orange shivered in the cool air, and saw a large vehicle, and frowned. A glance around and he realized it was the vehicle that he was rescued in. So long ago. He didn't remember much from then.

He saw the black haired man, and frowned again. Struggling for the name he had forgotten.

_That's Casey, its okay…._

He saw Blue and Purple great the Red haired women warmly, hugging her in their excitement. And Red talking with the black haired man.

Father was standing beside him, watching, a small smile on his face. They climb in the vehicle and heard Father say to them, "He is a little shy right now. Wait until we are home before you greet him."

Orange breathed a sigh of relief. He was scared he would have to talk with the humans. He could remember humans hurting him. Yelling at him. And he shivered again, not even hearing Father murmur that he was safe.

Memories were rushing through his head at a blur and he couldn't handle it_. It was to much, to fast, and he found himself closing himself back up. Fast._

_He obeyed whoever told him to move but when he was brought to his room, as soon as he was in, he bolted to his closet and shut himself inside. Trying to calm, to think._

_What is going on? I…what am I remembering? NO! Stop, slow down, this hurts, it hurts. I…MIKEY!_

_Mikey_

_Where are you_

_Suddenly, Orange heard a soft voice through the confusion of memories, and walked toward it, scared. _

"_Mikey, is that you?" he called out timidly. _

"_NO!" he heard a voice snap out, "it's the tooth fairy!"_

"_Mikey what is going on? I…I can't handle all of this. At once. The memories. Its too much, to fast….can you slow it down?" Orange asked worriedly. _

_Mikey stared at him silently, his voice wavered as he asked, "Are you home?"_

_Orange shrugged, "They call it home. But…this is not my home…." he murmured. He barely remembered this place. Full of anger and pain. Shame. _

_He felt guilty, not being able to handle this much so fast. _

"_This is the Lair. …it…its where I used to live…" Mikey said quietly. "..we moved….last home was gone…. Leo found this one." his voice slightly distracted as he told Mikey, the memories coming forth as a slideshow, showing many things to fast for Orange to comprehend. _

"_I. I…was so happy to see it at first…Orange, I tried. I really did," Mikey said, his voice cracks in despair, tears run down his cheeks. Orange gently scoops him up, shielding him. _

"_I…its hurts to see it. Its hurts….I can't be here. I got to get out. I…god, Please, don't let me see it. I can't be there. I'm not worth it." Mikey sobbed. _

_Orange sighed, wishing he could help him. He watched the slideshow of memories flash past him as he held the broken turtle, sobbing for a life he had to forget…had been forced to forget…_

"_Mikey, I..I can't do this much longer. ..it hurts..I know. But this is your life…not mine. You need to overcome. You need to be.." Orange said reluctantly. _

_Mikey nodded softly, and suddenly disappeared in the realm. Orange knew he ran back to his cell. It was the one place he felt safe from the memories, because he had banned them from his world. _

_Orange sighed, "Scared as you are, you are still watching and trying to hide. I need to leave. I need to go. I'm not helping anymore. Not for awhile. When things are too much, I will come back. But you must take control. Breathe, watch. Come out when I call for you. This is your life now….."_

He opened his eyes, and saw he was still in the closet. He slowly peeked out, and saw Red sleeping on the floor nearby, waiting. Orange allowed a small smile on his face at the sight. He heard a whispered '_Raphie_' in his head and knew it was Mikey wishing he could be there.

He slowly stepped out, careful not to make a sound. He crept past Red on the floor and glanced around the room he was in. As he touched pictures and drawings, he felt happiness, excited, passion. He felt confused by some of these emotions and realized these were Mikey's projects and hobbies. He lifted up a sketch book and felt the love and pureness almost poring from the pages as he saw sketches of his family. Friends.

He frowned glancing around. He could feel his heart calling out to look at remembered items, memories flashing back as he picked up some comics about a Rhino grinning at them. Another when he touched the drum set of a girl with purple hair smiling at him.

He jumped back, confused and unsure. These were not HIS!!! These were Mikey's, and it shouldn't even be considered his.

Orange couldn't. Not anymore. This was Mikey's, and he had to take control.

"NOOOOooo" he screamed in anger, frustration and hurt. His head pounded, feeling like it was being torn apart.

_Orange yelled at Mikey as they transferred over….'Be you…I will come when it becomes to much, but this is your life…you can't keep running….or hiding….be with them…open up. Be you. You are MIKEY! You are not Orange, or anything else. You are Mikey…..I will be here. '_

'_No, wait, I'm not ready, not like this….' Mikey screamed as he felt himself shift forward….'Orange. No come back. It-'_

'_No, this is your time. You are finally able to process, and take things in. You can learn and not be afraid. They will not hurt you, or let harm come to you while you remain with them. They will do their best in protecting you at all cost. I see them sleeping on the floor for you, leaving their home behind for you to heal,' Orange whispered as he took over the cell Mikey had hidden himself in._

'_It is now time for you to heal and overcome and that is what you are there for. When you wake up you will be Mikey. Just like you used to. You will learn to overcome your barriers in time,' Orange said, the door of the cell closing partly, leaving Mikey on his own…_

Mikey blinked and whimpered as he shifted on the bed.

_BED?_

He scrambled out of the bed in terror, remembering Shredder angrily beating him for even laying on the bed.

Mikey was back in his mind, and cringed as he saw the door open and his heart quickened in fear…..


	29. Chapter 29

*************************

He watched silently as his brother Leonardo came in, followed by the red haired human. He frowned, trying to draw the memory forward, to remember her. He knew she was familiar, but why?

_Friend…_

_Rescued her…_

* * *

"Mikey, your awake?" Leo said surprised, frowning when he saw Mikey was kneeling on the floor, watching them carefully. Studying them, and saw a spark or a flicker of something in his eyes as he stared at April.

"Can you go and grab Donnie for me?" Leo whispered to April, who smiled at Mikey, and nodded.

Mikey continued to watch as Leo put the tray in his hands down on the desk nearby. "I don't know what happened earlier, but you scared us a lot. Are you in any pain?"

Mikey hesitated. _Would they know he was really Mikey? Or Orange? Could they see the difference? Should he tell them? What should he do?_

Leo watched emotions and hesitation flash over Mikey's face, guarded and afraid. Leo frowned at that. _Orange had been getting comfortable with them quite well the last few months, and had even came to listen more. _Leo sat down, "How are you feeling Mikey?"

"Fine." Mikey said, still kneeling unsure of how to react around his brother. It had been so long since he really interacted with them.

Leo's brow bunched at the answer. Something was off. He wasn't acting like he had been acting for awhile. He saw him tense up quickly, eyes clouded with fear quickly, as the door just opened. Leo observed as Mikey shuffled back a bit, confusion clear in his movements.

Mikey's eyes narrowed at seeing the red haired girl back '_What was her name?'_ thinking hard, along with Don standing beside her, and Raph and Splinter walking in as well.

* * *

Mikey saw them come into his room. He glanced around, suddenly feeling very trapped and a need to break out. But he couldn't move. He was scared.

Don came toward him and he tensed immensely as Don touched his arm. "Hey Mikey, I'm just going to check you over. How is your head? That was a nasty episode earlier, do you remember what happened?"

"No," he replied, confused.

"No you don't remember?" Don asked, slightly confused.

"No. I don't remember. What's going on?" Mikey asked, trying to back up a bit more.

Don's eyes widened in surprise at the answer. "Mikey?" he whispered, joy in his voice.

Mikey cocked his head to the side, waiting.

"Mikey, what do you remember about meeting LH?" he asked, eagerness in his voice.

Mikey frowned, not even acknowledge the name. "LH? Who the Hell names their kid LH?" and then quickly covered his mouth in shock, cringing back, muttering, "…sorry. ..sorry…so sorry…" remembering previous punishments Shredder would give him for talking like that.

"Mikey? Where is Orange?" Don asked, tears running down his face, sorrow in his eyes.

Mikey really didn't like how they were looking at him and quickly bolted toward his bed and crawled underneath. He burrowed under, able to move easily. He felt comforted and safe. He often hid under the bed in the cell when Shredder tortured him.

"I think this is Mikey guys, it has to be!" Don said excitably.

"Calm down Donatello. He is scared and confused. How do you know?" Splinter asked as he walked toward the bed and peered underneath.

Mikey watched as the Rat peeked underneath, giving him a soft smile. He remembered that smile.

_Splinter. _

_Sensei_

_Daddy… _his mind whispered as he tried to control the confused and jumbled memories together.

"Lets us leave and give him time to calm down. Leonardo, stay here. Talk with him," Splinter said as he gathered the rest of them up.

"Yes sensei," Leo replied.

Mikey wasn't sure he wanted to talk to Leo. He was scared. _What if he blamed him for being captured. It was his fault. He didn't fight hard enough. He couldn't get out of _it. Mikey felt the tears start to come and he sniffled.

"Mikey, I know its really you now. Did Orange return inside?" Leo asked softly, lying down beside the bottom of the bed, not moving but voice calm.

Mikey nodded, "He said….I need to overcome."

Leo nodded sagely, "He is right Mikey. It is something you need to overcome. The pain from the memories and the anguish and guilt you feel, will fade in time. We are here for you Mikey, we won't hurt you."

"Why did you come back for me? Why? I was gone. I was finally gone. Not needed to exist…and I'm back. Broken. Soulless. What more do you want from me? You bring me here, and now I have to face you!?" Mikey said, a rant starting to build up, repressed emotions and anger starting to surface.

"I waited for you! I begged and screamed and prayed for you to come. And when you would tell me, you were searching. You would find me, that hope, that never ending faith I had in you," he spat out angrily, tears burning in his eyes. "I finally felt it crack. I could always see the good," he whispered softly, "Do you remember that?"

Leo nodded, his heart in his throat as he watched his baby brother finally release these emotions he had repressed for so long.

"I could go on every day, a fucking smile on my face, and the knowledge. The fucking knowledge in my head, that you would come from me. It cracked Leo, the fucking world I saw in grey and white, was now black!!!" Mikey said, and he glanced up, his heart beating painfully in his chest.

"I couldn't. Not anymore. Orange was me. And now I'm back, and I don't want to be. I am not your Mikey. I can't be him!!! My world is black. It shattered apart. You can't fix what is broken Leo, no matter how hard you try to put it back together!" and he turned on his side and sobbed his heart out.

* * *

Leo watched his brother cry his heart out. His hurt and paintore at him and Leo felt like he needed to run. But his little brother needed him!

"I know your world was torn apart. That things changed in that hell hole. I wouldn't deny that you are broken and hurt. But what is broken can be mended Mikey, even if it has a few scars. You will never be the Mikey we would want, but you could be you." Leo said quietly, looking up at the ceiling, thinking about everything that happened since they rescued Mikey.

"I know your scared and frightened. You have every right to be. We are your family and we just want you to be safe. That's why we finally brought you home. You need to heal. But if you think you can't handle it, we can return to the Battle Nexus until you can. Sarila was worried about how you would react," Leo babbled.

Mikey was listening, his eyes drying as he watched Leo speaking. Leo glanced at him, gave a soft smile, "You know...I missed my little brother. But you're alive and I'm thankful. I was glad when Orange took over, and helped you to start to heal. But as good Orange was, he was never you, and we were beginning to think you would never come back."

"Orange left. He said you didn't want him, you wanted me. He couldn't handle it anymore. Not being wanted. So he made me come here." Mikey explained.

Leo cringed at the hurt tone in Mikey's voice, and knew that was because Mikey felt hurt they didn't want Orange.

"I'm sorry Mikey. It's true. We wanted you Mikey. Orange was nice, and learned alot. We did like him, but he was not you. Just bits and pieces of you. We missed you so much, our hearts ached watching Orange interact with us. To see and hear his voice, but be it your voice. It hurt. When you were hurt, or screaming in pain. When you cried from memories that Mikey endured, it nearly killed us. You were broken. And all we wanted was for you to heal and come home. Please Mikey, come out....can you tell me what you do remember?" Leo asked softly.

Mikey shimmied out from under the bed and backed away, "Not sure. Its all jumbled. I remember this is my room. But not. It from so long ago, a memory that is not me. I…" and a flash of Shredder advancing on him lit up in his mind and Mikey scrambled back in fear.

"NO! Please, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'll be good…I'll be good," he said, sobbing.

Leo stood up quickly, moving toward Mikey as he scrambled back, wondering what was wrong. "Mikey!" he called out.

"Not Mikey. Not Mikey. He's gone. I good. Please, don't hurt me!" he begged as he finally hit the wall.

Leo stopped in confusion, '_What was going on? Why was Mikey thinking he was with Shredder? They had just been talking.'_

"No, your Mikey, its okay now. Your safe. Your at home. Your safe," Leo said, reaching down to touch Mikey but flinched when Mikey tensed and looked up blankly. Leo saw his eyes were blank, they were not seeing him.

A flashback.

'_Oh my God, a flashback. What did Sarila say to do?' _Leo knelt down and didn't move. He said softly, "Mikey, its time to wake up. You are not there. Open your eyes, look. No, look around. You are Mikey. You are alive. And you are safe. No one will hurt you, no one will touch you without asking. No one will lay a finger on you in anger." he repeated this for a few minutes before Mikey's blue's eyes cleared.

"L…l..leo?" he whispered, glancing around confused. _Wondering what was going on?_

"Its okay Mikey. You had a flash back but your fine now. Its okay. Are you thirsty?" Leo asked, wincing at the question. He knew Mikey would say no.

"No…no thank you. I'm fine." he said automatically, even though his throat hurt and his mouth was dry.

"Do you feel up to getting up?" Leo asked.

Mikey saw he was sitting on the floor and frowned, wondering if he should get up or not. _Would Leo hurt him? I don't think so….Leo's good right? He wouldn't hurt me._

_**Leo with anger in his face, growling at Splinter. Muttering about the same lessons. Cutting Splinter on his head, anger burning inside.**_

He flinched, "No I am fine here." he said, frowning. _That wasn't Leo. Leo was nice and he liked me. He is my big brother. He wouldn't hurt me….would he?_

Leo could see Mikey was confused, and his memories were still not all back. He bit his lip, not sure what to do next. "I'm hungry. How about some food?"

Mikey heard the small plea in his voice and took it as a command. He quickly scrambled up and hurried to the door, with Leo following behind. Leo was confused as Mikey quickly ignored everyone else and started to look in the fridge for some food.

* * *

"One second, one second," he muttered, hands moving quickly and deftly as he made a large sandwich. Orange briefly helped his nerves, _It is okay. He won't hurt you. He is hungry. Just give him the sandwich and sit down. _

_But what if he is angry? Or I made the wrong food? _Mikey thought frantically as he quickly finished the sandwich.

_He won't. Calm down. They are being very careful. You had a flashback. Not to bad. My last one hurt a lot. Calm, deep breathe, hand it over, and step back. That's it. _Orange said softly, encouraging.

Mikey quickly glanced at Leo who was sitting there, looking confused and hurt. Shame on his face as he was engulfed by questions by everyone else. He didn't touch his sandwich.

_He's not eating it. Is it not good? Aw man, I screwed up._ Mikey thought. He was flustered and wasn't sure what he was doing wrong.

"MIKEY!" he finally heard Raph say, "Sit down," and Mikey immediately sat on the floor.

Raph reached down and said gently, pulling Mikey back up and toward a chair, "You sit in a chair now Mikey. Okay? Your doing fine. You are Mikey. You're fine," he said gently, a encouraging smile on his face.

Mikey nodded, a little confused. Suddenly the door opened and Casey walked in, followed by the red haired woman. "MIKEY?" he heard her call and rush toward him. He tensed up, his emotions suddenly caught up as remembering her.

"_Aw Mikey, its okay, I'll show you how to make it," April said softly, seeing the smaller turtle soaked wet. Helping him in the apartment. Mikey was hurt and concussed. But he remembered her drying him, carefully wrapping his broken wrist up so it stayed straight. And stitching up his head. She even called the guys who were frantic with worry over him. She stayed with him, helping him, until he was better. _

"A…april?" he whispered. Her eyes lit up in excitement, and hugged him enthusiastically. Mikey tensed up, but allowed her to hug him. "I…remember you…" he whispered, feeling strangely emotional.

"I'm glad Mikey." she whispered in his ears, "I'm so glad your home. I missed you."

Mikey nodded and sighed. _He was home. But it felt strange. Like it was all a trick or something. That Shredder would come back and hurt him. Beat him. Give him to his guards. And Mikey knew he didn't want that to happen. He had to be good and listen, or it could all go away….right? This couldn't……was he really home? Was he really going to be okay now??_

He glanced around, still feeling anxious but the knot in his stomach was slowly fading and he smiled slightly when he saw April laughing at something.

He was home….but was it a good thing?


	30. Chapter 30

**Sorry about the long update! Took me forever! LOL, but here it is. I think its pretty good. Kinda long though, but thats to make you all happy. Hope I did alright. Lemme know what you think!!!!**

**REad and REview!**

* * *

Raph noticed a large change in Mikey over the next two weeks. He was hesitant still, at doing things. And tried to do chores, but they managed to convince him not to. The only thing he had to do was keep his room neat.

He still flinched when approached and didn't like loud noises. Or music. He cringed when he remembered Casey coming in babbling about this great new rock band, and then played it in the CD player really loud. It had taken then almost 40 minutes before they found where Mikey hid. When Casey started it, they hadn't noticed at first he was gone. But when they saw the door open, they checked the surveillance videos.

Mikey had ran out and they went searching.

They found him 40 minutes later, shivering but glancing up at the sky through a drain pipe. He was looking at it with such peace on his face. Raph then promised Mikey could come out every night to see the stars and moon.

He nodded silently, following his family home.

* * *

2 months later:

Mikey walked around, feeling anxious for some reason. He didn't understand it. He could sense something was wrong. It was frustrating him.

"Mikey, is something wrong?" Donnie finally asked him.

Mikey glanced up, shrugging. _He didn't know how to explain these feelings. They bothered him, but he didn't know how to speak about something bugging him. It had been too ingrained in him. He was scared to say something was hurting him, bugging him, or even making him uncomfortable. _

_His family told him that he could tell them anything. But when he woke up in the middle of the night, screams coming from his throat, them around him. It truly hurt the young turtle. Reminding him of his capture. Of being tortured, and waking up, thinking he was seeing his family, only to realize it was just imagined….until he finally broke and made them go away. His memories have gotten so much better, he recalled many things, but he remembered more about them…than himself…_

But he never told his family what he went through.

Mikey continued to pace, rubbing his arm agitated. _What was wrong?_

* * *

Don's POV

Don watched his younger brother. It had been 2 days now and Don noticed he was slightly more agitated lately, dark bags under his eyes, and a spark of fear in his eyes. It troubled the brainy turtle, especially since he couldn't figure out what was so wrong.

Don had been helping his younger brother over the last two months. He had gotten better. He talked with them, but was quite nervous all the time. Afraid to do something wrong. When asked to help with something, he had cleaned up before the other person could help.

Don shook his head sadly when he remembered Mikey's panic at seeing another kitten with Angel. It had startled him and brought back memories of a cat he lost but loved dearly. It was almost a week before he once again hid his emotions of that time.

He didn't enter their dojo, never wanting to practice it again. He refused his nunchuks that Splinter tried to return. He stated, "I not want that life any more. I want new life. New me."

So once again they left it till later. Raph had worked with him in regards to practicing some self defence in his room, so Mikey would be able to fight if an attack ever entered their home. Don couldn't believe it as he watched, but he picked it up at an unbelievable record.

Within 2 weeks, he mastered Raphael's fighting style, Don's own style, and even Leo's more elusive training he received when he was in Japan.

But the most surprising was….Mikey beat Splinter 4 times now in their practice….and Mikey was terrified each time he was asked to participate in the sparring. That was when he had broke down and said, "Not fight. Not fight you. I kill you! Please, no more," he sobbed out, seeing Splinter on the ground. He had knocked Splinter hard to the ground and pinned him, before the match was stated he had won. But Mikey broke down.

Leo was horrified by what Mikey said, but they relented and said he no longer had to fight against them anymore. When they saw the pure relief in his eyes, they knew they did the right thing.

But Don didn't understand it, and once again wanted to ask how he could fight like that. Take over each of their skills, but put it off for fear of upsetting Mikey. But right now, Mikey was pacing, worried.

"Mikey, what's wrong? Can you tell me what's bugging you?" Don asked again.

Mikey shrugged, glancing away. He still had a hard time not obeying them when they asked something. But slowly, he learned to get used to not saying things he didn't wish to say.

_Orange hadn't returned for some time, so he was on his own. He was worried, and had no idea on how to tell his problem…. _He walked towards his room, "Don't know Donnie. Don't know," shaking his head in frustration.

He heard Don sigh sadly behind him.

* * *

Mikey's POV

He entered his room, glancing around agitatedly. _ORANGE!!!! _he finally mentally screamed as he glanced around the sparse room. He had taken everything out that was his old life, keeping only a few things. His artwork, pictures and journals. He changed his once messy room into a neat and tidy room.

His brothers had been shocked by it at first. And Mikey had been scared he did something wrong, and started to babble that he would change it back. But father quickly calmed him, saying, 'My son, it is fine you wished for change. It will heal you in the end.'

Mikey calmed a little, remembering his father's words. _Where was Orange? He hadn't returned in so long! I'm confused. What is it that I'm feeling?_

Mikey started to pace the floor, feeling anxious, his stomach tightened and he was feeling scared and apprehensive. Like something was about to happen. _Impending doom! That was what he felt like. _

_But he couldn't trust it! Could he? He always felt this….always….when he would come! But he couldn't come here! Right?! Should I tell them? What should I do?_

"Mikey?" he heard from outside his door, a gentle knock. _It was Leo and Raph. Mikey knew it. He could feel it. Leo's concern, Raph's worry._ Mikey gulped, he didn't want them to come in. _He didn't want them to know!!!_

"Mikey, are you alright?" Leo asked, concerned.

Mikey shook his head, '_No he wasn't alright. He was worried. He was scared. __**He**__ was coming, and he was scared to tell…._'

He had to tell them.

The door opened when he whispered, "Come in," and he watched, cringing away as he stared at them.

"Mikey, what's going on?" Leo asked, his eyes blazing with worry and concern.

"He's coming," Mikey whispered. _He didn't want them to know. He didn't want them to know how he knew, how he could sense it. How he could know what day it was when he came. He didn't know why. He didn't understand it. But he was coming_. And his stomach clenched up, tightening tightly.

"Who's coming?" Raph asked, a little tensed, but making his body relax. He knew Mikey didn't like it when he saw Raph mad. It reminded him too much of his captors.

"Him!" Mikey said, shrugging, wanting to tell them. But he couldn't utter the words. "The bad man. Metal man!" he finally said, tensing, almost in tears.

"_**What?" **_Leo blurted out, "_How do you know that_?" he asked, stepping forward.

_That was a mistake._

Mikey cringed back in fear, back-pedalling fast, hitting the wall, startle by Leo's intensity.

"Woah, Leo, hold up. Check your voice," Raph said sharply enough for Leo to understand. Raph had seen the sudden fear on Mikey's face, the instant back-pedal, and the flinch.

Leo blushed and held his hands up, "Mikey, I'm sorry. Its just….I…I wasn't ready for that… can you explain?" He saw Mikey against the wall, trembling.

Mikey shook his head, he didn't want to explain. _He was ashamed, and scared. He didn't want to cause more pain! _

"Please Mikey," Leo said, softly, sitting nearby, relaxing his body like Raph did. He hadn't know it but it helped Mikey relax.

"Metal Man….he come….he hurt me…. Don't know…always know when come…. When he visit….I just know….I scared….he coming here… I can feel…I can…" he shook his head, frustrated in his knowledge, in his words. "He coming. I know he is." Mikey was still tense, rubbing his arms, like he was cold...his skin slightly more pale then it should be, but the stress of the last few days had taken a toll.

Leo nodded, and tilted his head down, thinking of what Mikey told him. "This feeling," he started, glancing up at Mikey, "-what is it exactly?"

Mikey paled, and whispered, "Fear….shame….despair…." and his eyes grew blank, flashes of memories coming, he curled up, trembling. _The feelings bombarding him, making him remember the cell, the darkness. The light flickering on. He whimpered, the tense feelings of emotions rolled inside of him. _

Raph moved closer, slowly, gently placing a hand on Mikey, ignoring the sudden tense of skin, whispering, "Its 'kay Mikey…You're safe now. You're safe. They ain't no monsters here…. Look at me. Ya safe. Ya home. Ain't no one gonna hurt ya! I promise!"

Mikey slowly eased in his trembling, eyes clearing. He was slightly confused, and glanced up. He saw Raph there, "Real….right?" he asked desperately, wanting to make sure it wasn't a nightmare.

"Real Mikey, and I'm right 'ere!" Raph said, slowly hugging Mikey. He nodded to Leo, who immediately got up, moving fast but flinched at Raph's glare. He had moved too fast and startled Mikey, who was hiding his face in Raph's arms. He nodded again, leaving.

************

Leo hurried to Splinters room, "Master Splinter, we got a problem."

"What seems to be the problem?" Splinter asked, curious. He had noticed Mikey's earlier agitation and hoped to find an answer soon.

"It's Mikey….Sensei, he told me Shredder's coming. That he's coming here." Leo said quickly.

Splinter inhaled sharply, "And he is sure of this?"

"He had a small flashback in the room during our talk. He explained that he could sense when Shredder came to visit him. That he got this feeling. He's feeling it now. Which is odd, since we haven't had any contact with the Foot since we returned," Leo said worried, his face serious, "We need to leave. Move to our alternate home…."

"I see. Do you know if Michelangelo remembers that home?" Splinter asked, slightly worried about his youngest state of mind.

"I don't know Sensei, but he is clearly troubled by this one. Sensei, we need to leave. Start a new life for now. Maybe it would give Mikey better memories, if we started over in a new lair?" Leo proposed.

Splinter sighed, "But what about his other memories, the ones he is missing?"

"Mas-…No, Father. You know this as well as I do….Mikey may never regain all of his memories. You know this… We have Mikey now. Let's take care of him…" Leo said, wanting Splinter to understand, "We have been hurt by Shredder father. And it tore Mikey apart. Made him split his personality up, so he could survive. He's alive. He may not be our Mikey we had before. But he is our Mikey now. Let go of Mikey' s ghost. I know you miss him."

Splinter eyes filled, grief settling in his bones, in his heart. He bowed his head. He had prayed for Michelangelo's recovery. He felt rage and anger at Shredder for destroying his family. He wished for vengeance, for payback. He had lost his most precious son, in a horrible way. He had despaired ever regaining their Michelangelo.

But then, their Michelangelo came back, regained some memories. But he was no longer the same as he was. He retained this more innocent aura around him, this childish way of him. He had questioned Donatello about it, they all had. Donatello explained that the way Mikey's brained work, was that of a younger self. His self esteem was gone, as well as his view of the world. His memories were vague, distant. Even with counselling, Mikey may understand how to act his age, but right now, his mind is still of that in the cell.

When Mikey received a flashback, his talking usually regressed. He started to talk in broken sentences, much as a child would do, or how Orange talked. It comforted the turtle because he remembered Orange…and it gave him some comfort.

It could take years for the damage to leave him. But he was making great progress. He learned the rules of the household, learned not to take every comment seriously. That one had been hard, since they liked to be sarcastic when they were relaxed. Sometimes when Leo fought with Raph, he would run to his room, but other then that, he was slowly relaxing around them.

Leo got up, "I'll tell everyone to pack Sensei. We must leave!"

Splinter nodded, "Yes my son." He stood up and started for his room, quickly packing items that he cared about, memories, and photos. He glanced at a photo he took of Michelangelo 2 weeks before he was captured. He had did a prank on his brothers. They were chasing him. And he had a wide grin on his face.

That was his son…..before….

His son now, so different. So quiet and clean. He no longer did pranks, which made the lair a tense place. No more innocent laughter like he used to do. It hurt his weary heart, knowing the son he missed wasn't there.

* * *

4 weeks later:

Mikey sat outside, hiding in a tree. He watched the sun as it set, feeling strangely at peace. He didn't understand why he felt at ease here. He asked if he came here before, but then they all looked sad. He was confused about it. And didn't understand the unhappy faces.

"Mikey, its time to come in," Don called up from below. Mikey nodded, quickly jumping from branch to branch, easily getting down. Don smiled when he saw it. Mikey had been scared at first about going up in a tree, but once he got over it, he was always climbing up one.

"So, did you enjoy the sunset?" Don asked, walking beside him.

Mikey nodded, "Yes, very much. It was….tranquil.." he said with a frown, "Peaceful…is right word?" he asked, a little confused.

Don smiled, "Yes, both words were accurate. What would you like to do tonight? Raph and Leo wanted to practice their katas. Would you like to join us?"

Mikey bit his lip, a part of him screaming 'NO' but another wanting to scream 'YES'. "I not fight….for real?" trying to make sure it wasn't real. That he would have to kill.

Don blanched, shaking his head, "No Mikey, not for real. I promise! Its just practice fighting…so we can defend ourselves…."

Mikey nodded, remaining quiet as he followed Don, watching curiously. He saw Leo and Raph doing their Kata's. In sync with each other, blocking, kicking, moving almost like water. Like a dance. It was very therapeutic.

"I do that to?" he asked in awe.

Don smiled, "Yes, if you want to."

"I want to," Mikey said, looking eager, "No weapons though."

Don nodded, "Agreed," and then took position.

Leo and Raph stopped when they saw Mikey take his place on the mats. They watched in happiness as Mikey took point, and Don started the moves. They were slow at first. Mikey was unused to katas, but his body had been wired since his toddlers years, and he easily fell back in place.

He quickly mastered the basics, quickly moving to more complex moves. Leo watched in awe as Mikey, his baby brother, work at complex moves he even had trouble with.

"How is he doing that? That last one…I haven't mastered it yet….that….that was one from the Ancient One!" Leo said, realizing where he had seen it before, he glanced at Splinter.

Splinter nodded his head, "Michelangelo had a few lessons when the Ancient One visited us from before. He had seen Michelangelo's potential and saw the flaws I was doing. Michelangelo taunted the Ancient One, stating that he could not teach him moves that he would not master within the day…The Ancient One was in quite a surprise." and smiled at Don was quickly knocked down.

Mikey looked horrified at making his brother fall, "I'm sorry Donnie. I won't do it again," worried.

"Its okay Mikey. I wanted you to be able to do those moves. I won't be able to learn how to counter them, if you don't do them." Don said, explaining why.

Mikey nodded, and started again, his face thoughtful. _I know this. I know this….its something…I used to do this before….It…Its fun. Peaceful….like that sunset. Everyone looks so happy. They watch…and not get mad at me… I like this….its not real fight…_

He moved quickly, swift and silent, as he fought back. He quickly knocked Don back down, and realized it was alright. He could see what Don did wrong, and wondered how he could tell him. He cocked his head to the side when he stopped and watched Raph and Leo fighting. He could see their mistakes and wondered if he should say anything about it.

After their practice, he hurried off to his tree, watching the stars come out. He ignored his growling stomach, he wasn't hungry. _He didn't want to go back to the house and eat. He wanted to stay outside. _

"Mikey, come on in…its time to eat." Raph called below him. Mikey sighed, started to feel a little frustrated. _He just wanted to be by himself!_

Jumping down, he walked along with Raph, wondering what he could do to get them to realize he was alright.

"Mikey how come your always runnin' off?" Raph asked. He was a little worried.

Mikey sighed, "I like being outside. It…nice. Peaceful. I do not want be trapped inside again." he explained.

Raph was startled by that statement. _Mikey thought he was being trapped inside?_ _What made him think that?_ "Mikey, why?"

"Why what?" Mikey asked confused. _What was wrong with Raph?_

"Why do you feel trapped?" Raph asked again, stopping Mikey before they walked inside.

Mikey shrugged, "I like outside. Air is clean. Fresh. We can't do this. Not in New York. We only go out at night. I like the sun. I be in the dark too much."

Raph sighed, understanding clearly what Mikey was saying. "Alright Mikey, its alright, but how about next time, we have lunch and supper outside? And maybe we can go on a camping trip."

Mikey beamed, excited and started smiling happily, "Really? You mean it!? We can sleep outside, and go camping like those books! We can even roast marshmallows?"

Raph smiled, resolving to make sure it would happen. He hadn't seen Mikey this excited in quite some time. It reminded him of the Mikey before… "Yes Mikey, let me talk to everyone else tonight, we'll try to set something up."

Mikey nodded, still trying to check his emotions in, but he was too happy. The smile on his face stayed on throughout dinner, and Mikey quickly waved bye as he climbed up to the attic and crawled out onto the roof. _He loved watching the stars. They were beautiful. _

* * *

Downstairs, Raph was explaining everything to his family. "Mikey really would like ta go on a camping trip. That's why he was so happy."

"We can do that. I think April had some camping gear sent up here a few years ago. It might still be here," Casey said smiling, "And I'll go run to the store and get some supplies."

"Make sure you get a few bags of marshmallows. He was excited about roasting them. He read a book about it." Raph said smiling. He could almost feel Mikey coming back.

Splinter nodded, "Yes, and grab a few extra items. Here is a small list. It is needed. Also, Please grab a flashlight as well."

Don piped up, "Also, grab a map. And the flashlight brand you should buy should be a windup one because it would last a lot longer especially since batteries run out. A few comics might be good if you want."

Everyone nodded and Raph, Leo and Don set out to find the camping gear. Splinter looked around, noticing the absence of his youngest son. Heading toward the doorway, he saw Raph walking up to him.

"Um sensei…" he said hesitantly, "I think…I think we gotta problem with Mikey."

Splinter frowned, worry crept into his heart, "About what my son?"

Raph glanced at the roof and motioned for his father to follow.

Splinter followed reluctantly at first, but his curiosity was peaked and continued on. They had reached the barn and Splinter could see Michelangelo on the rooftop of the house. _He could fall off._

Raph said a little frustrated. He enjoyed fighting crime like he had, but he was unsure about it all. "Um, well, its like this. Mikey. He's feeling trapped. All of tha time. He don't like livin' in the sewers. He says he been in tha dark too long. He likes watching tha sun. Watch the stars come out. He says tha we can't do this in New York. I think…I think we need to talk about some things."

Ever since Mikey had been taken so many months ago. The only thought in his mind was getting Mikey back after he had been captured. Then they found him, rescued him, but Mikey was messed up. He wasn't Mikey. He wasn't….all there.

When they went to the Battle Nexus, he could see parts of Mikey. Small bits that made up him. But then he got kidnapped again, and Orange had retained control. They had been there close to 6 months helping Mikey. When they got to the lair, it seemed that Mikey would always be gone…till he started to remember. They finally got some Mikey back.

That was 3 and half months ago. 3 months ago, Mikey's emotions played a large part about who he was now.

And when he started acting different, a month and a half ago, they knew they had to talk to him. Then Mikey told them about Shredder, the 'Metal Man' and shuddered when he recalled Mikey's voice as he repeated the evil man's nick name Mike had given him before.

They had to leave again! Again because of Shredder….they had been on the farm for a month now….and Mikey spent so much time outdoors.

Raph started to pace, recalling that was something Leo did a lot of. "I mean....its Mikey. I know...I know he's messed up sensei. That...he's damaged in more ways than I can figure...but it hurts so much.....if we gotta retire....if its best for Mikey.....then...what will we do?"

Splinter remained silent, realizing what Raphael had figured out. Michelangelo probably would never fight again, because of his forced fighting at the hands of Shredder. Having to fight, to use his skills, to develop his families skills, had fractured that part of him. Making him almost fearful of protecting himself.

They might have to retire. They didn't want to leave out their youngest brother, but he probably wouldn't return with them on their nightly runs, fighting crime, the Foot.

Splinter said sadly, "We may have to make a decision about this Raphael. You are correct in your assumption. But this is a family decision. We cannot forget our duties, but what we did in the past, may not be right for our future. Michelangelo was injured because we involved ourselves in helping humans with their fight against crime. Maybe we should take a step back awhile longer." He knew his sons missed going topside, to help against the tidal of crime that seemed to build up.

"I know tha Sensei….I just wonder…what will we do now?" Raph asked, feeling a little lost himself.

"Only time will tell my son," Splinter said sadly.

They turned and headed back to the house. Raph glanced up and saw Mikey's silhouette was no longer on the roof and was perplexed, but hearing Don and Leo arguing in the living room, became distracted.

* * *

Meanwhile, hiding in the shadows of the barn, stood Mikey, waiting. He had heard Raph telling Splinter about his feelings. How he was concerned about him.

_Why do they care so much about what happens to me? I'm their brother, but they fought for years on helping humans. April is not bad. Casey….he's good to. But he is too….much like Raph. _

_I don't understand why they want me to remember it all….when Metal Man came…made me choose who…it hurt. I remember Metal Man games. I remember having to choose a colour. I don't know how I know their moves. _

Images, laughter, taunts and cries echoed in his head and he shuddered in the sudden remembrance.

_What was Mikey like?_

_He found himself questioning who he was before. He could remember some stuff. Things like pranks. Laughter. Playing. Video games. But was that who he was? He couldn't remember Mikey as a child. Or as a pre-teen. He could remember snippets of him. Remember the nunchuks. When he first got them….but Mikey, as himself, it was all a blur. Their Mikey. The one they remembered, was someone he couldn't remember. _

_He hated that he couldn't remember everything. That there was something he was missing. He had watched them all before, an ache inside, remembering when he had joined in. When he had laughed and teased, but in the brief flash of memories, it faded just as quickly. Becoming a blur to his mind. _

_What had the Metal Man done to his mind? To make it so…broken? _He shivered. _Violent images sprang up in his mind. Being held down, his cries. His pleas. Crying in pain. PAIN. Taunting. Hurt. BURNING….shame…guilt….alone…._

He shuddered again, ducking behind a stall in the barn, shivering as he recalled some events. He shook his head, _No, I don't want to remember that…._Tears built up in his eyes. Slowly falling down his cheeks…._Why can't I remember them….like they remember me???_

Mikey stood up, and quickly heading to the lake, sitting beside it. _Could he return to their life? Could he be their Mikey? Would he ever remember their Mikey?_

_He sat there, wishing for a place among them again….it was so different now…._

"Mikey?" Casey called out, walking toward the lake before he spotted the young turtle.

"Yes Casey?" he asked wearily, suddenly feeling tired.

Casey walked toward him, a small smile on his face, "You'se a'ight?"

Mikey sighed, and stood up, "You know Mikey? Yes?" he asked, curious.

Casey nodded, "Ya, I know you!"

Mikey shook his head, frowning, "No…I…" he bit his lip, "I not Mikey….not Mikey before…did you know Mikey before?"

Casey sighed, nodding, "Ya…I knew ya before…your diff'ent now…not like before."

Mikey nodded, and said after a moment silence, "Can you tell me about Mikey?"

* * *

**_Any ideas for memories...ideas for pranks or anything, pulled on Casey, April...or even Raphie boy. Just need some help with it. Hope you like it. Got an idea for the next scenes but need some help. LOL. Oh, huge April sence in the next chapter._**

**_Read, Review, and enjoy!_**


	31. Chapter 31

Casey was startled by the request, and frowned in thought. _Why wuz Mikey wanting to know about Mikey? It don't make any sense!? _

"Why?" Casey finally asked, "I mean, doncha know?"

Mikey shook his head, slowly. Casey watched as Mikey's confused eyes focused on him. "I know me. The Mikey I am now. Their Mikey. The Mikey they want, is not me. They want the old me. They want me to join them in fighting, on runs. They want me to laugh and have fun. Play pranks. I don't remember that. I remember glimpses. Scenes from years ago," Mikey tried to explain in a rush.

"Like what?" Casey asked.

Mikey shrugged, "I remember laughing at Raph. He was looking angry. I ran. I do not know why. I want to know how to laugh. I want to know that Raph. He is not same like I remember. He is different."

Casey nodded, _That's true. Raph changed a lot in the past year. _"Well, ya, that's wuz because youse wuz gone and he hadta try to find you."

Mikey shook his head rapidly, "No. He not. He have anger. Sadness. He used to be passion. Fire. That gone now," he said sadly, "Raph, he not fire no more."

Casey was confused, and asked, "What do you mean fire?"

Mikey shrugged, "Don't know….I'm gonna go," he said, before jumping up and turning to leave.

Casey grabbed his arm, forgetting not to grab, and saw Mikey flinch back startled. He let go just as fast but asked, "Mikey, Please, tell me? How is Raph like fire?"

Mikey shrugged, "He like fight. He like red. Fire. Passion. The flame grow, anger grow, passion grow. In his blood, to fight, to protect. No fire now. Little fire."

And he quickly left.

Casey sat there, confused. He thought about what Mikey said, trying to figure out what it was that was bugging him.

Finally he sighed, he would talk with April, that would help.

* * *

Mikey ran into the woods again, scaling the big tree quickly. He sat there, watching the sky, trying to organize his thoughts.

_Why can't I remember their Mikey? It's me. But its all messed up. I want be him. He is the one they want. I don't understand. Why do they want to quit? Did they want to leave? Did they do all this for him?_

Mikey sighed, feeling a sadness well up inside him, "I…just want them happy…" he said out loud, oblivious to his surroundings.

Mikey was lost in his thoughts. He closed his eyes, to try to remember their Mikey.

"_Com'n Raphie! Don't just stand there, get me!" Mikey screamed in laughter. _

"_Nah Mike, I'm gonna sit right here and tear up your comics!" Raph said smirking reaching for the comics that had been left on the coffee table. _

_Mikey shrieked, moving really fast toward his books, "Don't you touch that!"_

_Raph burst out into laughter as Mikey had jumped over the railing and slipped and slid into the wall. "Nice one Doofus," he said, shaking his head. He stood up, and walked over, helping Mikey up, "Com'n, you know I would neva do nuthin' to ya comic books."_

"_Sorry Raphie," Mikey said with a small smile. _

_Raphie had laughed for the first time that week. The fall had been worth it. _

Mikey heard his name called out from a distant and woke up with a start. He yelped as he felt himself shift wrong on the branch he had been sitting on, and felt himself falling. He tried to grab onto some branches but he fell straight down with a small shriek.

He grunted as he hit the ground with a loud THUD.

Sitting up, he checked his skin, seeing new scratches and gashes. He winced as he stood up, that had hurt. _Maybe I should not sleep in trees. Could fall,_ he thought ruefully as he headed for the farmhouse.

"Hey Mike, we're almost ready to head out, we still need to start to pack up supplies, and--" but his voice faltered when he saw the new bruises and scratches on him, "Mike, what happened to you?" Don asked concerned.

"Nothing. I ok. I help pack too?" Mikey asked, suddenly nervous. He didn't like a lot of attention or when they tried to touch or hug him. It made him nervous.

"No Mikey, you know your not allowed to help out with stuff like that," Don said, about to touch Mikey's arm but noticed the flinch. _Months ago, when Mikey had remembered about everything. He got into the habit of doing everything for everyone. Especially when they mentioned it in passing to someone else, and he overheard. He would go and do it before they had a chance to._

_So they made it a rule, Mikey had no chores right now. Mikey had no expectations for him to do more and more stuff. They slowly allowed him to keep his room tidy, and pick up dishes at meal times. And they even let him do the dusting._

_Once, Splinter had written down a chore list for the three of them, and Mikey had read it, and over night, all of the chores had been done. Mikey was laying in the corner, fallen asleep._

_When they questioned him, he immediately started to apologize, but everyone reacted to it differently. Making Mikey panic even more in the confusion._

_Finally, he had turned and they found him and explained their concerns. They finally conceded that Mikey needed to feel useful so they gave him some chores they thought he would handle, and Mikey was content. _

Don thought about that briefly, before concentrating on Mikey now.

"Its okay, com'n, lets get you cleaned up," Don said, waving Mikey to the house.

Mikey bit his lip, nodding. He walked in the house and was suddenly hounded by questions about his injuries and was feeling himself getting more anxious. He tensed up and flinched away when April tried to touch him, and jumped when the door opened.

"Guys, ease up, its just a few scratches, he's fine," Don said, knowing Mikey hated so much attention.

They backed up, and after confirming he wasn't badly hurt, they backed up. Mikey was left alone with Don and slowly relaxed. Don quietly cleaned the small injuries, put ointment on them, and slowly bandaged them up.

After he was done, he stepped back. Mikey sat there waiting, silently. Don frowned, _something was going on in Mikey's head. But what? He watched him, seeing Mikey's eyes occasionally glance at him, waiting for something. And his shoulders dropped each time he looked away. Why? _"Mikey, what's wrong?" Don finally asked, "Did you hurt anything else?"

Mikey shook his head_. He didn't know if they knew, but they always gave cues on what to do next. It was only when he didn't see them, was when he went outside usually. Or they let him go outside_. He sighed, glancing at Don again, getting a little nervous as Don stared at him.

"No, I okay," Mikey replied.

"Its, 'I'm okay or I am okay,' Mikey. You know that, remember your sentence fragments. Alright?" Don said, gently correcting his little brother. This was another thing they had been working on. Mikey's wording. He was quite used to using sentence fragments, and that was due to the torture and abuse he had gone through, but with gentle corrections, he was getting better with each day.

"I am okay," Mikey repeatedly dutifully. He sat there, still checking for cues, but there was nothing. He was slowly getting impatient.

"Was there nothing else?" Don asked, "You know, you can go if you want to. Just no more climbing trees till tomorrow, okay?"

_Finally!_ Mikey thought, nodding his head, he quickly headed toward his room in the loft they made him. He settled down on the bed, watching the night sky through the skylight. He fell asleep.

_The Metal Man chuckled as he walked inside the cell. "So Turtle, what should we do today?"_

_He whimpered as he got closer, the Metal Man's fingers digging into his cheeks. "Should we fight?"_

_He trembled. _

"_Should I give you to the guards and watch?"_

_He started to shake more. Tears were building. _

"_Should I let you go?"_

_He broke out into sobs, his tears building so fast, so quickly, he tried to hide it. _

"_That's what I should do. I shall let you go. If you can tell me who you are." The Metal Man said, kicking him hard against the plastron. _

_He wheezed. Thinking frantically. All he knew was colours. What colours was he? Was he Blue? Red? Purple or Orange? Who was he? Why was he staying here? Why was this man hurting him so much. _

_Suddenly White hot fire engulfed him, and he screamed and convulsed on the floor, shrieking as the electricity coursed through his abused and damaged body. When it was done, he whimpered, body twitching with each breathe. And it happened again. He screamed. Over and over. _

_Finally he was done. The Metal Man stood up in front of him, "What colours were there?"_

_He mumbled, "What colours?" _

_The dreaded stick touch his neck this time, and he felt the darkness slowly creeping in. Suddenly it was gone and he was left shaky, he had pissed himself, and he was sobbing and convulsing with each twitch. He felt hands grip his thin arms painfully. He felt himself being dragged. _

_He was thrown to the ground with a thud. He groaned. He was cold and alone. He looked around, seeing he was outside for the first time since his capture. He could see the lights of outside, the black sky. The clouds. He could feel the wind and the wetness of the cement underneath him. _

_He was free. _

_He groaned as he tried to get up, freezing when he heard Metal Man whisper from the shadows. "You have 2 minutes to try to get up and go to the end of the alley and I will let you go free. If not, you belong to me!"_

_He tried. He knows he tried. He started to crawl. Feeling his legs and arms wobble, trying to hold his body up. Trying to crawl to the alley. He was so close. _

_It was just ahead. _

_Almost there. _

_When he felt a hand grab his ankle, pulling him back. He cried out in desperation, trying to break free from the iron grip on his ankle. He felt the tears build up. _

_Suddenly. _

_It was dark, he was alone. It was cold. And in his cell. _

_He sobbed. He had been so close. He wanted out. Then the lights went on. And he cried out, covering his eyes, cringing at seeing the Doctors in front of him. He whimpered when he was told to get up, to follow them. _

_He couldn't remember before. He remembered laughter. But what was it now? He remembered love? But what was love? He remembered happy. He had been happy before. Now it hurt so much just to open his eyes. _

_He felt himself being strapped to a metal table and he started to shiver in reaction. His eyes glazed over as the procedures started and he knew no more. _

_He was thrown back into his cell. He landed with a thud, his shell making a strange clapping sound as it hit the wall. He whimpered. It was dark, and he was cold. _

_He cried….._

He whimpered, curling in on himself on the bed. When he felt it underneath him, he gasped, moving quickly, scrambling into the corner, terrified and confused.

_No BED, no! Bad!! BAD! NO! NO T'Yuin! NO! HIDE! HIDE!_

He took deep rapid breaths, trying to remain focussed on what was going on. He could hear footsteps running to his room and he felt the panic and terror rise inside of him.

_Metal Man is coming_. _Hide!!! NO! T'Yuin come!! NO!!! HIDE! WHERE!? THERE!_

He looked around, spotting a closet and lunged toward it, scrambling inside. He heard the door open as soon as he closed the closet.

"Mikey?" he heard, a voice frantic.

He tried to control his breathing, to remain quiet.

_Be silent....fade into the surroundings... be silent...fade into the backround.....silent....where come from....._

"Mike, its okay. You're safe now. There isn't a bad man around. Come on out. You're home now…." the voice said to him.

_Home? What was home? _Memories tumbled around and he slowly remembered he was on the Farm. He was in his room. He was safe.

"Blue?" he whimpered, a little apprehensive. It sounded like Blue, but was it?

"Yes Mike, its Leo. Blue. Come on out, you're safe," he said softly.

Mikey opened the closet, relaxing when he saw Leo standing there. He quickly moved to Leo, wanting comfort.

"What happened Mikey?" Leo asked concerned.

"M…Memory…" he cried.

"Can you tell me of what?" Leo asked, tightening his hold on the younger turtle.

Mikey shook his head quickly, he didn't like remembering.

"Its okay to talk about it Mikey. One way to slowly get past the pain and anguish is to talk about it. Its gets easier over them," Leo explained.

"Hurts Leo. I not like the memories. Why can't they go away? I want them to go away!" Mikey said, sitting up and wiping his eyes.

Leo sat back, and watched Mikey as he calmed himself down. "Is that what you are doing? Trying not to remember?"

Mikey sniffled, nodding. "I want to remember you guys. I do. But I remember Metal Man…." Mikey trembled, "and the things there….and then…a fog….I can't get outta it…I can't be your Mikey. I'm sorry."

Leo shook his head, "Why do you want to be our Mikey? You can just be you."

Mikey shook his head, "NO!" he stated, a little anger in his voice, "You want Mikey. Your Mikey. Not me. You want me to be like him. But he's gone. I not know how to be like him. I remember bits, and pieces of him. But I can't be him!"

"Why not?" Leo asked, "He was you at one time!" puzzled.

Mikey sighed, covering his face, trying to get his emotions in check. "Mikey before…he would not…I remember…things…" he stopped, wondering how to explain. "I don't know how to be him. It too hard. He gone. Please. Be me. I want be me!"

Leo nodded, "I know. Mikey, we do miss the Mikey you were before. But we understand and accept he is gone. You don't have to be him. We all want you to just be you," Leo said gently, touching Mikey's cheek softly, "I'm sorry you feel that you have to be the Mikey you were before. Its hard sometimes, to see you how you are now. To see you too scared to fight. To see you timid. To watch as you exhaust yourself trying to do our work. To see you obey commands and cues when you shouldn't have to. It hurts Mikey. We want to help you. You don't have to obey us. You're allowed to be angry. To yell and scream. You're allowed to say No."

Mikey shook his head, eyes widening at the thought of not obeying their cues. _He knew? He knew I obeyed that? _"H…How?" he stammered.

Leo sighed, "I can see you. I see you watching us carefully. I saw you today, trying to watch Donnie for a clue to leave. But he didn't give you one. And it wasn't until he said you could leave, is when you left. Mikey, I don't know if you know this," he started, "But you do not have to obey us like that. You are allowed to say No. You are allowed to say Stop. We will not hurt you. We will never harm you."

Mikey shook his head denying it.

Leo continued, "I know you are scared to disobey. A curse from the Shredder hurting you," but his voice faded as he saw Mikey tense up, eyes widened and glazed.

Leo cursed at himself as he moved toward Mikey.

_Another flashback....I will defeat you Shredder, I vow to that!! _Leo thought as he moved Mikey gently beside him.

Mikey sat there, his body tense.

A flashback….

_"Leave me the Hell alone Shredder, I ain't telling you where my family is!!" he snarled. His leg was broken, and his ribs were either cracked or broken. He spat on Shredder, glaring at him with hatred. _

"_The family that hasn't come to rescue you? Why are you even protecting them? They haven't come for you. You are a liability. You are nothing to them." Shredder said, a smirk in his voice, "You have been here, in the same location for three weeks now, and even I am surprised those terrapins haven't come for you. Is it because you made them angry? Could they have seen you have no worth as part of the team?"_

_Mikey tried to glare, but the ever amounting self worth he felt with his family grew slightly. His fears that he wasn't worth anything in his family. _

"_There have been no break-ins. No alarms going off. All the entrances have no show of anyone, human or animal, breaking in. You are alone. You belong to me now. They haven't come for you. Because you know," Shredder said grinning, walking closer, whispering in his ear, "You are worth nothing!"_

_Mikey shook his head, "They haven't come for me because they haven't found me yet! They want me, they love me!!!"_

"_Would you like some water?" Shredder said smoothly. He produced a water bottle, and handed it to Mikey. Mikey grasped it, uncertain and confused. Glancing at the water bottle, checking to see if it had been opened, or tampered with, he saw nothing. It was nothing. The water, looked like water, and the lid hasn't even been twisted off. Checking carefully for a little hole, he found nothing. _

"_Why are you giving me water?" Mikey asked still hesitating. He wanted it. He wanted the water badly. His thirst for it, his need for it, made it even more tempting. But this was Shredder. Why would Shredder give him water?_

"_I do not want you to die quite yet. I am still waiting for your family to come, but if you do not want it, that can be arranged," and the bottle of water was twisted from his hands. _

"_NO, no," Mikey said, trying to reach out, but his body suddenly protested as he moved both his broken leg and pulled at his ribs. He cried out as he was suddenly in the darkness. He whimpered, wondering where his family was. _

_Soon, his eyes closed despite trying to stay awake. _

_Soon, he woke up again, this time, his body was still in pain. But it was different. His leg, the constant agony in his leg he had felt for a long time, was different. Glancing down, he saw it was wrapped up, and straightened. Frowning in confusion. He sat up, and saw Shredder talking with Dr. Stockman. _

"_So, is the stuff ready for shipment?" came Shredders voice. _

"_Yes, as long as those blasted turtles leave this shipment alone. I don't understand why they are suddenly more aggressive on the streets. It must have to do with this turtle disappearance," Stockman said walking toward the turtle, "When will I have permission to dissect this brat?" a smooth hand touching his plastron. Mikey fought not to react and show he was awake. "Why did I have to fix his leg anyway?"_

"_We fixed his leg because I am going to break him. In the end, he will be nothing. And Stockman, I want you to continue with your experiments."_

"_Thank you Master," Stockman said with a grin. Mikey heard the door open and close, Shredder had left. Suddenly, Mikey felt smooth steel along his plastron, and his eyes opened in a panic as he tried to move away, suddenly realizing he was strapped down. _

"_NO!" he screamed as the scalpel cut into his plastron. He screamed._

Mikey screamed as Leo touched his arm, and he tried to move back. _It all happened in seconds, the memories cascading in his head. He could hear Leo's voice vaguely, trying to bring him back. He could feel the steel scalpel digging into his plastron, smoothly cutting into it. The pain. The screams. The constant burning pain he felt as it cut into him. _

"NOOOOOO" he screamed again, and then tried to bolt out of the room when April and Casey, followed by Don, Raph and Splinter came into his room, blocking his exit. The fear built up, and he faltered, scrambling back, feeling Leo's arm snake around him, trying to calm his down. He whimpered.

"Its okay Mikey. Its alright. You are not there. You are at the farmhouse. This is just a flashback. You are safe. Safe. Look at us, you are safe. We are right here, beside you. This is real. Safe." Leo said over and over, trying to break through the glazed look in his eyes.

Mikey sobbed....his eyes slowly clearing from the flashback fog he was in, "Safe?"

Leo replied in a firm but gentle voice, "You are safe Mikey, safe. Look at us, we're here. You are safe!"

Mikey closed his eyes, finally relaxing in Leo's arms, "Safe?"

"Yes Mikey, safe. Look, open your eyes. We are all here. You are not alone. You are in your room at the farmhouse. You are safe," Leo said, slowly cajoling Mikey into opening his eyes.

"_Home?" _he asked quietly.

"Yes, this is Home now," Leo replied, sadness in his face.

Mikey relaxed, he listened to Leo's heartbeat as he laid on him, slowly drifting off to sleep. He could hear his family talking nearby but he was exhausted. He slept.

* * *

After a brief moment of silence.

"I think… I think Raph is right," Leo said finally. He glanced down at his sleeping brother. _He knew it in his heart that he was right. That Raph had the right idea. They had to stop. _

_They needed to. _

"You actually sayin' I wuz right? About what?" Raph said shocked.

Leo nodded and said softly, not wanting to wake up Mikey. "You are. Mikey needs to retire. We can't let him be alone in the lair, if we go back, and coming home injured like we can get. Its not good for Mikey. Its like he's still a kid or something. We… we have to retire."

Splinter sighed, "I know this as well my son. Michelangelo's state is still fragile, and I know he needs time to heal. He has gone a long way to the way he was, but he still struggles."

"So its all done. We ain't gunna fight no more," Raph asked, feeling strangely defeated.

Don broke out, "But what about the future!? What about the future I saw???" Don said, thinking back in anguish at the future he had visited. _The bleak future he had visited, with Splinter dead, Raph and Leo fighting, Casey dead, and Shredder taking over. Of Mikey so angry and different. It was horrible._

Splinter sighed at Donatello, seeing the pain and grief in his eyes clearly. "We will defeat Shredder once and for all before we retire. Michealngelo needs to heal some more, once he is okay with us fighting, we shall go and take back his honour as well as defeat that evil man," Splinter said angrily, gripping his cane tightly.

"But what about Mikey? Will he eva heal?" Casey asked, "He asked me sumthin earlier. I told April, but maybe you should know to," Casey said a little nervous. All eyes were on him.

He took a deep breathe and said, "Mikey asked me to tell him about himself. Like the way he wuz before. Ya know, before his capture. He said he 'members some things, but its like all a fog. He can't 'member much about the old Mikey. He know that's who you all want back. That wuz who you missed."

"But he will never be that Mikey again. What the Asshole did ta him, changed him. He is who he is. Ain't nothing gonna change that," Raph said hotly.

Casey shook his head, "I know that, but he says you all changed. You Raph he was focussed on. He said you were like Fire. That there is only a small fire now. It don't make much sense ta me, but April explained it."

April spoke, voice smooth as she explained, "Mikey has regressed in his behaviour. When it comes to what he is doing now, is basically done by cues that everyone does, until he's outside. Even now, he'll wait until he's 'allowed' to go outside by watching us. That is how he learns. Like a child," April began, "What he knows though, is before. He was laughter, fun, carefree. He was the one who helped you relax, laugh, and have fun. Now that he's here, and better, he's not the same. The memories he had of before are fragments," she explained.

Don nodded, understanding, "So when he asked Casey who he was before, it was because the memory he does have of that Mikey, are bits and pieces. Not the whole thing. But the conditioning he received at the hand of Shredder tore it all up anyway."

April nodded, "Exactly. Mikey does need patience and understanding. He will have flashback due to his system having LSD in it. That causes flashbacks, like tonight. But the memories, he may gain control of whole memories, but he could never do what that Mikey did before."

"Why not? It was a part of him before," Leo countered, looking at Mikey as he slept.

Don shook his head a small frown on his face as he took the answer, "Yes, but his mind is damaged. The LSD, the beatings, the torture. It all took a toll on Mikey's mental state and he soon let go of it all. He may come back, but nothing like before. He still listens and obeys us. He never disobeys a direct command unless he's scared, and he still forgets the small things he doesn't learn. But I'm curious about what exactly you mean about cues?"

Leo smiled softly, "You mean you haven't noticed it yet? Mikey watches all of us very carefully before he does something. He checks our body language and sees our answer usually before we say it and obeys it. It was quite obvious in the bedroom when he was with you Don."

Don frowned as he thought, recalling the strange incident in the lab when he was watching Mikey. "You mean that he was watching me for a verbal command, or a non-verbal one? Impressive!"

Leo nodded, "Yeah, his eyes kept darting up to you but you showed no indication on what he should do next, so he sat there. It wasn't until you said he could leave is when he left."

Don nodded, understanding. "Well, how about we all get some rest and head out in the morning. I need to make sure I have everything ready."

Everyone nodded and said their Good Nights, and went to bed. Leo held Mikey beside him leaning back against the wall, and fell asleep.

* * *

"Are we going yet?" Mikey asked eagerly, picking at his food. He didn't have an appetite. He wasn't really hungry.

"After you eat Mikey, you need your strength," Don said.

Mikey frowned, he didn't want to eat. It looked gross. And he knew who made it, and tended to avoid it as much as he can.

"Com'n Mikey, it is not that bad. It tastes good, doesn't it?" said a frowning Leonardo.

Mikey nodded, "It tastes good Leo. I eat," not wanting to make his brother sad. He started to eat the salty mixture of eggs and sausage but Leo stopped him. "Let me try that first!" taking a small bite of the food. Leo's face puckered tightly, slightly disgusted by the taste.

"How did it get so salty?" Leo asked, drinking some water and taking away Mikey's plate.

"Uh, that was kinda my fault Leo," Casey said meekly, but quickly hurried to say, "But I scraped it off man! Really I did!"

Leo glared, "Gee, thanks Casey. I almost gave my little bro food that's gross. Next time tell me, okay?"

Casey nodded and took a bite of his toast.

Mikey frowned, wondering if hew as going to get anything to eat. "Don't worry Mikey, I'll make you something else," Leo said.

Mikey wanted to cook. He loved to cook. It was one thing he still missed the most, but because he didn't like a lot of the utensils in the beginning, he had grown used to seeing them.

"I cook?" Mikey asked hopefully.

Leo started to shake his head but Splinter said, "Of course my son, you may cook."

Suddenly, there was a small scramble towards the kitchen, both Don, Raph, and April hurried forward, wanting some of Mikey's food. Mikey was a true culinary artist when it came to cooking. He could make good food out of anything really, and it came down to his art.

"Can we have some too Mikey?" Casey asked, stuffing the last of his toast into his mouth hurriedly.

Mikey smiled at their antics and hopeful expression. He felt pleased they missed something of his. He nodded, "I make something….eggs….hash browns?"

Don nodded, before quickly correcting, "Its 'I will be making' Mike, and yes, we have missed your food."

Mikey smiled, getting up and walking over. He started organizing the pots and quickly grabbed the correct ingredients before starting to cook. He could hear the pan sizzling as he fried up some sausages, and eggs. He quickly seasoned the hash browns, and 20 minutes later, a hot breakfast was served.

Everyone dug in, so did Mikey, he was so excited about eating his own food, he ate really fast. Everyone chatted like they did before. Mikey watched them just to make sure none of them really minded what he had made and saw they all were genuinely happy with the food.

He gave a small smile.

* * *

Later that Night:

They had hiked for a few hours, finally reaching a flat area. All of them had gone, and Mikey was slightly nervous, but excited too. He smiled as he was allowed to help gather wood, and helped start a fire. This was exciting. He was happy as he watched the stars come out, and ate supper.

April cooked.

After supper, they just started to talk when Casey brought out the Marshmallows. Excited, he asked, "Can we? Please?" he said, showing a puppy dog face they haven't seen for quite some time.

Chuckling, Raph nodded, "Sure Mike, lets go find some sticks for everyone."

Mikey nodded, jumping up and following Raph as they searched the forest for the right willow sticks. Finding a nice stock, they started hacking and even though Mikey didn't touch Raph's Sai's, he did hold the sticks. Walking back to the fire, feeling strangely proud of himself, he sat down eagerly as everyone grabbed a stick and started toasted their marshmallows.

Mikey watched quietly, something tickling his brain. It was like he was watching this scene all over again.

He heard Casey squeak as his marshmallow caught on fire and wave it around frantically before April patiently caught the stick and blew the small fire out.

But in Mikey's head, he could see something different….

_Mikey was smiling as he cooked his marshmallow perfectly, he heard Leo snap at Raph. Raph was snickering at Leo who had cooked his marshmallow a little too darkly. _

_Distracted, he looked up at his and squeaked. _

_His marshmallow was on fire!!_

_Holding it up and flinging it back and forth, he heard his brothers laughing at his antics. Mikey waved the burning stick/marshmallow fast, leaving little orange streaks it seemed in the air. Suddenly, the melted blackened goop of delicious marshmallow flew off his stick and sailed toward a laughing Raphie. _

_Laughing yelped as the burning hot and sticky marshmallow hit his plastron and yelped in surprise. He jumped up and down, trying to touch the hot goop on his plastron, which was still too hot to touch and pull it off him. _

_Mikey was laughing though. Raphie's face had been priceless, a mixture of amusement, shock, and slight panic all on his face. _

_Mikey giggled as he heard his name roared in amusement. It didn't have that bite in the tone, and he started to laugh as he ran away from an angry Raph. _

_Laughing with each step…._

Mikey laughed at the memory. He didn't know he was laughing out loud until he heard silence around him, and everyone staring at him with smiles on there face. Puzzled, he asked, "What is wrong?"

"What were you laughing about Mikey?" April asked curiously. _It's the first time we have heard him laugh since his capture….a real laugh…._

Mikey gave a small smile, a little nervous. "I remember this before," he said softly. "I remember marshmallows. Fire. Talking, cooking. Leo snap at Raphie. Raphie was laughing at Leo. I smile. Then my marshmallow on fire. I wave the stick around quickly. Then it fly through the air and land on Raphie. The face he make, so funny."

Everyone laughed at the memory and the happiness they heard in Mikey's voice.

In everyones head, they thought happily,

_'He's coming back. So slowly….but he's coming back to normal…..this was exactly what he needed.'_


	32. Chapter 32

Mikey woke up early the next morning feeling strange. Something was different. He could feel something was different. It was still early, a little cold in the air, but Mikey was fine with it. _Real....tranquil....peaceful.._... but something was disturbing that usual feeling....there was something out there....coming.....

Frowning, he got up and started for the lake. He sat and stared at the dark lake, the sun still not awake yet. _Why does it hurt so much….why does it take so long to heal…. They want me to be me…..but I can never be…..not the way they want….. What do I do?_

He shivered in the early morning breeze. His heart started to pound quickly, and he frowned. Sitting up and glancing around, he felt that same presence he did back in the lair. That complex feelings of fear, of disgust, hatred and terror rolled into one, always when.....

_Metal Man_

_It was him.... he was coming.....NO_

He quickly got up, trying to repress the panicky feeling and scrambled up a nearby tree and looked around. He saw a small disturbance a distance off and started to tremble.

The fear built and his heart raced. He quickly swung down the tree, and scrambled to the camp site where they were.

"BLUE!!!" he said in a panic. Leo bolted up at Mikey's cry. It was full of panic and fear.

"Mikey what's wrong?" Leo asked worriedly. Mikey was panting hard, his eyes glazed with fear, panic, and terror. _What the Hell? He's so scared!_

"Metal Man, he coming. He coming now!!!" Mikey said quickly, his whole body trembling, shaking with his terror.

"How do you know this Mikey??" Don said tense and worried. Watching Mikey, seeing his pale skin, the wide eyes full of fear and dread.

Mikey pointed toward where he had seen the disturbance. "I can feel him. He's coming. He know!! He know we here. He coming for me!!! Us!!" he said, slapping Leo's chest in his panic, trying to convey his panic and fear.

Raph moved toward him, "Look Mikey, he ain't touchin' you'se again! He'll go ta Hell first!" trying to calm Mikey, holding his shoulders gently, trying to calm his little brother.

Leo glanced around feeling the tendrils of panic and fear engulf his soul.

"Blue, no, we go. We need to go!" Mikey said, trying to dart away. But Leo held firm for a few moments but then Mikey managed to slip free. He started to dart away, but then Blue said, "Mikey, stop now!"

Mikey had been taught to obey. Always obey. And he never disobeyed them before. He followed their words, obeyed their unspoken commands, and even against his true feelings he stopped and waited, his body tense, nervous and afraid.

"I know you are scared but we need a plan. Mikey, Please, I know you are sacred, but we will protect you. Have faith my brother, you will be protected!" Leo said, walking over, trying to calm his brother and convince him he was safe.

Mikey bit his lip and silently nodded his head, staying still. He closed up, trying to bring up Orange. But to no avail.

Leo spoke of a plan. He quickly dispatched April and Casey to a few areas nearby, and ordered them to stay there, to stay safe. Small hunting stoops high in the trees were hidden quite well, and Leo had Don arm them with various weapons. Quickly building a few bow and arrows, and a large pile of rocks, sticks and other things.

Leo found a small cave nearby, big enough to hide Mikey so he would stay out of the fight. Splinter was with him, protecting his youngest. Leo had built up a small fire, trying to show they were camping and they gave the illusion they had left.

In forty minutes, they had a plan in place, and fear in their hearts.

Suddenly, Mikey could feel the darkness coming nearby and cringed, backing up further into the cave. He covered his eyes not wanting to see his nightmare come true.

He could suddenly hear Raph's scream of rage and talking and fighting. He could hear the clang of swords and the grunting of flesh hitting flesh. He hear a cry of pain and finally opened his eyes and saw Don holding his arm, glaring at one of the Elite Warriors. He could see a full out battle and even Splinter had rushed out to help.

Then Metal Man came upon the scene. Watching from behind the frontlines. Then he saw Raph rush toward Metal Man, screaming, "SHREDDER, I'LL KILL YA FOR WHA YOU DID TO MY BROTHER!!!"

Raph jumped toward the Shredder, his Sai's twirling violently in his rage as they battled.

Shredder knew how to fight him, having had studied Mikey's moves and easily dodged his moves.

Raph was confused. He was fighting with all of his strength and speed, but with a cry of pain, he was punched hard in the plastron, a loud crack echoed in the air and he collapsed.

Mikey saw it all, and knew in a second how Shredder was able to defeat Raphael.

_Its because of me! I fought Shredder. I fought with **their** colors…..Shredder used me…. Used my knowledge…..used it to hurt them….._

A rage of hatred, anger and fury started to flare up inside and he started to pant hard. His hands clenched up and he felt his heart constrict when he saw Leo get cut on his cheek. Splinter with a crooked leg and a large cut along his side. Donnie with a broken arm, painfully crooked and a slash across his face. They had all fought against the Shredder, Metal Man, only to be painfully defeated.

When Leo screamed as his leg was cut deeply by the claws the Metal Man had on, dig into his right thigh, the anger seem to grow to a uncontrollable rage.

Mikey snapped and pushed his fear and terror aside. The anger crackling inside wanting to burst free, wanting to defend his family, he jumped out.

His hands found a sword on the ground. He moved silently, his voice all but gone, flashes of memory grew inside him, cascading in bits, showing him memories, voices, feelings, that had been locked up since his capture.

He leaped from the shadows, managing to surprise Metal Man but started to fight.

_He could tell Metal Man was talking but he couldn't hear anything. Nothing. All sounds seem to be gone. All he could see was Metal Man's weapons, and his own weapons in his hands. They fought hard. Mikey didn't know how long he fought for, or that he was winning. _

_He felt the sword in his hands pushing into smooth metal, and a spurt of blood on his face. He felt sudden pain in his left shoulder, exploding in bright hot light._

_He screamed….._

Everything suddenly zoomed back into focus. He could hear someone screaming his name, a angry voice snarling at him.

Mikey collapsed to the ground, his shoulder an agonizing burning, throbbing limb, the warm blood flowing down his arm. He laid on the ground, weak, panting, tired.

Suddenly he felt a rough hand grab him by his right arm, hauling him up, his left useless in trying to defend himself.

A smooth sword was suddenly against his neck and suddenly he realized one of the Elite Warriors was holding up his weakening form. Mikey could feel his hot breath on his cheek as he told his brothers to back away. And as they backed away, Mikey stumbling to follow him, the Elite smiled, whispering times he had spent with the evil man as he pulled Mikey away from his family. Mikey felt his body tense, instantly bombarded by dozens of memories of this hated man that had abused him.....

_**T'Yuin**_

Mikey felt himself fading, wavering on the last of his strength, his pain, his fear and terror. He could feel his body shaking, his arm burning where T'Yuin grasped him.

"Maybe they shall be my toy as well," T'Yuin whispered gleefully.

Mikey froze, his eyes widened in fear and anger. _NO not Blue, not Purple, Not Red, NOT ME, NONE OF THEM, ever again!!!!_

With strength coming from somewhere deep inside, he wrenched himself free, falling and suddenly felt Don's hands grab him. Saving him from hitting the ground.

"T'Yuin," he said loud enough for his brothers. He heard them growl in anger, and felt Don's hands tighten on him as anger coursed through the air.

Mikey watched dully as Raph and Leo tensed up when he spoke that word, that cursed word.

He watched as his brothers tore T'Yuin apart, words of rage breaking past the silence of a battle that no longer taking place. Mikey could sense Death, pain, guilt and shame.

He felt it all wrap around him, engulfing him, making him cry in pain.

Mikey was fading, the shame and guilt that he had felt at betraying his families secrets of fighting consumed him, and he whispered quietly, "Sorry….so sorry….deserve it…" and his eyes closed and he fell.

* * *

Hey everyone, hope all is well with everyone. Been a long time since I wrote, and a very long time since I updated. I've been working and moving, and trying to balance out life, kids, work, school, and so many other things. Its a wonder I was able to do this, LOL, but I hope you all like it. I think its very good, the next chapter for this will hopefully be out later this week. Hope people still read this one. I really do.

Send a review, let me know if you still want more updates. If not, I'll stop this one and work on the next. But like I said, life is in my way, so I'll try updating as I can.

Please review, let me know if its any good. been gone so long, not sure yet. LOL Laters, love life, Live life,


	33. Chapter 33

_He could hear them talking around him, but he was lost in a fog. He could sense them nearby, their feelings, their words, their pain. And it hurt so much. _

_He had betrayed those he loved. He had showed his enemy his family's fighting moves, giving out weaknesses, moves styled to them…. Granted, he didn't remember them then….a whirlwind of colours he didn't recall… _

_His mind whirled as he heard them talk to him. Beg him to come back. He couldn't. The shame and guilt were too much. He was lost in the fog, and drifted with it. _

_He couldn't hurt his colours anymore….._

_Not when he was lost…._

* * *

It had been 5 days so far. Their wounds were dressed and bandaged. They were safe, alone, and their greatest enemy defeated.

But it had come at a cost.

Mikey, their younger brother had been critically injured. So was Casey. He had went to the hospital. The sword that he had been impaled on had cut through mostly neatly, but nicked the liver. He had emergency surgery and was doing much better. He would be released in another day, and had bugged April about updates on Mikey.

Leo's leg wound has started to mend well but he continued to push himself in practice, unable to get past the fact he had once again, failed his family. He took the blame upon himself, believing his family blamed himself as well. He assumed they did, because everyone was silent. They didn't accuse him, actually tried to convince him to leave the practice room and visit Mikey, but he refused. He couldn't visit Mikey. Not now. He had failed to protect him.

Raph's plastron had indeed taken on some small fractures, but Don had bound Raph's plastron tightly together and ordered bed rest. At first Raph refused knowing he wouldn't be placed in the same room as Mikey at first. Don explained to him it would only be for the first two days and soon was able to take turns with the watch. He was sore, pissed and worried about his baby brother, and often tried to wake him up but nothing so far. His anger had gotten worse, and he snapped at anyone around him who tried to convince him to leave Mikey, if only for a few minutes, and talked constantly to Mikey, trying to bring him back.

Don's wrist was placed in a cast, with stern words not to go near a computer for a few days, which Don promptly disagreed with. He needed his technology, wanting to know if Mikey's state was normal or not. But after Raph's threats and Splinter's stern lectures, he backed off, and spent time with Mikey on his own, wishing he had some way to heal Mikey. But for now, all he could do was watch, wait, and help Mikey's body heal.

Splinter's leg was also in a cast and was quite put out with it. He had never had a cast on before, and it felt uncomfortable. He did not like moving with it on, having felt how heavy his leg was, and was curiously wondering how Michelangelo had dealt with both of his legs injured like that. But when asked about using a wheelchair, he refused adamantly, feeling insulted. But seeing as it was easier to get around and how he wanted to be able to spend time with his sons, and greatly worried about each, had started to use it.

When they brought Mikey back home to heal, they quickly stitched up the various cuts on him, iced some of the bruises, and bound his wrist which was swollen. Upon discovering his right knee was swollen as well, and upon closer examination, determined it was a fracture, and quickly bound it straight, unable to place a cast on it. They needed to wait until the swelling went down before they could put on a cast. His shoulder that had been impaled by Shredder's gaunlets had severed many muscles and torn some tendons. They stiched and repaired what they could, but only time would tell if he would be able to use that arm again.

Finally three days later, they put a strong cast on both his shoulder down his arm, and his knee, praying it would heal correctly.

But Mikey never stirred. He didn't move. It scared his family. A lot.

_Mikey heard Leo--Blue arguing with someone nearby. He wanted to wake up. He wanted to help Blue. Blue was angry, hurt. He was sad. He shifted mentally, almost wishing he could wake up. They were arguing so loudly. _

"Com'n Fearless, its just Mikey. He ain't gonna hurt ya! We just want ya to spend time wit him to. He might be waiting to hear ya voice!!! Please Leo, for Mikey…" Raph said, pleading with his older brother. It was a struggle to get Leo to even leave the dojo.

"No Raph….I can't face him right now. It's not right. I failed him," and he turned to walk away.

_Fail…..you….it wasn't you….I failed you…. It was me… Blue…._

Raph said angrily, "Why is always about you!? How come it ain't about Mikey!? He defeated Shredder, he fought to protect us. And you're throwing it back inta his face!!! If your gonna be selfish then maybe you don't belong here!"

_RED NO go….. Take them back….. It hurt Leo….Blue…. _

Leo's face fell when he heard those words, and he slunk away, sadness had filled his eyes even more so and he looked lost on his face.

Raph slapped his head frustrated, and ran after Leo, and grabbed him, turning him around, "Leo, wait-" he said, forcing Leo to face him, "I don't mean that… it just, you ain't tha only one ta fail him Leo. We all did. And we're payin' the price. We will live wit it. There ain't no way around it. But look ova there," he said, pointing to where Mikey laid on the bed.

_No, stop thinking….my fault….mine…._

Leo looked, his eyes filling with sadness and tears.

"He fought to protect us. He was willing to give his life for us. I am not letting that go. But ignoring 'im. Not talkin to 'im, it ain't doin' no one any good. Leo. Don't throw away this. He did good. He faced his fear. But at this price. He needs to be acknowledge. Not ignored. He needs to be told ya love 'im, that you want 'im, because Leo, the only one he ain't heard that from, is you…." Raph said softly, eyes staring into Leo's, trying to get through to him.

"But…." Leo faltered, a few tears falling down his face, "He…. He was so scared…. And…I…. I… didn't save him…."

_NO, my fault..…Metal Man, he only wanted me…..no……my fault.…. Blue….stop…. Stop crying…. Please…._

Raph shook his head, "Leo, he saved us, and he's still here…. Ain't he? He's alive… he's breathing…. He just ain't waking up yet…. But he still needs us. He needs us to reassure him. To help him. TO love him. Leo, he's still lost here…. He's still hurting… and even if he wasn't hurting. He's still gonna need all of us."

Leo shook his head, shoulders shaking as he tried to hold in his tears.

"He needs us Leo. He needs us to save him….. Even from his nightmares. You need ta talk with 'im. Ya need to let him know, you still want him back." Raph said quietly.

_Why….. Why need me…. I'm bad…. bad_

Leo broke down, the tears finally falling free, engulfing his heart and soul. He cried for not protecting his family. He cried for the fear he felt. He felt for the confusion he felt. He cried for his little brother. He cried for the pain he felt in his heart. He finally, he cried for failing his own self promise.

He felt Raph's arms around him, the security he felt. He felt Don's hands on his shoulder, and Splinter's clawed hands gently touching his head, comforting him. He quieted, somehow feeling lighter. Not as heavy. He gave Raph a small smile, "You're right Raph…. About everything…"

Raph smiled and stepped back, helping Leo up. Somehow, he and Raph had fallen to the floor. Leo got up, and walked towards Mikey's bed.

"Hey Mike…. I hope you can hear me. I hope you know we love you. I love you…. You made me proud Mike. You saved us…. Saved yourself. You… Mikey, I'm proud of you. Please…. Wake up," Leo said, softly, sitting down beside Mikey, stealing Raph's empty seat.

_I'm… I can't… scared.. Sorry L…Leo… scared…._

Mikey's body trembled his body reacting to Leo's plea, and Leo's eyes grew wide and he shouted for his family. Mikey heard a loud thundering in the floor, and his name being called and he tensed up, shrinking back, trying to wake up. He was awake, but he couldn't…wake up….

_Why I not do this? Why not wake up? Can hear them….sense them….. I know they there. I just not open eyes and see…. Why?_

"Michelangelo, please my son, wake up," Splinter said warmly, trying to coax his son awake.

Don pulled his eyelids up, flashing a bright light in them, trying to figure out why he wasn't awake yet.

"He still has a concussion Sensei…. But he's healing. He should be waking up…. I don't know why he isn't," Don said with a frown.

_I want wake up, want talk….. Help me!!!_

Leo frowned. _Mikey had reacted to his voice, but he still didn't wake up. What was wrong? Can he hear us? Is that why he reacted?? Why does it have to be so hard?_ Leo sat down nearby, his hand still grasping Mikey's hand in a firm grip. _He wanted Mikey back. Just Mikey. But that was nearly impossible. Their old Mikey was gone….. And their new Mikey was still healing….everything was changing…._

"Mikey, I know you can hear me," Leo began, noticing the body stilled as he spoke, "You must be stuck somehow. I can sense you…. That you can hear me… us…. Don't be scared… we are here, we won't leave you alone…"

_Blue…. You know? How? Stuck… is that why not awake? …scared…. I real scared… you stay here?? Thank you…. _and Mikey's body stilled, relaxing as he thought _Won't be alone no more…. They all stay…._


	34. Chapter 34

**A/N: I"M BACK! MWAH HAHAHAHA. LOL. I'M finally back. It took awhile, I finished my first semester and on holiday break, and finally have time to write. I will be updating slowly in the next few days. Hope you like this chapter. Hope to put up more soon enough. It took a lot of time to get my stories . Never again will I loose a story. hehe. **

**Hope all is well, have a great holiday everyone. I'm stoked college is over for a semester. It was worth it. **

**8 courses in 4 monthes = 7 A's + 1 B = a happy mom, who hopes to finish her last semester next term. LOL**

**Merry Christmas!**

* * *

The next day, they started to see improvements in Mikey's condition. He was more aware, reacting to stimuli. He shifted and murmured on the bed occasionally. Don told them these were great signs that Mikey was trying to wake up.

Everyone took turns to talk with Mikey. They were trying to entice him to come out. They were hoping for something positive to result from it.

It was early one morning, around two when Mikey finally groaned. Don had been awake and heard a small groan and glanced around. He then saw Mikey move his arm, and jumped up, walking toward him eagerly, "Mikey, com'n, it's time to wake up!" he said eagerly. Quickly, he pressed the little button on the monitor, letting everyone know that Mikey was awake. He carefully checked Mikey over, analyzing his movements.

"Mikey, thank God you're awake. I was worried about you," Donnie said thankful that Mikey was okay now.

Mikey looked at them confused for a few minutes, as he started to gather his thoughts.

"Safe now?" he finally asked, worried it was going to happen again. He was afraid...that it was a dream...

Leo smiled, grabbing Mikey's hand, and squeezing gently, "Yes Mikey, we're safe from the Shredder. He's gone...We still have to take care of a few things, but we are safe. You are safe. Nothing will hurt oyu now."

Mikey nodded, and felt immensely tired, "Raphie? Donnie? Casey? April? Daddy?" wanting answer, to make sure they are alright.

"We're fine Mikey. We are hurt, but we are getting better," replied Donnie, trying to reassure his little brother.

Raph spoke, his voice wavered slightly as he said, "Casey is in the hospital. He had gotten hurt but he's gonna be fine. April is fine also. Don'tcha worry. We're good. We were just waitin' on ya."

Mikey, confused and tired, smiled at the thought…._They want me….me…._

Over the next several weeks, they noticed a difference with Mikey. He was becoming more comfortable around them. He enjoyed giving out random hugs, and not getting reprimanded for it. He would giggle when he saw Leo and Raph playing jokes on each other. _Something he knew they wouldn't do, they hadn't done before. That was something he had done. Not them._ _He also knew that they were doing it to let him know it was alright. _

He still continued to clean all the time, doing their chores. They would repeat that he didn't have to, but Mikey couldn't help it. He still waited for them to eat first, and made sure to sit last. If there were no seats, he'd sit on the floor. He couldn't seem to break free from all the rules he lived with, but he was getting better over time.

He watched as they trained, and would just stand nearby. He knew it was training, and silently corrected their stances, trying not to dwell to much on it. He flinched when he heard the sword collide with something, and panic when he saw blood on one of them. He was told they would retire, so he wondered why they still practced and fought.

One day, he asked.

"Why do they still train?" he asked carefully, making sure to speak correctly. He had many lessons on how to speak properly, but he forgot them alot. He didn't see what was wrong with his talking, but he knew it would make them happy if he did talk right.

Everyone froze for a split second, but then relaxed when Splinter said, "Sit, we must talk."

Mikey immediately walked over to them and sat down; a sense of déjà vu overcame him for a second before he realized he sat in the place he used to sit in, in the days before Shredder. He saw the happiness in his brothers and father, and smiled at something so simple could make them happy.

"Michelangelo," Splinter called, making sure he focused on him. When he looked at him, Splinter continued, "There are several things we must finish in New York before we can finally retire from this life. We have a few enemies who will decide to come after us, and before they can do this, we must defeat them first."

Mikey frowned, thinking about what Splinter said, "What enemies we have?" he said nervously. "Metal Man gone….right?" he said, his mind about to panic.

When he felt a hand touch his arms, forgetting for a moment that it was his brother's, he tensed, moving away, even when he heard, "No Mikey, that Shred-head's dead. You don't have to worry about it anymore," he remembered he was safe, and no one could hurt him.

Mikey relaxed, opening his eyes, shadows deep inside showing his fear, Mikey shivered for a moment, realizing it was his brother's hands that touched him, not Metal mans or T'Yuin's...they wouldn't touch him ever again. He gave a small smile when he saw their concerned looks and nodded his head that he was okay. He just could remember T'Yuin's hands, and Metal Man's hands...hurting him. It was hard to remember they wouldn't hurt him, that they were dead and he was safe.

"Yes my son, The Shredder is dead now. You do not have to worry about him again. We have other enemies my son, I do not know if you recall. Their names are Agent Bishop and Dr. Stockman," Splinter said gently, hoping his son would not flashback.

Mikey tensed at the names, feeling hatred and shame build up inside him, and he felt images come to mind, and he tried to banish them away, trying to refuse the power of the flashback trying to overcome him.

_He not gone! He not gone! Oh God, he not gone? He's gonna wanna cut me again….both of them. Oh god!_ He thought in fear as his eyes glazed slightly. He could hear his name being called and tried to focus on it, coming out of his flashback, breathing a little hard when he focused on the room around him. He saw Donnie's concerned face in front of him, his brown eyes concerned and worried.

"I okay Donnie. Just remembered," Mikey said, feeling a little proud that he didn't freak out. "Where I be then? Do I help you…" he said hesitantly. He wasn't sure he was able to help defeat them. He concentrated hard on the memories he had flashed back on, and frowned, "Bishop, he hurt us….before… I don't…I don't remember Stockman really well."

That afternoon, they took turns explaining about the men, and how they had to make sure they were gone, because they would take Shredder's place. They didn't mention Stockman too much because they feared Mikey would flashback to when Stockman did surgery on him. They didn't want Mikey to remember all the details, actually thankful for the memory loss. After being told of the bad men, Mikey agreed it needed to be done, but he didn't really want to fight.

"Actually Mikey, April has some good news to give you," Leo said smiling. They had been told the news that morning, but April wanted to tell Mikey herself.

"What?" he asked confused at the pleased looks on their faces. Just then, the door to the lair opened, and he glanced over and saw April standing there with Casey. Mikey tensed slightly, but then relaxed. He knew they wouldn't hurt him.

"Mikey," April said, waving him over with a flick of her hair, and a eager smile on her face.

Mikey bounced over, liking April's red hair. "What you want to tell me April?" he asked curiously.

April pulled Casey on the couch beside her, and turned to Mikey, "Mikey, we have some wonderful news. I'm pregnant, do you know what that means?"

Mikey bit his lip, he knew he heard that word before, a shiver of fear from a brief memory, but he pushed it away. He didn't want to remember. He shook his head 'no' because he couldn't remember.

"Mikey, pregnant means a women has a baby inside of her," April said touching her abdomen lightly in happiness.

"A baby?" Mikey said smiling, he loved babies. They were so cute, and adorable. "Really? When? Can I see it? What you gonna name him? Or is it her?" he said excitably.

They all smiled at Mikey's joy because this was a part of old Mikey also. He would be just as excited. "Yes Mikey, a baby, you can't see it yet until we see a doctor for a sonogram. We haven't chosen names yet, we want you to choose the name," April said softly. She remembered talking with Mikey before his kidnapping, of the family April wanted to start. Mikey was her best friend, someone to tell her dreams to, and talk with, he had this ability to make you smile when you're sad, to laugh when you're depressed and to just help you figure out things. She missed Mikey dearly, but she loved this Mikey also.

"Me?" Mikey asked incredibly, "You not ask me to name baby. I know nothing!" he said, worried and unsure, "I….April…I…" he said, breathing deeply, trying not to panic.

April grabbed his hand, squeezing gently, "Mikey, please, it's okay. Nothing is going to hurt you. I want you to name our baby because I love you. You're my best friend, then and now. I enjoy talking with you, and hearing your thoughts. You make me happy, I would be honored if you named our baby," she said, pulling Mikey into a hug.

"B..But Casey," still trying to deny this idea, and turned to the man.

Casey smiled gently, "Lookit Mikey, I want youse to name the little guy too. You make April happy, heck, you make us all happy. We'd be honored if you named the little guy."

Mikey was confused and felt this immense happiness that bubbled inside. He knew he shouldn't be happy. That was wrong of him. He didn't deserve it. He was bad. Tainted. Evil…he killed….He couldn't….Trembling, trying to stay calm, he said, "I…I want to. I do. But….I can't…." and he turned and ran to his room, pulling his blankets off his bed and crawling under the bed.


	35. Chapter 35

Ch 35

Mikey crawled under his bed, trembling in shame and horror at how he acted. He moaned, he had hurt her feelings. He saw her eyes, they were worried and hurt. He felt tears build up, and started to cry. _He was bad, and he was going to be punished_, he thought, _bad Mikey, stupid Mikey._

He heard the door to his room open and he saw green legs, and frowned, wondering who it was. Then he saw the outline of a purple mask and soft eyes, glancing at him. He shifted backwards, shaking in fear.

"Mikey, can you come out here?" Don asked a little tired of this reaction. _Mikey would panic over something and hide, thinking he would get punished, and it was starting to piss him off. They weren't the Shredder, how could he even think that?_ He saw Mikey tighten up around the blankets, hiding his face, and leaned forward and pulled Mikey out.

Mikey felt himself being tugged out, and breathed rapidly, trying not to think about the Shredder at the same time, but it was too much, and he reacted, kicking and screaming in fear, his leg kicking Don in the jaw.

_NO, no, god, please not again,' he thought as he was cruelly dragged out from under the bed. He moaned through the muzzle on his face, wishing to God he wasn't dressed up as an animal. He saw Shredder grinning, hands on his kicking legs, holding them down, twisting the broken leg and causing intense pain. _

_Mikey screamed through the muzzle, lost in the blaze of injury. He whimpered, the tears building. He suddenly heard his name, "Michelangelo," a silky voice, grinning behind the Shredder and he froze and then reacted, kicking in a frenzy, trying to get free. _

_The Shredder chuckled, and looked down at him, dragging him up by the throat, "You are nothing but an animal," and laughed, "look at you, grunting like the filth you are, you must enjoy it," both Bishop and Shredder laughed cruelly. _

_Mikey shook his head in denial, his good leg kicking out wildly, knowing both were bad news. _

"_I wish to have some time with Michelangelo Master Shredder," Bishop said smiling, bowing his head slightly in respect, "He got away from me last time," grinning lecherously at Mikey's frightened eyes. _

_Mikey moaned, the air tightening, breathing wildly, trying to break free. NO, NOT BISHOP! NO NO NO NO, he thought as his world started to turn black_

Mikey screamed, struggling in Donnie's arms violently, his mouth screaming, "NO, NOT BISHOP, NO NO NOOOO," and then went limp, making Don panic more as he grabbed Mikey before he fell. "MASTER SPLINTER!" he screamed scared. He checked Mikey's vital, noticing his heart was racing a bit, and he was cold and clammy.

Splinter ran in, seeing his son passed out and his other worried and scared. "What has happened Donatello?"

Don spoke quickly, "I was trying to coax him out and it was irritating me, so I pulled him out, and then he just freaked out! I don't know what I did wrong!" clearly worried, placing Mikey on the bed.

"He is fine," Splinter said, checking on him, "He is a little pale and cold, but some time asleep shall be good for him."

They left the room to give him some time asleep and spoke with April, letting her know to not take Michelangelo's reaction as a negative. He was just confused.

* * *

Mikey slowly woke up, his body sore and he felt sick. He laid there, staring at the ceiling, remembering what had happened earlier.

_He had been bad. He had said No! He was going to get punished, he just knew it! _

Whimpering, he slid off the bed, scared. I said "NO" to April! _What could he do? He can't be the one who named baby. No, he was bad. He can't do it. Bad. Tainted. Filth. I would be bad for baby. Baby will always be hurt…he can't._

He sat there, staring at the wall, his emotions in a turmoil. There was too much he learned earlier. _The bad guys still out there. Want him. Wany hurt hium. He was always gonna be bad, be dirty….that why they want him. He easy to hurt. Easy to make relent. _

He waited, not wanting to leave his room, he had been bad. He deserved being punished. Finally the door opened, and he looked up, seeing Raph walk in, "Hiya Mikey, how are youse?" he said, walking in holding a plate of food.

Mikey waved, staring at the food, wanting to ask, feeling afraid, but he was never denied food. He was hungry. Frowning, he waited for Raph to speak.

"Here ya go," handing over the plate of pizza. "So Mikey, what was tha' about earlier wit April and Casey?" Raph asked curiously.

"I be bad. I not name the baby. It bad for me. Baby pure, me not so pure. Me dirty so I no touch baby….I'm sorry," he said, anxious and regressing in his speech, nervous, he had said 'no,' and he knew that was bad, and he should get punished. He just wanted it done and over with.

"Mikey, you aren't dirty, or even bad!" Raph said angrily, hating his brother felt he had no worth, or was dirty. He shook his head angrily, feeling the anger burn but he ofught to rein it in, "Mike, look at me!" he said sternly, feeling guilty at how quickly Mikey looked at him.

"You aren't dirty. You aren't bad. Confused, yeah, but we ain't gonna hurt ya. April and Case just wanted to show you how much they loved ya!" he explained, kneeling in front of Mikey, "They love you, before and now, and they wanted to show you how much."

"Love me?" Mikey said eyes wide, "Why do they love me?" he asked bewildered.

Raph let out a chuckle, "Because, you are you!" he said, watching his eyes, "We all love you! A Lot! Mikey, I love you messed up, confused, teasing me, hitting me, there isn't anything in tha world, that will make me stop lovin' you!"

Mikey frowned, curious and wondering. "All love me even if I am dirty?" he said, eyes wide with hope and fear.

"Yes Mikey, we all love you," Raph said, his voice rough with emotion, wavering with feeling. He watched his eyes, watching Mikey's eyes, hoping for acceptance of his words and he saw it.

"Can I hug you?" he asked roughly, knowing any quick moments could make Mikey flashback but they have started to taper off again since he woke up from his coma. At Mikey's nod, he slowly pulled Mikey into a hug and held him.

He felt Mikey's arms hug back and felt complete for the first time since they rescued Mikey. He felt hope.

* * *

Later that week, April returned with a ultrasound picture, her eyes excited and happy. She excitedly ran up to Mikey, forgetting to not touch him, but she was excited. Mikey saw her coming, her face was glowing and flushed, eyes sparkling. "MIKEY!" she called out loudly, rushing over. Mikey saw her hand reaching for his arm and tensed but remembered to breathe. He had more control lately.

April touched his arm, pulling him closer, showing the picture to him, "Look it's the baby!" she said excitedly. She showed a clear picture of a little baby. It was very small.

Mikey smiled, "Baby is small," he stated curious, "How you get the picture inside?" he asked confused.

April smiled, as she glanced at Mikey. She saw something changed from the last time she was here, Mikey seemed more at ease. "Come, let's sit down…" she asked, waving her hands to the couch.

Mikey followed, obeying the small command. It was small enough to ignore. He sat down on the couch, still wondering. April pulled out a few more photos, all pictures of a little baby. "How old is the baby?" he asked quietly, afraid to offend, but still curious.

April giggled, "My baby is about 5 months old right now," patting the small bulge on her stomach, "I haven't shown yet, but I can feel the baby," she said excited.

Mikey was totally confused about this process. "How do you feel the baby? Baby is inside you, right? And how the camera get inside your stomach to make picture?" he asked, feeling stupid. He felt like he knew this before, but it escaped him.

April frowned, wondering how to explain, and just decided to call Don. "DONNIE!" she called out, startling Mikey, who jumped, "Sorry Mikey, I just need some help to show you…. He might have some books already," chuckling at the thought of the brainy turtle to have researched her pregnancy.

"Yes April, when did you get- are those ultrasound pictures?" he asked, seeing the pictures on the coffee table. He eagerly picked them up, checking them carefully.

April giggled, her eyes bright, "I got here about 10 minutes ago, and yes, those are ultrasound pictures…. Donnie, do you have any books about pregnancy? I want to explain it to Mikey… can you help explain the machine to see the baby?"

Don glanced at Mikey, and smiled gently, "Of course April, one second, I picked up a few books about pregnancy so we would be prepared just in case," he said, hurrying from the room, and coming back with a few books.

"Where is everyone?" April asked, noticing a lack of turtles around.

Mikey piped up, "Dad says they get to flabby. They need to exercise. He was tired of them fighting," he said smiling a little, "he say to them they play game. He hide. If they find him, he will give week off. They go. Donnie stay with me, not safe for me to be by myself."

April smiled, her eyes showing momentary sadness because Mikey wasn't able to by himself, possibly ever. "I wonder who will win."

Mikey laughed, "They not find him. He be at Casey's place. He say they not think to find him there."

Don returned to see April bursting into laughter, and wondered why. "What's so funny?" he asked, handing over a few books, two were introductions for kids, an easy way to explain. With Mikey's mind the way it was right now, he knew it would be easier for to use kid's books to figure things out.

"Master Splinter is pulling a joke on your brothers," she said giggling, "He sure is devious," she said smiling, picking up the books. "I'm thirsty, I need to have something to drink," she said, starting to get up.

Mikey got up immediately, intending to get up and get some drinks, hearing Don's protests, "No Mikey, it's okay, I got them, you sit down and spend time with April," he said sternly.

Mikey stood there, trying to stop the urge to obey, and then trying to stop the urge to go and get what they wanted, and finally, after standing frozen for a minute, he sat back down. "I…okay," he said softly.

April glanced at Mikey, "You did good Mikey, you're healing…." She said with a brilliant smile.

Mikey smiled back, nodding, '_Maybe he was,_' "Is baby girl or boy?" he asked seriously.

"The scans show the baby is going to be a girl," she said, glancing at the photos again, a loving smile on her face.

"I find name if you still want," Mikey said hesitantly.

April glanced up, excited and said happily, "Really? What is it?"

Mikey bit his lip, a little scared at rejection, "What you think of Aiko….it means the little loved one….the beloved." He was waiting for the laughter and the scorn. He remembered before, when he would be laughed at, with Shredder, and sometimes when he said something to his family. They had laughed once before. He waited, nervous.

"Aiko," April whispered, testing the name, loving the flow of it already. It sounded …right. "I love it Mikey, I would love to name my baby Aiko… wow, I got a name, thanks Mikey," and gave him a quick hug and was happy to have it returned.

Don smiled as he watched from afar. Mikey had come a long way from the last time April was here. Raph had broken through a barrier, and Mikey was healing… slowly, but he was healing. _'Aiko… well, he picked the right name..'_ Don thought as he brought back two pops and juice for April.

Mikey smiled, "April want to name the baby name I picked out Donnie," he said happily. He still didn't understand how the baby got in her stomach, or how they took the pictures. He was just happy and excited.

"I heard Mikey that was a great name you picked out. Good job!" and smiled at the pleased look on Mikey's face, "Well, how about we start explaining everything to you…." He said as he opened a book and started a small lesson on biology and procreation.

* * *

**Well, broke off there because I'm going to assume you all know how it works, and I don't want to go into details. I'm still dreading the day I have to explain this to my daughter. LOL, thank God it's not for another OMG, 4 or so years. WOW, time flies. **

**My girl just had her birthday so all is well. LOL. I will be updating Mikey's Secret next, and the Avatar, and a few others. I will go in a circle a little. One story and then the next. I actually don't know what I was consistatnly working on, so give me time. Mikey's Secret will be updated this week, and another story they next week. **

**Hope all is well and Happy Valentine's Day. **

**PS, What did you think of the name. I figured 'Aiko' would be perfect since it most likely would be beloved by all thr turtles. LOL. **

**REVIEW PLEASE WOULD LOVE TO HEAR SOME FEEDBACK. Thankies, and I'm gone! *waves***


	36. Chapter 36

Mikey grinned, running through the lair laughing. He was chasing his new baby kitten around, enjoying himself.

Don smiled at how far Mikey come since they got him the cat. He had named it Sparta, a fitting name. He had gotten it from the internet, a video called The Mean Little Kitty.

Mikey was always humming it and singing it as he walked through the lair.

April visited once or twice a week now, her stomach showing how big she was getting. Mikey enjoyed the interaction, becoming more comfortable over time. Don laughed as Raph asked what he learned about that day he was told about April's pictures. He saw how red his face had gotten when Mikey spoke innocently about what he learned.

Mikey smiled as his family as they started getting around to organizing the lair, making sure it was baby proof for the future, and some places fixed so even he wouldn't play with.

One evening, as he watched weapons practice, he felt odd, disassociated with the sounds of weapons, and voices grunting. He paused, stepping up, easily sidestepping moves as he moved toward the weapons cabinet.

He wasn't allowed to touch the weapons anymore. Not since he fought last time. He never picked up another weapon since Shredder's downfall. But his eyes were glazed as he opened the cabinet.

"Mikey, what are you doing?" he heard from far away, his anxiousness slipping away as he felt Orange come back. Frowning as he struggled to push Orange aside, he felt himself thrown back.

* * *

"_Orange, what are you doing here?" he asked his counterpart that helped him before. _

"_I'm here because you need to fight. You will have to fight tonight. The lair is being attacked….monsters come in the night…you need me…you cannot fight…" Orange said vaguely. _

_Mikey frowned at the words, still feeling his body moving, swinging a sword lightly around him without his control. "I am here Orange. I fight if have to. I am here…. but how you know fight coming?" he asked curious. _

_Orange wasn't able to travel, was he? Or be aware...he was in control...wasn't he?_

_Orange chuckled, "I always am watching Mikey. You might not know, but they talk around you, speaking in sounds and words, talking about them going out and attacking the scientist that hurt us…that caused us.."_

_Mikey frowned, tensing up at the mention of Bishop. "He is not coming here. Donnie said it was safe!" he said angrily. _

_Orange laughed, "Safe? Just how safe is it? Go and check the perimeters yourself….if you can get past it without any problems, then you will be safe!"_

_Mikey tensed up, this wasn't his Orange. It couldn't be. Orange wouldn't lead him into danger! Orange wasn't able to tell him dangers coming. _

_"You not Orange, where he?" he said backing away. _

_Orange laughed, slowly morphing into Bishop, "Wow, I didn't think you would figure it out terrapin. I was told that your IQ dramatically decreased after out fun. You do know I am coming for you….I can control your body…so easily…I can get you to kill your family…your friends….your pregnant friend…" he laughed evilly. _

_Mikey stepped back, freezing in fear and horror as he started struggling to get free. Something was holding him in place. He felt fighting, only to open his mouth and scream in pain as electricity shot through him. _

_Mikey felt his body hit the floor, Bishops image flickering as he cursed. Mikey whimpered, reverting back as he felt himself awaken_

His eyes snapped opened, backing frantically as he saw Purple over him, looking concerned. He backed up, carefully, worried.

Donnie frowned, seeing his brother was back but was scared and confused. He wished he had thought to look for devices in his brother that could cause this over-ride in his mind. He was just glad his mini EMP was able to work.

"Mike, are you okay?" he asked concerned, his eyes immediately noticing the tremors were back in his hands.

"Not safe, go away," he gasped out, inching away.

"No Mikey, it's okay. I didn't know….I can remove it," he said, but spoke softly, "I can make your mind safe again….who was it?"

Mikey curled up against the wall, watching him warily, wincing at the pain in his body, the tears in his eyes. "B…bishop.." he whispered softly, wondering if he had screamed earlier.

"Yes, I think it was him….did you hear anything?" Don asked, still concerned. He waved his brothers away, knowing this needed some time. Mikey was strung up and quivering.

"Uh huh…he was Orange…but he wasn't….he wanted me ta sneak out! Ta fight…ta show..." he trailed off, eyes stinging with hurt, and he shook his head, "I….I don't wanna talk no more."

Don bit his lip, needing more information. "Mikey, please," he asked softly.

Mikey bit his lip, nervously, feeling itchy and uneasy, and said, "He said he coming, he connected."

Donnie brightened, "Connected?" and ran to his computer, "Mikey, I need you to sit on the bed. I need an x-ray."

Mikey nodded, remembering the explanation he got for the X-ray machine. It was cool. He lay down, being still.

Don gave a sad smile when he saw that, before, his brother always moved, never stopped, but not now. Donnie sighed as he took the picture. When he saw it come on the monitor he saw a small blot on Mikey's skull, and remembered seeing it shortly after they returned. He had wondered what it was, and questioned Mikey, but he didn't know either. "That must be it," he said.

"Mikey, I need to do some surgery on you," he said quietly.

Mikey's eyes widen with fear and he scrambled away, "NO!" he said, for the first time, and then he paled rapidly, his breathing quickened, like he couldn't breathe. He backed away, wanting to deny it.

* * *

_ He remembered the table… the cool metal… the vibrations on it as he was being approached. Stockman's voice, full of excitement and anticipation. He shivered on the table, struggling weakly to get free. _

"_You'll never leave… we have you forever…" Stockman said with a smile. He wanted to smash in the face, destroy it, and he trembled as he saw the saw. He tried opening his mouth, but the muzzle was on. He shook his head, breath quickening as the saw turned on, the vibration through the air as it descended on him, the sound it made as fire and pain zeroed in on his plastron. _

_He struggled, trying to break free, his hands and legs were taut against the straps as the saw went through his plastron, he could feel the hotness of the metal, tearing into him, his throat screaming. _

_He didn't know it stopped briefly, just that he could hear Stockman's voice clearly through the pain and haze. _

"_I like to hear your screams…" and his muzzle was taken off. He tried to prevent his cry of pain, feeling it come out as the saw move again, slicing across his plastron, the muscles and sound of bone being sliced were lost as he screamed in pain._

_He felt the shame build up, tears falling down, as he started to beg it to stop, to stop cutting into him. _

_He watched through tearfilled eyes as he was opened up. He saw Stockman's hands inside him, the pain inside, made him scream in agony, crying for his family. _

_He heard Stockman laughing, talking about how good he was being, and he sobbed. He wanted to sleep, the darkness to take him._

_He tried, but something stopped him. Everytime his eyes closed, he felt forced awake, and he'd cry harder. _

"_Please…please.. just…stop… lemme sleep…please.." he begged, feeling something moving inside. Suddenly it flared hot and red in his stomach, and he watched vaguely as something dark red was taken out and sliced away. The pain became too much, and he struggled to pass out. _

_He was lost in a haze for awhile, just pain, fire, agonized pain centered his world for awhile. He suddenly saw Stockman near his head, the fog clearing slightly, "Such a good boy, you did well. You may sleep now."_

_And with those words he felt blessed release. He could sleep. _

* * *

Mikey trembled, his legs and arms shaking as he tried to think of ways to explain his fear, his hesitation of being cut open again. "Please don't cut me open," he said softly, his eyes wide with fear and shame.

_He remembered begging. And he was ashamed about it._

Don stood there, sitting down nearby, watching his little brother with eyes filled with sadness and anxiety.

"Mikey…. I love you. I know you are still very scared. Especially of the thought I would do surgery…. Do you think I will hurt you?" Don said quietly, hurt in his voice.

Mikey whimpered, hearing the pain he caused in Donnie's voice, and quickly said, "No, you not hurt…Stock man hurts…takes from me…" he said, trying to explain, "he take inside, it hurt. So much…he like.." trying to explain.

Don pulled down the x-ray, pointing to a bright small circle, and said, "Mikey…when you were gone…something was put inside your head….this something is what made Bishop take you over…." He paused, noticing the tensing up of the body. "I want to take it out. That's all, nothing more. It doesn't belong in you, and if I take it out, you're safer."

Mikey stared at the x-ray picture, frowning, touching the small circle, "That make Bishop move me…pretend he orange?"

Donnie nodded, relieved Mikey understood.

"You not take nothing out….but that…and you don't make me awake during surgery? I sleep? Like on soaps that father watches on TV?" Mikey asked, unsure.

Don nodded, inwardly cringing at the thought of taking something like this chip out with Mikey awake and aware, knowing that was what Stockman and Bishop had done to torture his little brother.

"Yes, I'll be making you sleep with some special medicine, and when you wake up, the circle dot will be gone, and you will be you again," Don said with a smile, "How you are now, I mean…" he corrected himself.

Mikey frowned, and then finally nodded, "I trust you. You do… surgery. Not hurt, but make better. When I wake up, all better."

Don nodded and with a hand to his little brother, he helped him up and into the lab.

* * *

4 hours later:

Don was a nervous wreck, as he stitched up the small incision he made in his brother's scalp, having found the small microchip inserted a little deeper than he thought. He moved carefully, stitching the wound carefully, not wanting to add a huge scar to his brother's already large collection.

He sighed, placed a protective bandage over it, and sat back. He glared at the small device, and picked it up, taking it to his lab, and picked up a hammer. He smashed it, into pieces, relishing in the sound of broken machinery for the moment.

"Hey Donnie, how…whoa….is that what was inside of Mikey?" Leo asked worriedly.

Don nodded, still smashing the chip into several pieces. "Yep," he said simply.

Leo watched concerned as Don broke apart the microchip, smashing and destroying as much as he could of it. He was glad it was out of Mikey, and cringed at the slight blood drops on the table, and said, "How is Mikey?"

"He'll be fine. He might be a little sick from the medicine, but he should be fine," Don said, gathering all the pieces up, using a little broom and dustpan, and scooping it all up.

Leo watched concerned and curiously as Don swept up the leftover remains, and carried it toward a beaker. He heard a sizzle as he dropped the pieces inside, "What is that?" he said, still concerned at the rage and anger still displayed on his face.

"Acid," Don said simply, his chest heaving with surpressed emotions. He was tired of everything. Tired of Shredder, of Bishop, of Stockman. All hellbent on hurting his little brother.

He watched in silence as the acid broke down the pieces of metal, his eyes unfocussing slightly as tears slipped down his face, and he slowly fell against the wall, sliding down.

"Donnie!" he heard his brother call out, a hand on his arm, another on his face, turning him toward the other. "Donnie, look at me, you're alright. You're fine….everything is fine now!" he heard from the fog.

Don shook his head, tears in his eyes slipping free, "I…I had to cut my brother open Leo…I'm no better than Stockman," he said, voicing the pain and confusion he felt.

"Donnie, look at me," Leo said sternly, seeing Don's eyes focus on him.

"Don, you saved Mikey from more harm. You know what would have happened if you hadn't done surgery," Leo said firmly, making sure Don understood, "You helped Mikey, and he is better. He's not going to get hurt because of you. Do you understand? You saved him!"

Don frowned, taking in Leo's words, hesitating slightly, that pang of guilt inside lessening some. "I…I didn't want to do the surgery….but it had to be done."

He gave a watery smile, sitting up, focusing on Leo.

Leo smiled, pulling his brother to his feet, "You did good Donnie… everything you do has been good…just believe in yourself."

Don nodded softly, "Okay…I'll do my best.." he said with a smile, and let Leo lead him back to Mikey's room, seeing him awaken.

"Hey Mikey, it's all okay now…you're fine…" he said with a smile.

Mikey looked at him blearily, his eyes still foggy with pain and confusion, "Donnie…only me…" he said smiling before he drifted off to sleep.

Don smiled, sending the smile to Leo.

* * *

3 weeks later:

They were in a fight for their life. It came out of nowhere. They had gone out, leaving Mikey at home with Casey and April.

It had started out on a simple task. Get some medical supplies for Mikey. He was sick, coughing, vomiting. They didn't know how he got so sick, but he needed medicine.

So they went out. They infiltrated a medical clinic, grabbing various items, leaving money behind, and left. They were on their way home, each turtle carrying a bag filled with medicine and supplies.

They were surrounded suddenly by men in black, carrying guns and batons that shot out electricity.

A grunt released as his side kicked, Raph yelled out angrily, "What the Shell do these guys want!" he said frustrated and angry, ducking as a gun fired toward him, dodging the bullet.

"I don't know but we got to get out of here!" Leo cried out wildly. He knew they were outnumbered, and these men had Bishops signature. He had to get his brother's out of there. He dodged a baton angling towards his head, his leg kicking him away, immediately turning to a new enemy.

"Donnie, you got anything that will help?" Leo asked worriedly. Glancing around, he knew they were outnumbered.

It didn't help when he saw Bishop on an adjacent building, watching with a smirk on his face.

"No…not really, I have this!" Don replied and then there were a series of flashes and suddenly the roof was engulfed in smoke.

Leo smirked when he saw the confusion in the enemies' eyes, his swords whirling around, staining with blood as he came across one, moving toward the edge of the roof. He smiled when he caught the angered glimpse of Bishop's face as he neared the edge. He stopped and whirled around when he heard Raph's scream.

"Fade away!" Don yelled, running to the side, jumping down, throwing several of his smoke bombs on each side, ensuring they can get away. He flipped over one soldier, his Bo hitting on his thigh, disabling him and then in the neck, putting him out for the count as he moved to jump down but then he heard Raph's scream.

Raph growled, his Sai's slashing through the soldiers' arms, chest, and legs, dodging and jumping away. When he saw the smoke, he started to run, but missed the movement of one soldier to close.

He screamed in pain as if the electricity appeared to flow through him, his body convulsing on the roof. It lasted so long, and he cried out, as he heard the one above him laugh.

"RAPH!" twin voices cried out, thumps and the sounds of groans of pain coming from the humans as two brothers saw Raph. Raph whimpered, his body twitching in pain. He felt hands grip his arm, yanking him up, and he struggled, weakly, his head lolling.

"Shhh Raph, we got you," he heard from far away. Raph bit his mouth, trying to quiet his whimpers as he felt them fall from the roof. Everything seems to be far away, in a tunnel, and he was just jerked along for the ride.

He suddenly smelled sewer and saw darkness and wondered vaguely where they were. He could hear multiple splashes as he was dragged through the sewers. His lip felt sore, blood dripping. He moaned.

"Stay with us Raph, you're gonna be okay," he heard Donnie mutter. _He frowned, of course he was going to be okay, it was just a taser, it's not like it hurt anything really. Come to think of it, he felt strange, cold and shivering, and his body felt tight, filled with ice. _

_He vaguely heard Leo's voice asking what was wrong, and he struggled to listen, hearing Donnie's reply, "His body is going into shock….our bodies aren't able to tolerate a shock from the tasers that well, Mikey is a prime example…"_

Raph moaned again, his arms and legs tensing as he started to convulse once more, his voice echoing throughout the sewers. Blackness soon followed….

Meanwhile, Mikey laid curled up on his bed, coughing hard, trying to be quiet. It was hard, his lungs ached, and he felt awful. April walked in, "How are you doing Mikey?" she asked worriedly, carrying a bowl of cool water.

"Not sick…I be better…" Mikey said stubbornly. He wasn't allowed to get sick. He had to get up, he hadn't done his chores for the day, and he hadn't had his lessons. He was told to lie in bed, read comics and drink medicine all day. He started to cough hard, his lungs seizing up, sounds harsh and fluidly. He coughed for nearly a minute.

"I see, I know you are sick Mikey, why are you hiding it?" April asked as she put a cloth on his brow, staring at the pale and sick turtle.

"Not sick! I get up, I go help. Must help," Mikey said miserably. He knew his family didn't like him doing the chores, or cleaning up after them, but he was scared of being in trouble. He had to obey! But it was hard. He laid there, cringing in pain and sickness.

"Where daddy is?" he asked, his eyes were glassy with fever.

"He is in the kitchen, making you some tea to help with your fever," April explained. She didn't like seeing Mikey or any of the turtles sick or ill. They were like her little brothers.

Mikey nodded, curling under his blanket some more, shivering. He was hot and cold.

Suddenly, the door of the lair slammed open, hurried footsteps were running toward the room.

Mikey sat up, trembled, remember such sounds and struggled to remain attentive. But he started to cough, hard, gasping coughs, and cried in pain as it didn't let up. Through the coughs, he thought he heard his brothers.

He continued to cough, before it became too long, feeling the urge to throw up again as he struggled to breathe in. His eyes widened with fear when he saw Raph being carried in. "What's wrong with him?" he rasped out, eyes wide with fear.

"He'll be fine Mikey, sit back, you can't get excited, it will make you sick," Don said as he ran around gathering items to work on Raph. He quickly grabbed some muscle relaxants, knowing they needed to relax the muscle in Raph's body to prevent damage, and a sedative so he can relax while he slept the effects of the taser away.

Mikey frowned, feeling strangely afraid and confused. He remembered when they came home before, and he always helped then…but this time he was sick.

"He gonna be okay?" Mikey asked worried, seeing Raph's pale skin. He whimpered as he got up, moving stiffly as he walked over. He looked over Raph's body, wondering what was wrong. His eyes roamed his body, until it came to two very familiar marks, ones he knew all too well.

"Who taser him?" Mikey asked softly, a hand moving out and touching Raph's arm gently, memories coming back.

Don glanced over, seeing Mikey beside Raph's bed, and sighed, "We were in a fight…they caught Raph unprepared, but he'll be fine. Don't worry, you need to go back to bed…and take some medicine," he said firmly.

Mikey hesitated, not wanting to move, to leave Raph alone. But he had to obey. He went and sat down on his bed, quiet, and laid back. He took his medicine obediatently, and fell back asleep.

When he woke up, he heard Raph complaining, and he smiled in glee, "Raphie, your awake!" he said, sitting up. He glanced over, seeing Raph grumbling as Don struggled to take his temperature.

"Of course I'm a'ight, ain't nuthin gonna bring me down," Raph assured his little brother, sending him a brief smile.

Mikey grinned but started to cough again, hard. It hurt, his lungs flaring in pain as he continued to cough. It felt like he couldn't breathe. He flinched when he felt a hand on his shell, still coughing. He weakly looked up, eyes watering as he struggled to breathe, throat aching as he cough.

It was getting harder and harder to breathe, he couldn't, he gasped, a small raspy intake of breathe, not even being drawn in as he felt himself getting dizzy.

_Breathe…need to breathe…please….air….need…breathe…_ he thought wildly. He felt someone holding him through the pain and dizziness, trying to figure out a way to breathe. Suddenly, something was put over his face, smelling of plastic, and cool air was suddenly in his face.

He tried to breathe again, to get the cool air, but he finally gasped, loudly, harsh, only to start gagging, and he pulled the mask off, leaning over the edge of the bed, gagging and hacking as he threw up.

He pulled back when he was done, somehow taking a deep breathe. He moaned, _that hurt_ he thought weakly, managing to open his eyes, surprised when he saw Raph, Don, and Leo around him. "Whassit?" he asked, confused, flinching when Don strapped the mask back over his face, feeling the cool air again.

He moaned, but breathed in, the cool air felt good.

"You're gonna be alright Mike, sleep," he heard from a distance.

He nodded his head, obeying the small command, he was tired anyway….

* * *

Three weeks past and he was doing better. He got over the cold, having Don figure out he actually had whooping cough was great, because he was ablt to stop many of the 'cough attacks,' as he called them, from beginning by taking precautions.

"I okay, I go play now," Mikey asked Don, feeling impatient.

* * *

**Well Folks, here's another chapter, hope you like it. Sorry it's been awhile so I made it extra long. There's more to come. My goal is to have 50 chapters, but I might not make that. LOL. If anyone is still reading this that is. If so, lemme know you like the chapter, I still have Bishop to deal with, Aprils baby being born, and a few other things to come up. **

**So keep watching, I am working on them all! **

**Peace all, and thanks for reading. Would love some reviews if possible! Thankies**


	37. Chapter 37

Mikey laughed as he ran away from Raph, his body twisting, flipping, and dodging Raph's hands, "Com'n Raphie! Something told me I had to and I asked Leo and Donnie if it's alright. They said it was!"

Raph growled, struggling not to smile as he tried to get Mikey. "You went and painted my weights PINK!"

"But I read it in my journal Raphie. It was funny and you haven't laughed in a long time. Laugh Raphie…it was funny!" Mikey said with a grin, backing away.

Raph smiled, a small snicker leaving him, "Alright, it was funny…but you gotta help me clean them off."

Mikey smiled, before saying, "I don't know how to take the paint off…I useta know…" shrugs, "but Donnie says I gotta be careful with the cleaning supplies.."

Raph smiled a little sadly, "I know Mike….how about this, we get Donnie ta give you paintin' lessons again."

"Really? Can I paint your room?" he said excited, bouncing around Raph with a laugh.

"Shell No!" Raph exclaimed, "Ain't no way your gonna paint muh room!"

Mikey frowned, his face dropping, eyes getting wide again, "Awwww," he said, looking like a dejected child.

Raph felt the guilt building up at the look on Mikey's face, his heart aching, and his resolve weakening. "Aw Mike, don't cry, you can't paint my room but maybe ya can paint like my door or ceiling or sumthing…"

Mikey's eyes lit up wide, sparkling and with a beaming smile, he grabbed Raph around the neck, hugging him, "Really? Like seriously? Raphie! You the best!" sounding exactly like the old Mikey they all missed so well.

Raph's eyes watered as he held his little brother, remembering Mikey from before. "Yah welcome Mike…ya welcome…"

Mikey was in element as he painted Raph's door, and somehow managed to convince Leo and Don to let him paint their ceilings and doors as well.

He wouldn't let them in their rooms for nearly a week, which made them antsy, but Mikey was coming out of his shell, being more like he used to be. He laughed more, started cooking again, and was even curious about fighting.

It took some time, but he was finally finished. He smiled as he left the rooms.

"Hey Mike! Are we allowed to go inta our rooms yet?" Raph called out as he saw Mike leave Don's room.

Mike smiled, nodding his head, "Um…yes..paint drying..no touch," he said slowly, a small smile growing on his face.

He watched his brothers faces glance at eachother, eagerness and curiosity burned in them. He hesitated slightly, nervous and unsure if his brothers would like his paintings, biting his lip nervously. He watched as his brothers all entered their rooms, standing in the doorway in shock. He tensed as he heard nothing but silence at first, getting agitated by the lack of silence.

"D…do you no like? I change? I make better…" he said nervously, rubbing his arm, trying to stop the fear from building.

"Mikey….I..it's wonderful…I…I can't believe it…" Leo said awestruck from the bedroom, his eyes staring at the wonderful painting Mikey had done. He saw the Battle Nexus and saw him and Usagi fighting, sparring, with their family in the backround, showing their happiness and excitement.

Don was speechless when he saw the mural of him in a high tech lab, that look real and that it could happen. He saw his eyes glancing to the side, a smile on his face as he smiled at what looked like a young turtle in the doorway with his eyes, his family sitting in the livingroom a small distance away. "Mikey….w..wow…" he whispered, he couldn't believe it. He frowned when he saw Splinter further in the distance, looking proud and concluded that this was a picture of the future that Mikey could see happening.

Raph walked into the room, and glanced up a little nervous and his jaw dropped in shock at the scene. It depicted him as the warrior he was, furious and tough, in a battle stance, easily holding his sai's, ready to drop down from the ceiling and attack someone, and on the other half, was him, and he was with his brothers, from when they were kids, and he was smiling.

It showed both sides of him, sides no one really knew, and smiled at how right it seemed to be in the room. He was about to leave when he caught a image near the bottom, and tears rose in his eyes when he saw a small drawing of him and Mikey at the battle nexus, and Mikey was giving him the trophy, pride in his eyes.

He walked out of the room, his eyes immediately roaming the room to see where Mikey was and saw he was getting agitated and looked ready to bolt. "Mikey, I love it! You really showed me, tha real me, and I love it….ya forgot to make yourself one.." he said, giving Mikey a quick hug, sensing he calmed slightly.

"I not make myself one Raphie, I make for you, I want ta do for you…not me," he said, trying to say the words that were in his head, that he wanted to explain, to expand on, but it was difficult.

Just then Donnie ran into the livingroom, latching his arms around Mikey, forgetting to warn him of such actions and hugged him hard, "I love it, I love it, Mikey, you're so artistic, just like you used to be, it's beautiful. Do you even know how many ideas you gave me in that drawing, it's so wonderful…" he continued to babble, stepping back when he saw how tense and shocked Mikey was.

"I just want you happy…you sad too…all sad…" Mikey tried once more to explain.

Leo walked into the room, a beaming smile on his face, "Michelangelo, I love what you drew. The scene was beautiful and impactful."

Mikey gave a brief smile, trying to control his reactions and fear of judgments, "Thanks Leo…I…I just want to make you all happy…to be you again…."

Don grinned, "It's perfect, you really came a long way from last year Mikey….you talk more, you are acting more like you used to, and you grew so much since we rescued you," Don said quietly, proud of his little brother.

Mikey frowned, feeling guilty about why he wanted to make the paintings, and shook his head, "You not be proud of me….be proud of Mikey…" he said.

At the confused looks of his brothers, he hastened to explain, "Not me, not Mikey me now, Mikey me before…Shredder…." He tried to explain but his brothers were still confused.


	38. Chapter 38

**A/N: I AM OFFICIALLY DONE! THIS STORY IS COMPLETE! Read on and lemme know if you like! REVIEW PLEASE!**

* * *

He sighed, rubbing his head, "I not remember much….the stuff I do remember, make me act like old Mikey because it make you happy. I want make you happy, that's what old Mikey always did. The paintings…he drew them in book….I just copy…he want to do for birthday…I…I just take over…so thank him…not me…okay?" he said quietly.

There was silence for a minute before Leo spoke, "Let me get this straight, you read one of Mikey's journals before you were captured, and saw this idea. Because you didn't like how we were acting, you started to act more like the Mikey we knew, from what you read in your journals," Leo said slowly, "Is that right?"

Mikey cringed at the words, but nodded his head fearfully, and waited to be punished. _See I knew I should not say anything. Why I always talk? Why I always act this way…_

"And since you read it in Mikey's journal and copied the drawings from his books, you did these murals for us, because you wanted us happier, if we saw you acting like our Old Mikey, is that right?" Leo said quietly, sending a glance to his brothers.

Mikey nodded again, waiting some more.

"Mikey, you may not believe it, but old Mikey and you how you are now Mikey, are both the same, just different fragments from eachother. We are happy if you are happy. If you are happy and like your life, then we are happy and will like you for you, you don't have to force yourself to change for us, we'll accept you as you, always," Leo finished, staring at Mikey in the eyes, hoping to get him to see he was serious.

Mikey flinched at the words, and shook his head, "You always say, "You used to," or "You always liked.." and it's confusing! I don't remember! I don't remember a lot from who I used to be. I Orange, I Mikey, I Michelangelo, I filth, I garbage, vermin, slut, whore," Mikey said, repeating words he remembered all to well.

He stopped for a moment, breathing a little harder, his eyes flashing, anxious as he spoke, "I not gonna be just Mikey. Just old Mikey… Old Mikey make you happy…so I try be old Mikey…and you like me more…you smile, you laugh, you play more!" he said, trying to explain in a rush, to get these feelings out before he locked them up again.

He frowned, seeing his brothers with tears in his eyes, one hand reached up, wiping a tear rolling gently down Don's face, saying "Old Mikey is who you love, I play him, you happy. I play me, you love him…me…I know that…I'm just confused…but I'm getting better…" he said, hesitatingly putting a hand on Don's arms, another on Raph's, looking at Leo.

"I'll be there…here….always…just….wait for me…" he said, his blue eyes displaying love and concern for his brothers.

"We'll wait Mike, always…we love you just as you are," Leo said, wiping the tear from Mikey's face, ignoring the slight tense of his body.

"I know you do," Mikey said with a sad smile, "I just scared you not want me...throw me away..." he whispered quietly.


	39. Chapter 39

3 1/2 months later:

Mikey was in the kitchen, humming to himself as he cooked, talking with April slowly. "I don't understand, why celebrate birthday April? We don't even know day we born…you don't even know baby birthday….right?" he said, glancing at her as he mixed the cake batter.

"Mikey, you know how I explained that when someone is born, that day is special, right?" April said as she looked up at Mikey, one hand rubbing her large stomach, smiling at Mikey's nod.

"We celebrate that persons' special day because it's the day they came into the world. It's special and something we honour once a year, to show them how happy we are they came into the world," April explained with a grin.

"But why I make cake for Leo? It's not his real birthday…" Mikey said as he put the bowl down with the mixing spoon inside, "Master Splinter don't know real day…he get us when we baby turtles…we already grew a bit…how can he know day?"

April sighed, "Splinter kept the newspaper he put you guys in the day he found you Mikey…it shows the day you were found by him…so he decided you birthdays were the day you were born…it was the day of your mutations as well…" she explained again, frowning at the pain in her back as it came back again.

"It's still weird…Why Leo birthday, why not all birthday?" Mikey countered as he greased the cake pans, and tapping the flour around them so he can put the cake in.

"When you were 10, you all decided to pick a day as your birthday, today was Leo's. You all decided that the day Master Splinter found you was going to be a Family day, the day you all became a family," she said, taking another deep breathe at the pain in her back returned, making a frown come on her face.

Catching the frown, and sensing the sudden fear and anxiousness, he asked, "Are you okay April?"

"I think so…what time is it?" she asked, taking a small sip of water, hoping the pain would just go away and not be what she thought it would be.

"It's 1:37….why, what's wrong?" he asked, tensing up, sensing something was really wrong with April, and doing his best not to panic.

Another pain washed over her, and she gasped a little louder, taking deep breathes, "I…I think you need to call the guys…." She said, panting a little.

"Why? They are out distracting Leo…they go the Battle Nexus…how I contact?" Mikey said his eyes wide and fearful.

April groaned at the timing. They had it all worked out to have Leo go to the Battle Nexus for the day, and return around 6, so she and Mikey can cook his favorite meals and cake. But her body was telling her the baby was coming. She panted slightly as she felt the pain return a few moments later, tensing up in the chair.

"I…I think the baby is coming Mikey…" she said, her voice cracking as the pain intensified.

"I call Casey, right?" Mikey said, panicking a little, his hands fluttering slightly, terrified at the thought of no Don to help.

"Yes, please…but first…help me to the bedroom….I need a low bed….large…bring me to one…please…" she panted, arching her back a bit, her stomach tensing slightly.

Mikey nodded, stepping forward, glad now, that Raph had helped him work out a bit. He could lift April easily. Gently scooping her up, he glanced around, seeing the stairs ahead, and decided to put April in Don's room, he rarely used his own bed, and it was low to the ground.

He put her on the bed gently, pulling the blanket back, and ran to the phone, dialing Casey's number that was beside the phone on the wall.

_Ring Ring_

_Ring Ring_

_Ring-_

"Yo, it's the Case-Man, you heard the BEEP, you know what you gotta do! Speak, Laters!"

Faltering for a moment, he paused, and then he heard a BEEP, and spoke quickly, "Casey, please, it's Mikey, you gotta come. April is…the baby…it coming. I alone. I not know what to do. Hurry!" and then hung up the phone.

He ran back to April, his blue eyes wide as he saw April panting on the bed, "April, please, tell me what to do. I help…I think.." he said worriedly, pausing in place, waiting for orders.

"M…Mikey….my water….it broke…this baby is coming…now…" she said, straining each word between contractions, "warm water…towels…cloths…water….hurry…" she said, her pale face was flushed, red and sweaty, showing strain and stress. _Why is the baby coming now? And so fast!_ She thought, breathing through the contractions.

Mikey ran through the lair, and into the kitchen, quickly plugging in the kettle for hot water and grabbed a bunch of containers, filling it with warm water and placing the hot water to sanitize stuff. He remembered that from his classes.

He ran back in, quickly putting the containers down nearby, and ran to Don's closet, grabbing the blankets and towels, and ran back. "April, now what?" he said, eyes wide with fear and stress. He walked up to April, dousing a cloth with some cool water and placing it on her head like he seen on the TV shows.

April breathed again, panting, thankful for the cloth on her forehead. She bit her lip as another contraction came, and moaned again. She thrashed a bit on the bed, the pain was bad. "C..call. ..Don…" she gasped, forgetting for the moment where they were.

Mikey's eyes widened, his heart fluttered with panic and before he knew it, something inside him shifted, he cried out, his hands touching his head as Purple took over. The panic dying away, as he assumed a role he thought he stopped playing months before.

"April, I want you to take calm deep breaths, we're going to help you," Mikey said calmly, his blue eyes determined, showing a sign of worry and calmness.

"Mikey?" April gasped out, worried at the sudden change. Mikey hadn't changed into the other personas of his brothers for months!

"No, I am Purple. It's going to be okay, I can help you…Mikey…is here…but he is scared he might hurt you…he attempting to contact the others in the Nexus. Do not fear, I can help…I need you to take slow, calming breaths…can I examine you?" Purple/ Mikey said, looking at her calmly.

April took a deep breath, letting it out slowly, realizing Mikey shifted so Purple can help.

Purple was Donnie, in Mikey's mind, and he would be able to help.

"Yes…you can check…please…" April said, her fear dying slightly but concerned that Mikey forced Purple back. _He was doing so well._

_Oh God, Oh God, I can't believe I ran…It's April…what do I do? Contact someone…how… how…Um… Leo said to calm the mind…Right…how I do that?...breathe… in…out…Try to connect with Leo….I can do that…LEO! He screamed inside his head, trying to calm as his spirit reached out for Leonardo. _

_Mikey? What the Shell are you doing here? I thought you were on Earth…what's wrong?_

_Leo, you come back! NOW! April, she havin' tha baby…please….I's scared…_

_We're coming Mikey, it's going to be okay….you did the right thing…_

_Leo…I sorry…_

_What for…_

_You see when you here…_

_Mikey? Mikey, answer me!_

April watched as Mikey examined her with a detached clinical expression on his face. She breathed again, in and out, as he straightened. "April, you're water definitely broke, but you are 10 centimeters…you can push now…"

"I can't be…the first baby is supposed to take the longest…I can't be ready yet, Casey isn't here!" she said with a wail, her red hair sticking to her brow, sweat on her face.

"April, I know you are scared. The pregnancy was good, you're healthy, but the baby wants to come now…Casey is on his way, just take a few deep breaths, and when you feel another contraction come, push, okay?" Purple /Mikeysaid calmly.

April leaned back, her eyes on the ceiling as she breathed. Suddenly, she heard running feet and her eyes darted to the side, wondering who it was. When she heard the crash following a door opening, she chuckled, a smile growing as she said, "Casey!"

Casey ran in, his black hair blazing behind him as he stumbled into the room, limping slightly, "April! I'm here, I'm HERE!" and when his eyes darted towards Mikey, and where he stood, he stopped as he picked up April's hand, "What is he doing! Where's Donnie!" he asked eyes wide with panic.

"Casey, calm down, it's alright," April said, trying to calm him down. "Donnie's not here, he went to the Nexus with the guys, remember…it's Leo's birthday…" she said panting, feeling another contraction starting to come.

"But he's messed up! He ain't right in the head, he can't do this! I want Donnie!" Casey said, his grey eyes blazing with fear and anger.

Purple/Mikey responded calmly, "You're wife is in labor and she needs to push. If she tries to wait, the birth can be a dry birth, which can harm mother and baby. Now, I'm the only one here, the guys are on their way, and Mikey is terrified out of his mind. Now, please, calm down," he said sternly, putting on some special gloves Don made just for this purpose.

"Wha' wit Mikey? That ain't 'im!" Casey said, turning back to April, "He sounds like Donnie…"

"That's what I'm trying to tell you, somehow, Mikey shifted into Purple, remember, he's Donnie's persona…" and she cried out as another contraction came, and heard Mikey's voice through the haze of pain, "Push April," and she screamed as she started to push, her insides clenching together to push the baby out.

The next 7 minutes went by in a haze of pain and screams, but suddenly, she could hear a little cry through the pain, and she weakly opened her eyes, seeing a small little bundle being wrapped up and cleaned by Mikey.

"What is it?" she asked weakly, a smile growing on her face.

"You have a beautiful little girl April….she is perfectly healthy," Purple said with a small smile on his face, his blue eyes sparkling.

"Thank you…am…am I done?" she asked, reaching for the baby as Purple handed her the baby.

"Yes, I have the afterbirth here, and you needed a few stitches…you have to keep it clean and Casey needs to help you around. No strenuous movements," Purple explained as he wrote down the day and time of the birth.

"Thank you Purple…but can Mikey come back?" April asked as he lay back against the bed, looking worried.

"I don't know…he is scared and worried…but I will be trying. Have you picked out a name yet?" Purple asked as he took a picture of April holding her daughter for the first time.

"Yeah, Mikey picked it out, Aiko…it means 'beloved'…please…let Mikey come back," she said.

"I am trying. Casey, would you like to hold her?" Purple asked with a smile as he took another picture.

"WHAT? No! She's way too small! I can't hold her, I might hurt her!" he said, his eyes bulging in panic.

"You're the baby's father Casey. Of course you won't hurt her. Here," Purple/Mikey gently took the baby from April's hands, handing her the camera with a grin, "Put your arm up here, and you're other arm here. You have to support the neck area because it's still weak…and there you go….you're holding your daughter…" Purple said, stepping back with a grin.

Casey looked at the small little human in his arms, smiling at the cute button nose she had and her tiny little fingers, marveling at the small red fuzz on her head. "She's beautiful," he whispered.

He didn't even hear the click of the camera.

April closed her eyes tiredly, she was exhausted.

Suddenly, she could hear a number of feet running towards the room, voices talking in a panic and a smile formed on her face.

_They are here…._

"Guys, shhh, April is fine. The baby was born about 15 minutes ago. Baby girl. She weighs 7 pounds, 14 ounces, and is beautiful. April is fine, just tired," Purple explained as they stopped at the sight of Casey holding a little pink bundle.

Don stepped forward, his own eyes darting over the couple and the baby, and glanced closely at Mikey, frowning. "Mikey….where is Mikey, Purple?" he said, realizing what had happened.

"Mikey got scared and panicked, and forced me forward…" Purple explained what had happened.

"Well, can Mikey come back?" Don asked curiously.

"He is scared to come back…" Purple said with a shrug as he washed his hands.

Splinter walked over, a smile on his face, but concern still in his eyes. "Michelangelo, please, come back," he called out.

Purple/Mikey frowned, glancing over, shaking his head, "That's not going to work…he has to want to come back…he's feeling ashamed and scared…he doesn't want to disappoint Leo…and feels he has done so…"

Leo smiled at the little bundle, hearing the words Purple was saying, smiling as Casey tried to get Raph to hold the baby.

"Their ain't no way I'm gonna hold tha' baby! I'll hurt her!" Raph said, backing up, eyes wide.

Purple walked over, a smile on his face, "Raph, you won't hurt her. Aiko is strong, and she'll love to be held by her Uncle Raph…I'll show you," he said, easily taking the baby from Casey, who quickly grabbed the camera from April's hands.

Raph balked but was steered towards a chair by both Splinter and Don, and the baby gently placed in his arms. Raph froze, holding the baby, scared of hurting her. Purple/Mikey chuckled at the look on his face but stepped back with a detached air.

Leo walked up to Purple, tapping him on the shoulder, "Can we talk? I heard what you said to Don…and would like to know more about what happened…is that alright?"

Purple nodded, "Don, I will be out for a while, April needs some water in her, and the baby should be fed soon. Casey also needs to step out and get some stuff like diapers, car seat, and other stuff.." he said with a smile. He then turned and followed Leo out of the room.

They walked over to the dojo, and sat down across from eachother. "Well, I heard what happened earlier….Mikey can't disappoint me…he did the right thing in contacting Casey and me, and by getting you to help," Leo said with a gentle smile.

Purple shook his head, "I know…but he didn't really get me to help. He panicked and the stress forced him back…and brought me forward because he knew I could help. His mind has been healing quite well for a few months now, and is slowly coming back…but the stress fractured a small part…" he paused, trying to figure out a way to explain, "he is worried about disappointing you…all of you…"

"Why does he worry so much? We love him just the same," Leo said, contemplating the problem that was presented.

"It's because he feels guilty about not remembering you guys. His memories…the ones he says he remembers…its only from the journals…it's Mikey's memories from before…and sometimes a few memories trickle in…" Purple paused once more, "Sometimes when he sleeps, he remembers you all…but once he wakes up, only trickles of those memories remain."

"Is there anyway to fix that?" Leo asked hopefully.

"No. You just have to accept that his memories won't come back. He doesn't want to disappoint you. He loves you all, but he still doesn't want to fail…he still struggles with orders, and simple concepts, but he's doing great…he wants to come back. He wants to know if you still love him even though he ran," Purple/Mikey explained, Mikey's own words echoing inside his head.

"Michelangelo, I want you to listen to me, there is nothing in this world that will make me stop loving you. You have come miles and miles from your rescue. You did the right things in what you did, I only wish I had been here to help you instead of bringing Purple forward," Leo said, talking to Purple, knowing Mikey was able to hear him.

"I love you, and I want you back…please…it's okay…" Leo called softly.

Purple closed his eyes painfully, his head pounding suddenly, as he brought his hands back up to his forehead. He cried out in pain, before he fell to the side, his eyes opening up, tears in them, as he whimpered out, "Leo…"

Leo wrapped his arms around Mikey's trembling form, a smile beaming on his face, "Thank you for coming back Mikey…that was really brave of you," he said, holding Mikey close.

Mikey cried in Leo's arms, a small whimper left him, "I'm sorry….I was so scared…"

"It's okay Mikey…you did what you had to do, I'm proud of you," Leo said softly, "I love you Mike. There is nothing in this world that can stop that," kissing the top of his little brother's head as he cried.

Twenty minutes later:

Leo helped Mikey up, a small smile on his face, "Come on, let's go see Aiko. It's time you held her."

Mikey smiled weakly as he got up, "Really?"

"Yes, com'n," Leo said.

They walked in the room, smiling at the sight of Splinter holding the baby, April and Casey were talking about the baby's room, and Raph and Don were running around tidying the room, making sure April was comfortable.

April saw Mikey standing behind Leo, nervously and smiled at him gently, "It's okay Mikey. You can come in."

"I'm sorry April, I just…I couldn't…" he started to say, his lip trembling.

"I know Mikey…it's okay…you didn't leave me. I knew you would be here…come…hold your god-child," she said, a smile growing on her face as she turned towards Splinter who was holding the baby.

"God Child? Are you serious! I can't be her god-dad! I'm nothing. I'll screw it up," he said, eyes wide in shock.

"Mikey, it's okay, you'll do fine if it ever comes to that. Please, hold Aiko….you're ready…you can do this," April said smiling, waving Mikey to the chair.

Mikey sat down, in a slight daze as he was handed the little girl, holding her gently, like it was second nature. He smiled at the small human in his arms, a smile growing on his face, "Hey little one…I'm your Uncle Mikey…I'm going to help train you when you're older….if I ever get that far," he said softly, forgetting everyone in the room.

He got up, walking as he hummed quietly, a song coming to his mind, and he smiled, glancing at Splinter before he sang quietly, "_Leaves from the vine, falling so slow, like fragile little shells, drifting in the foam, little baby girl, smiling so free, brave baby girl, living so free…" _he hummed to her, feeling something inside growing, a need to protect, to help, and he smiled at the little girl.

"She's beautiful April….I help…all the time…I help.." he said, looking at peace, "_Little Baby Girl..living so free...little baby girl...I'll be here for thee.." he sang softly. _


	40. Chapter 40

Chapter 40

Three weeks later:

_I don't know if I can do this….it's bad…I can hurt…should I? But if I don't….how…how I protect all of us…protect Aiko…protect me?... I have to learn…_ Mikey stood outside the dojo, his heart pounding frantically inside, his stomach in knots. He bowed to Splinter, tensing at the actions, "Uhm…sensei…I…I was wondering..I..I join you?" I get out weakly, seeing Leo and Raph pausing in their fight.

"If you believe you are ready to become a student once more, my son, you may join us," Splinter said, a smile on his face, his brown golden eyes sparkling.

"I…I think I do…" I said, bowing to Splinter, trying to suppress the wince I made at the actions.

"Fall in line with Donatello," Splinter ordered and I immediately move over, standing in front of Don, quelling my panicking mind. I take a few deep breaths, forcing myself to calm down. _I can do this. I know I can. I remember this…vaguely…ghost images play in my head all the time….but I remember…I have too…_

"Michelangelo, my son, it is time for your Master to return once was taken from you," handing over a box, containing my nunchakus I had given up months before, as Splinter handed them to me.

I stare at them, feeling lost in a sudden wash of emotions, broken memories of a smaller turtle learning how to use them, practices I once attended, and my hands shook, touching the cool chain of my nunchuks.

"I..father…I…" I paused, taking a deep breathe, closing my eyes as I force myself to say the words, "Thank you Master," and cringe, expecting to be hit, as my eyes dart up once, scanning the room, and then away.

"You do not have to call me Master, my son. You may call me Sensei in here, I know the word 'Master' is harmful to you, and I understand this," Splinter said gently, touching my arm, making me jump in surprise.

"Yes sensei," I whisper, holding the box close to my plastron. I watch, meekly, as he steps back, and orders, "Fall into basic forms," and I glance back at Don, pleading for help. _I remember some…but…I can't remember it all!_

Don smiles gently, telling me softly the forms, showing me, and I watch avidly. _I can do this, I can learn. _

I don't speak as I practice, and when I'm up to spar with Don, I am quiet as I attack, memories flashing in my head as I remember the torture, of fighting innocents, of killing, it was blurring together as my mind was being cascaded by memories.

"How come you aren't taunting Mike, it's one of your best tactics," Leo commented when practice was over.

My head was pounding, body sore, as I replied tiredly, "Taunting? Why would I do something so silly? Fighting is a serious discipline. Master Saki demanded I put away such childish emotions and fight to kill," I say, starting to walk away.

"Masta' Saki? Why the Shell ya call 'im that?" I turn, hearing Raph's voice say angrily behind me, and I whirl around, heart beating fast, as I stare at him in confusion.

"What are you talking about?" Mikey said, eyes wide, rubbing his forehead. His head hurt.

"Ya called Shred-head Masta' Saki," Raph explained, concerned and worried, "Ya okay?"

"I…I didn't…" Mikey said weakly, shaking his head. One hand reached up to rub his head, it was pounding.

"Donnie…come and check on him…." Raph called out.

I flinched as Don touched my arm, feeling hyper aware of the sudden sounds, footsteps and memories whirling around me. I vaguely hear Don speaking before the world tilts and I'm falling.

_I felt like I was far away, words and cries felt like little whispers as I slowly wake up in darkness..my body was sore, my head still pounded. I wondered what was wrong. I glance around, it was so dark here, but it was starting to lighten. _

_I frown when I see the lair, it was a lair I didn't recognize. I start exploring, curious. _

_I hear laughter suddenly behind me, childish laughter, and I whirl around, in a defensive position. I see nothing but a little turtle tot, and my heart calms as I watch the little turtle tot being chased, laughter falling from his mouth as three other turtle tots chase him. _

_My eyes widen as they jump on him, tickling him, his childish giggles washing over the room like honey. 'Who was the kid who was laughing so hard?' I thought curiously, seeing the turtle open his blue eyes. _

_I gasp, 'Is that me? Where is this place? I don't remember this…' I think, my heart pounded as the scene changed again, but this time a giant rat was carrying two crying turtle tots as the other two lay in a wagon covered with blankets. _

_I walk closer, concerned, knowing they were my family. I could see we were injured, and hurt, and that the two sleeping had broken bones. I step back as I hear the Rat humming in Japanese to the turtles as he searches for a home. _

_Memories flash through soundlessly as he watches, trapped as his mind is forced to see, to remember, and he trembles as his mind puts back pieces and fragments he thought he lost, crying in horror at the sight of his Master Saki. _

_He sobbed seeing the pain and torture, trying to please the man who was his Master, but recalling he had taken him from his family…his real family…father…brothers…Purple..Red…Blue…they were his family…he had taken them away…_

_He started to cry, wanting to wake up, wanting his family….wanting to go home…_

His head pounded harshly against his skull, like something was breaking it apart, and wouldn't stop. He moaned as he started waking up, flinching at the darkness of the room.

Suddenly, a light from a lamp switched on, and he gasped, turning on his side as he scrambled to the floor, flinching backwards from the sudden hands around him, trying to pin him down, and in his confusion, he cried out, "No, please, I be good, please, no more…" and suddenly the hands were gone, and he was on the floor, shivering as he tried to recall what happened.

He touched his forehead, the pain thumped and pulsated against his brain as his mind struggled to catch up, and he started recalling what he had once forgot, eyes darting around as he saw his brothers standing around him, looking worried and concerned.

_What happened? Why am I in here?_ He thought confused as he tried to remember what happened.

He flinched again when he heard Don's voice calling to him, and said hoarsely, "Gimme second…head hurts…"

The room was silent as Mikey slowly took in the memories he had forgotten, recalling memories throughout his childhood, growing up, and he inhaled sharply, his blue eyes glancing up in shock, "I..guys…I…I remember…more…" and smiled at them.

They cried out in joy, ignoring his built in flinches from his time with Shredder as they hugged him, tears running down their cheeks. When Splinter came in, he joined the celebrations.

When it was calmed down, they asked him what he remembered. Sipping some herbal tea, his headache nearly gone, he explained, "I remember lots…running…playing…we aren't here…w.. we were somewhere else.." he started out, describing some of the scenes he recalled.

"I remember more stuff, like stuff we learned, but gaps…fragments are still there, memories…I recall Mikey having…stuff that good…I don't think I ever remember…I'm sorry…" he said sadly, looking up, "I'm still like me…now…but I can't…remember everything…"

"My son, it is okay. Memories are just moments in time, and we can make new memories. I am happy you recalled so much, remembering happier times when you still recall dark times. You are strong my son, for overcoming such memories," and kissed him lightly on the forehead.

Mikey grinned, accepting the kiss, and not uncomfortable with the show of affection. He smiled easily as they helped him up, encouraging him to go lie down in front of the TV and relax. He chuckled in surprise as Raph handed him the remote, and Mikey found Mythbusters. He laid down, the sounds of the lair, it washed over him, and he soaked it all in. He smiled as he fell into a gentle sleep.

* * *

**Well, It's officially done! Thanks for those who stuck it out. Sorry if it seems rushed. I may have another chapter later to add, to round it out, but it is DONE!**

**Thanks to all who reviewed and followed the story, I am so sorry it took so long. So much interfered with this story, but I'm glad it's done, and a little upset I had a tidbit for another story following this one pop up. Not cool! LOL, but might consider it.**

**Thanks to **animegirl9894 **for giving me that list kick in the butt and the inspiration for this chapter. Actually, thanks to everyone who reviewed! **

**Love you guys!**


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